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still in hospital!

mark payne

mark payne

Active member
Dec 22, 2014
So it's the day 5 and i'm still in hospital in this cold weird scary room alone, i always heard before that people lose there minds for no reason an go hospitals, some people was fine happy and all but all change in a second with no reason or cause a chemical balance in there brain changed or damaged and they change and become other persons forever, i never ever believed this till it happened to me ,so many things going on in my mind while i'm laying all day in that bed , i miss life i miss everything i miss smiling from my heart a real smile and from all that i miss my self the real me not the person those panic attacks created..
i'm laying on that bed 24 hours doing nothing just looking at the roof and thinking while life outside going on,i never think the idea of waking up at 6.00 morning to go to job will look amazing for me someday till now, i'm ready to wake up everyday at 6.00 morning for job the rest of my life and without complaining , i just wanna out from here..it's weird how we think we are so strong but in real we are not, we are so weak and only humans..i don't know if i will be ever able to back to my life and the person i was before that look impossible now i feel i'm hurt so deep inside this pain hurt my dignity as a man and i don't know if i can back it someday i don't think so, anyway i just feel so lonely in this room needed someone to talk to and this is the only place i know, i have few questions and please just be honest with me if the answer is bad just say it i prefer truth the pure truth.

1- why the panic attacks so awful and strong at morning but at night i calm down and it go away till i think i'm fine and i can out from here but when i sleep and wake up everything become the same and it back stronger?!

2- do you think it's possible to back my life? did you ever know or heard of a person had (hocd) and he back his normal life?

3-how (hocd) last i was reading stories of people that there life broke cause of it some said it only last 2 or 3 weeks in max but someones say it can last years or a life time, i have it from 4 weeks now!

4- am i becoming insane? cause i feel i'm an other person , before i had emotions and i be angry if someone told me something bad but now its like it dont make me angry or anything is it weird or people be this way when they have ocd?

5- i sleep a lot also i dont feel a desire of anything the nurse wake me at 8.00 for the needle and i back to sleep till 3.00 afternoon i eat lunch and back sleep till 9.00 and using laptop a little bit to check this forum then back sleeping! is it normal in ocd cases?

6- do people back to normal and back there lives or it last for the life time please be honest!


I think it's good news that you are finally able to sleep at night.
Although I know that the panic and worries are back during the day, at least you have some rest from it all.

I think that most things anxiety related can be resolved. It's getting to understand why you feel that way and which fear the anxiety is playing into. When you understand why that fear particular gets to you, you can begin to calm it down and do something about it with techniques.

So yes, it is quite possible to recover.

I'm just pleased that you are safe and being looked after for now.