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Starting again??? Overwhelmed 24/7

2UnicOrn7

2UnicOrn7

Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
13
Location
UK
Hi everyone.

This is my first thread as I have just joined today.

I wanted to get things off my chest to people who I believe will understand and hopefully share some tips.

Around 6 years ago I suffered with anorexia and bulimia (it shifted between the two) but I was severely underweight, mainly restricting, purging and over exercising. I got help at the time at the push of family members and friends and after numerous appointments, counselling and therapy I was getting better. Over time I gained weight and got back to a healthy weight and although the 'ED voice' was still around, I was able to ignore it and not act on those thoughts. Over the years, I have had a few blips in the sense that I have purged after consuming a lot of calories or restricted some days. But all seemed to be getting better and I didn't class myself as in recovery, I felt I was past it.

However, recently since early this year, the 'ED voice' has come back and is getting louder and louder. It started a few months ago and I have been unable to ignore the voice telling me to eat a certain amount of something, if I eat more than that then I will have to purge, constantly thinking about food, how bad or good it is for me, when is the next meal? what will you have? So therefore, I have acted on these thoughts.

Sometimes I sit down to eat already knowing that I WILL purge, and this is even after small meals or a snack not necessarily after binging (which has only happened a handful of times). I have recognised that it has become more common and I have confided in my partner who is extremely supportive but because he hasn't suffered with any illness of this type I find it hard to talk about and he doesn't understand (as much as he tries to).
I have put quite a lot of weight on during lockdown and I started to exercise (prior to the ED voice returning) and I was losing a bit of weight but then I lost motivation. I have been under a lot of stress this year and I also suffer with borderline personality disorder along with anxiety and depression so it is hard to separate the thoughts and I feel overwhelmed 24/7!! I am already on a huge variety of prescription medication which is being reviewed soon to ensure I am taking the right stuff.

I have recently spoken with my GP who has referred me back to the eating disorder service so I am waiting for an appointment. I have numerous books and print outs from my previous work with the eating disorder team but I can't bring myself to look at it to be honest. I just wondered if anyone had any tips or anything to cope better in the meantime?

Thanks x
 
miss_sensitivity

miss_sensitivity

Well-known member
Joined
May 12, 2021
Messages
276
Location
New Zealand
Welcome to the forum. I think it's a positive thing that you have opened up to your partner and are speaking with your GP about what's going on for you. You're going against the saying 'secrets keep you sick' so pat yourself on the back for taking the necessary steps again. I know it's not easy but I hope you find some peace x
 

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