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Starting to lose hope with my depression and anxiety

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LoneSurvivor

New member
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Leeds
Hello all,

I’ve had mental health issues since I was 16 maybe earlier on in my life but my brain can’t seem to recall it.
My main problems at the moment are:
Depression
Anxiety
No Confidence
No Motivation
Diazepam addiction
And many more.

My body is badly scarred due to me not wanting to be here, I have tried to end my life so many times that I can’t even remember how many times at this point.

The past few nights the police and ambulance service has come to my house as my parents we’re scared for my well-being I harmed my legs.

The 2 years I’ve been on a Benzodiazepines called diazepam and I’ve been on it at least 25-40 times in the past 2 years and I’m now needing it more and more frequently and have started to mix with alcohol to one boost the affects and other who knows it might stop my breathing. I can’t deal without it anymore I feel.

I have been through this so many time’s I’m losing hope in my life completely all the therapy’s I’ve been to all the counselling I’ve tried it seems hopeless. I do want to end my life but I don’t have the balls to do it sober!!

I’ve also been to a psychiatric hospital in the past as I’ve been a severe risk to myself and I felt like I didn’t deserve/belong in a place like that.

The only thing on my mind at the moment is picking up more diazepam from the chemist and getting so drunk maybe then I’ll have the balls to do something I clearly won’t regret as my brain can only take so much.

So if a few things don’t make sense in here or incorrect spelling my minds abit cloudy/not in the right place at the moment.

P.S. Can someone say something that’s magic so I can carry on with my never ending pain
 
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WhatSarahSaid

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2020
Messages
147
Location
New York
I'm not suicidal anymore, but I thought about it a lot as a teenager. When I moved out of that stage of my life (I'm now afraid of death), I told myself that if I ever really wanted to kill myself, I would instead just follow my instincts and live as if there were literally no tomorrow. Like, quitting a job, buying a plane ticket and moving somewhere else with just what I can carry.

I'm very sorry that you're struggling. None of what I'm saying probably helps at all, but I wanted to at least respond to you. I understand the drinking, I self medicate with alcohol as well. Try to hang in there. Maybe try to spend time with your parents, or friends, just to not be alone. I wish I could be more help. <3
 
Catty5

Catty5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
3,890
Location
USA
I feel you.... it’s really a lonely and tough fight. It’s so hard to keep a hope. But as the above peson said “try to hang in there” that’s only thing I tell myself. i’m in the similar situation. I was inpatient last year. But I never harmed myself. I don’t drink either.

One progress....I’m not anxious anymore with Fluoxetine 40mg for 5 months. I don’t take either benzo or other anti anxiety med anymore. I really can understand your fear of addiction to Benzodiazepines. Please try to avoid alcohol.

I truly hope you could find effective antidepressant.
 
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