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started self-harming again

maggie0123

maggie0123

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I haven't self-harmed for the past two months which was good but I started self-harming again last night because of a sense of shame. I constantly remind myself of things or conversations I had in the past that no one probably thinks of anymore and I suddenly hate myself again because I can not let anything go. This is every single day, and it's hard for me not to think of everything that happened or I used to do. When will things ever get better? or will it ever? it's honestly so hard and exhausting. I felt so anxious again this morning and had an anxiety attack. how do you let things go? Man this is so difficult
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Letting go of past things is hard. A lot of the time my mind is just dwelling in memories. It goes over things again and again. Some of these memories are really old, and I've played them in memory countless times, not accurately of course, but with fantasy about different things I might have said or done, and the fantasy/imagination achieves a different outcome. It's odd how much accumulates over the years.
 
calypso

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I am the same, they just pop into my head and won't go away. I cringe and say things like, "I must commit suicide" even though I have no wish to do so. I work hard on Mindfulness that I learned with DBT therapy and it works largely. It takes a lot of practise to make it work mind and isn't quick fix but I recommend it.

 
maggie0123

maggie0123

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I am the same, they just pop into my head and won't go away. I cringe and say things like, "I must commit suicide" even though I have no wish to do so. I work hard on Mindfulness that I learned with DBT therapy and it works largely. It takes a lot of practise to make it work mind and isn't quick fix but I recommend it.

If you don't mind me asking a bit about what you've been/are going through, do suicidal ideations still come to mind everytime you start hating yourself again?
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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i seriously self harmed for a long time but for 5 years my life was actually at risk from what i was doing to myself
now i have a partner and support 24/7 i hardly ever hurt myself

i do get urges but i know how much it upsets him when i hurt myself so i try so hard not to do it
you did well to not do it for a while ,you should be proud of that
i hope like me you are able to stop hurting yourself eventually x love Lu x
 
maggie0123

maggie0123

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i seriously self harmed for a long time but for 5 years my life was actually at risk from what i was doing to myself
now i have a partner and support 24/7 i hardly ever hurt myself

i do get urges but i know how much it upsets him when i hurt myself so i try so hard not to do it
you did well to not do it for a while ,you should be proud of that
i hope like me you are able to stop hurting yourself eventually x love Lu x
thank you so much this is really encouraging and helpful. hope you are safe
 
calypso

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If you don't mind me asking a bit about what you've been/are going through, do suicidal ideations still come to mind everytime you start hating yourself again?
Yes it does but I have no impulse to act on it. I have learned that my brain is wired a certain way and I am working on rewiring it to stop this. Its tough but I am making some inroads there with Mindfulness.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I haven't self-harmed for the past two months which was good but I started self-harming again last night because of a sense of shame. I constantly remind myself of things or conversations I had in the past that no one probably thinks of anymore and I suddenly hate myself again because I can not let anything go. This is every single day, and it's hard for me not to think of everything that happened or I used to do. When will things ever get better? or will it ever? it's honestly so hard and exhausting. I felt so anxious again this morning and had an anxiety attack. how do you let things go? Man this is so difficult
you replace that hatred and shame with sympathy and love for yourself
you forgive yourself, tell yourself that it is no wonder you did or said what you did
because of what you have suffered with up until that point

i would not think shameful of you
i would help you, if we could time travel back
i wish i could time travel back to younger me and help her
i feel so sad for her now whereas before i really didn't like her stupidity
 
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