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Staying hungry to maintain control

Luna95

Luna95

Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Bedfordshire
Hi guys,

I was brought here to seek advise on how to help my mum mainly, she has borderline personality disorder (I was also diagnosed with this last year) and when she isn't stable she just will not eat, she uses it to maintain control of her life.
Last year the doctor declared her malnourished due to the eating disorder she has developed with her condition.

I wondered if anyone else has or knows someone with this same problem, as it is slightly complex.

And is there a way I can make sure my mum still stays healthy (via the right vitamins or drinks/milkshakes) without forcing her to eat.

Thank you
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
12,364
Location
Nowhere
hi Luna :welcome:!

not exactly the same problem no
I think maybe you can ask her doctor for advice
about how to help her

different disorders require varying degrees of encouragement
so the doctor would be first port of call
and then on to a carers support group perhaps

:grouphug:🎼🌅☀🐢🍀
 
Luna95

Luna95

Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Bedfordshire
hi Luna :welcome:!

not exactly the same problem no
I think maybe you can ask her doctor for advice
about how to help her

different disorders require varying degrees of encouragement
so the doctor would be first port of call
and then on to a carers support group perhaps

:grouphug:🎼🌅☀🐢🍀
Hi Zoe,

Thank you for responding. I will give that a go. Sometimes it's just knowing where to start first, thank you.
 
tonysawicki

tonysawicki

Member
Joined
Jul 26, 2020
Messages
14
Location
Australia
It's wonderful that you want to take care of your mum, just remember that you (the child) are not responsible for your parent's wellbeing. Particularly if you yourself are struggling with mental illness or newly diagnosed conditions. My mother had an eating disorder too, and she allowed it to affect her child (me) to the point that I developed an eating disorder too. You are not the parent. You should not be in the position that you're in. Being exposed to a parent's eating disorder, and feeling responsible for their health, is not a safe environment. Especially if you're young.

I suggest that she seeks appropriate help, so that the weight can be taken off you, and put elsewhere. You say she's been diagnosed with an eating disorder by her doctor; that doctor should be the one taking steps to advise and guide your mother. Not you.

I tried to manage my mother's eating habits throughout my younger years, and all I got in return was my own eating disorder, her scorn, and no accountability from her. She still refuses to admit what she has done to my mental health. My mother was abusive in addition to suffering her own ED, so your mother may be somewhat different to mine-- but regardless, reliance on your child, to the detriment of their own mental health, is an inherent misuse of power. Perhaps not one motivated by cruelty or negativity, but one that is damaging nonetheless.

You are also not qualified to manage a person's eating disorder. Trying to manage her eating habits will not only harm your health, you also cannot guarantee any effectiveness. Having her seek professional help is the best way forward, for both of you. She also needs to be accountable for her own health, and I say this as someone who is dealing with his own eating disorder; you simply cannot make someone get better unless they want to get better.

It's apparent that you love your mother. I would just encourage you to love yourself, as well. Don't take this on. Support her, let her know that she is loved, but do not take on the role of dietician or doctor. It is simply unsustainable. And I don't want you to end up resenting her for the pressure she is unknowingly (or knowingly) putting on you.
 
Zero One

Zero One

Well-known member
Joined
May 19, 2020
Messages
2,677
Location
United States
Hi guys,

I was brought here to seek advise on how to help my mum mainly, she has borderline personality disorder (I was also diagnosed with this last year) and when she isn't stable she just will not eat, she uses it to maintain control of her life.
Last year the doctor declared her malnourished due to the eating disorder she has developed with her condition.

I wondered if anyone else has or knows someone with this same problem, as it is slightly complex.

And is there a way I can make sure my mum still stays healthy (via the right vitamins or drinks/milkshakes) without forcing her to eat.

Thank you
Hi. I am fat but this happened to me before and I lost a lot of weight. I went without food for 10 days, but I was drinking water and tea. I feel like I fasted for a month at that time because of how little I was eating. It did feel very good to maintain control and not fear hunger or have fright over how much the hunger will hurt. My mind was totally different. What stopped me was getting ill.
 
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