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Still awful

R

Raache

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 19, 2014
Messages
146
Location
Poland
I thought it was getting better, but it's not... I'm clearly having a depressive episode.. Unable to get up, just laying and staring blankly.. I skipped so many classes this week, I'm gonna fail this year for sure if it continues.. I think I'm gonna have to quit the major I started this year.. There's too much to do, and I have to finish the other one and get my degree.. I've got exams to pass, papers to write.. This thought makes me feel so angry on myself and frustrated and useless, I can't decide what to do, I love those classes, but it's overwhelming.. Everyone's gonna laugh at me for being such a fool.
I've been clenching my teeth unconsciously so hard, my whole head hurts. And my period is coming, so in a moment I'll be having cramps and dying from pain, as every freakin month.
I am clearly not made for this world...
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
1,000
Location
australia
...you are clearly made for another world!...

a world that you do not even recognise!...

but?...that you arrived there first!

you and me might just decide to let those others fake their efforts to identify themselves with you

it would be so much easier if I did not choose to like you
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Joined
Jul 22, 2013
Messages
756
Location
Isle of Wight
Hey Raache,

I can guarantee you that others aren't laughing at you. You are such an amazing energy and depressed periods are always a feature of our bipolar, I know how that feels.

I think you need to be more compassionate and try to wind in your expectations a little, okay? I do that, I get full of 'coulds' and 'shoulds' and they are only self-imposed goals. I like to treat my low periods as a time for healing and calming down and centring myself a little.

You WILL be fine, just be as compassionate to yourself as you would be to me or anyone else going through this.

Lots of lovely big hugs for you

:hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5::hug5:

Davey xx
 
R

Raache

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 19, 2014
Messages
146
Location
Poland
You guys are too kind...
I'll try and go to the last of my classes today.. Or I'll go to sleep.. I don't know, fuck, just take me to some other planet, please?
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
1,000
Location
australia
yes.....things can get crazy!..

you have proven yourself way beyond any person can arrive at!

I have the perfect insanity of confidence in you...

you are the perfect arrangement of yourself...

I will always back you....because you take risks
 
BlueBerry

BlueBerry

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 13, 2014
Messages
1,261
Location
Edinburgh
Sorry to hear you've been feeling crappy Raache. I think I know how you feel. I've been feeling so lifeless and tired for almost 2 months now. I hate getting out of bed. I think and move so sluggishly. It takes me ages to do anything.

I feel like I'm getting stupid, and my brain just isn't working at full capacity. When I try to write (one of my hobbies) my grammer seems shit and my vocabulary limited.

When I try to read I can barely concentrate on what I'm reading. My brain just doesn't process it. I have a ton of coursework to finish for next week and I can't get the motivation to do it. Good thing I don't have exams this semester or I'd be so friggin screwed.

I miss the lively hyperactive days back in September and October. I got so much done and my brain thought up so much interesting stuff. Now its... blugh.

Raache, I'm not sure how we get out of this slump. I think we might just have to grit our teeth and get through it. Its frustrating and boring and crap, but I don't know any other way.

Take care hon, :hug:
 
R

Raache

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 19, 2014
Messages
146
Location
Poland
I'm sorry you're feeling that way too, Blueberry... It's so unfair, isn't it?
This feeling of brain not working at full capacity is so frustrating, I know it well too. I can't concentrate on reading and it seems depression is blurring my mind completely.
I slept through the whole day... Didn't even bother to get something for dinner, the perspective of going out of the apartament is just too tiresome. And it's so bloody cold outside.
My mom called and asked how am I etc. I'm sure she's sensing something's wrong, she always does, but I'm lying that everything's fine, I don't wanna worry her yet. Tomorrow I'm going home for the weekend and I'll tell her everything when I get there.
 
BlueBerry

BlueBerry

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Joined
Sep 13, 2014
Messages
1,261
Location
Edinburgh
Well sometimes these crappy depressive slumps last a few months and other times it might just be a few weeks. Maybe it'll be quick this time and we'll snap out of it soon or at least get a bit livelier?

I'm hoping I'll perk up a bit when I go back home for Christmas and see my family and lovely cats again. :dance:
 
R

Raache

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 19, 2014
Messages
146
Location
Poland
Yeah, I miss my cat too.. Though he's an ungreatful bastard, lol
 
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