• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Starting a Conversation

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Snowshoes68

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2019
Messages
93
Location
USA
I would like to open up to people I am close to about what I am going through. Most people have no idea that I am unwell even though it permeates nearly every aspect of my life. I show everyone a fake version of myself but I would like them to know me for real.

For those of you who have had successful conversations with people, what have you talked about? What tips do you have? Things to avoid?

For those of you who have not, what do you wish you could say?
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
11,679
Location
Nowhere
hi Snowshoes ,

I do have this problem but feel I'm making progress with it
and I think most people actually have a fake self
its there to protect your sensitive inner emotions

so there is alot of small talk goes on with people
and when its friendly and amicable
it is actually a way of showing love

and episodes where I'm really being myself
are less common
and have to do with my figuring out how safe I am
with the people I'm with

but a feeling of victory when it happens

you can start here, exploring who you really are

ive been in therapy for 35 years
and I still feel like a beginner !

:grouphug: 🕯 🍀
 
Mal84

Mal84

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2020
Messages
1,510
Location
Hovering in the Atlantic
To be honest I am very shy and quiet when you meet me at first, I have to get to know a person before I start being more like “me” which actually means a version of me that I think will make them like me. The mask and act is exhausting isn’t it?

The one place where I’m myself is with my care coordinator, she is the only person in this world that I trust to be totally me. It is being worked on though.

I’ve just finished the main part of a therapy called cognitive analytical therapy (CAT Therapy) which has helped a little with it and given me some ideas of some exits to certain situations when it comes to relationships.

When it comes to conversations I would try to find out things they like, be aware of the situation where you have met i.e you first meet in a coffee shop so talk about what hot drink they like, what cake they like, things like that and then go from then?
 
S

Snowshoes68

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2019
Messages
93
Location
USA
hi Snowshoes ,

I do have this problem but feel I'm making progress with it
and I think most people actually have a fake self
its there to protect your sensitive inner emotions

so there is alot of small talk goes on with people
and when its friendly and amicable
it is actually a way of showing love

and episodes where I'm really being myself
are less common
and have to do with my figuring out how safe I am
with the people I'm with

but a feeling of victory when it happens

you can start here, exploring who you really are

ive been in therapy for 35 years
and I still feel like a beginner !

:grouphug: 🕯 🍀
Thank you for sharing your insights
 
S

Snowshoes68

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 30, 2019
Messages
93
Location
USA
To be honest I am very shy and quiet when you meet me at first, I have to get to know a person before I start being more like “me” which actually means a version of me that I think will make them like me. The mask and act is exhausting isn’t it?

The one place where I’m myself is with my care coordinator, she is the only person in this world that I trust to be totally me. It is being worked on though.

I’ve just finished the main part of a therapy called cognitive analytical therapy (CAT Therapy) which has helped a little with it and given me some ideas of some exits to certain situations when it comes to relationships.

When it comes to conversations I would try to find out things they like, be aware of the situation where you have met i.e you first meet in a coffee shop so talk about what hot drink they like, what cake they like, things like that and then go from then?
Thank you for your ideas. Yes, it is quite exhausting putting on the mask all the time
 
M

Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
802
Location
South America
I would like to open up to people I am close to about what I am going through. Most people have no idea that I am unwell even though it permeates nearly every aspect of my life. I show everyone a fake version of myself but I would like them to know me for real.

For those of you who have had successful conversations with people, what have you talked about? What tips do you have? Things to avoid?

For those of you who have not, what do you wish you could say?
[/QUOTE
Your post is very interesting because i ve met people who wear a daily mask to hide their true selves.

I have suffred from depression and anxiety for many years but i have always been myself. When this condition started, i made a huge mistake of telling people that i was on antidepressants and that i could not spend a day without meds. And it was a huge mistake because people like to gossip. There are also some cruel people out there who will label you as crazy.

Today i simply dont talk about my meds. I never mention my depression in a conversation. There are very few people to whom i talk about this terrible condition.

I never felt that i wore a mask. I am a very open person , i dont have difficulty socializing and it i have no problem talking about my emotions. One of the reasons why i never needed to wear a mask is because my depression disappears as soon as i leave home. When im on my way back home depression starts showing up 3 or 4 blocks before i arrive.

Why not trying to be yourself without disclosing too much information about you being unwell? I would also recommend you to pick very carefully the people that you will allow to enter into your inner world.
 
A

aisha23

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 29, 2019
Messages
1,327
Location
UK
I am never a conversation starter which sort of sucks, because a lot of the time (no all the time, I have to wait for someone else to talk) and if they don't I'll never get to talk to them

however: once they start talking to me, I'm usually okay. may need prompting along the way, but I can hold a conversation

I suppose my tip (based on my own experience) is to make the conversation 2 sided

don't just talk about your life, your experiences, your worries, but give the other person a chance to talk about what they want to talk about, respond to you, etc

also asking questions like what do you want to talk about?. can help the person know they have a say.
 
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