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Starting my life over at 56

Guy12182

Guy12182

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2018
Messages
141
Location
Upstate NY
Hello everyone,
I'm from upstate NY and I'm a volunteer Fire Fighter & EMT. I find myself at the age 56 having to start my life over. I never would have imagined myself doing this since I thought everything was going great even though I have no friends and my only two brothers I do not speak to. I was ok with this because I was happy with my fiance and having friends/brothers at the firehouse. When i said i have no friends, that means I have no one in my social life to hang out with or would call me saying "why don't you come over and we can do things, hang out". That's what I consider a friend. People at the firehouse I could consider firehouse friends. But I have no friends in my social life.
My story is long so I will "try" to sum it up in a short story.
I've had mental issues since a young age. I was abused by a family member at a young age. I was picked on in school and being thin(not skinny because I absolutely hate this word), I was mentally and physically fragile. I ended up not graduating because I could not stand being picked on anymore so I left 10th grade.
I've only had two women in my life because I am a dedicated person. I was a decent person because I wasn't like other men. I would never, ever lust for other women or even look/stare at them because I hated men who were like that. I despised them. I always smoked marijuana because that was my escape from my feelings. I still smoke. Because this is and will never be "the root of my issues".
I met a girl at 16 and married her at age 25. I was a musician, a one man band playing guitar, singing, and had a keyboard that I programmed all my music in. I wrote songs too. Anyway, that was going good until we had a daughter. Then everything changed with my wife. I was being neglected because everything was about my daughter. my wife couldn't find it in herself to get a babysitter to go out when I played out. And another thing she did with my daughter growing up was to lack discipline skills. Evey time I went to correct my daughter, she would interfere and baby her. this became the final straw in our marriage. I separated from her after 23 yrs. She told me I had some learning to do while I stayed at my moms, lol.
One night after playing out, I was setting up my equipment at the bar I was playing at the next night. I decided to go out for a couple drinks. I met a new girl at this bar. I was not going out to meet anyone. It just happened. But I found happiness i had lost from my ex wife.
I've been with this new girl for 20 yrs. And at the age 56, I find myself alone again and looking to start over again. This story is another long one which I will not share with this long story.
All I can say is that I got better in life from a long road of one on one therapy, group therapy and throwing myself in a CBT book "Mind Over Mood". This book changed my life and gave me strength.
And now since my fiance is having her own issues I can't solve, I must leave her and start my life over. And it hurts so bad because I am a dedicated person. I am a lonely person and I do not like being alone. I may have to come to terms this is my life now.
Below is a picture of my music stuff that is now collecting dust. I can't play out because I do not socialize well with others and their not worth my talent or time.
Thank you for taking time to read such a long story. And this is only half the picture.
Best wishes to all and always stay safe,
Guy
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,773
Location
Teesside
Hi
It's a tough decision to make leaving someone for the benefit of your own mental health. Takes some strength.
You are not alone here. It's a friendly community.
Hugs
fox
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,773
Hello to you Guy,

You are very welcome here, it's tough when you have been with someone for such a long time and part.

Come in and join us, everyone is very supportive, join in wherever you feel most comfortable.:welcome:
 
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