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MarlieeB

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So I have finally got enough guts to actually post on here again. I've been too scared to but here I am.

Struggling is the word to use, death is staring me in the face, literally. All my thoughts have been consumed by dying. I had a plan which I talked myself out of yesterday, I hate myself for that. I still have it all prepared though.

I just can't see a future but also a little bit of me is telling me to wait and see whether the CBT is going to make me control it better.

Who would want a future when you have a life like mine?
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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You have a strong spirit marliee. Your light is switched on and you are winning.
 
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Helena1

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i couldn't go through with it either. i don't think i ever will seen as i couldnt then. so am just making the best of it from now on. :)
 
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Helena1

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what is?

i dont think you should drink.
 
Parissa

Parissa

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The mornings are worse for me. Maybe you will feel better later? It's just about getting through hour by hour and then it gets easier for a while.

:hug1:

Love Parissa
 

MarlieeB

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nope it's as the day goes on I feel worse and if I wake up feeling how I do as the day goes on it gets worse and worse :(
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Hope you have your dogs with you.
 
Parissa

Parissa

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nope it's as the day goes on I feel worse and if I wake up feeling how I do as the day goes on it gets worse and worse :(
I've read that that means your depression is psychological. I don't know how true that is but it was in a book about depression that i read. Have you had a difficult past?
 
Parissa

Parissa

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No i don't think so. I think people have psychological problems in addition to their mental illness sometimes though. If depression is fixed by medication, i was told it had a biological cause. There are different roots to depression, and some of those are trauma, some are biology, some are environmental. They can have the same symptoms, and medication can help all three (there may be more, i can't remember), but the root needs tackling before the depressions will go away.
 
Parissa

Parissa

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Sorry it's probably not helpful for me to say that right now. I can be insensitive sometimes. I'm just regurgitating what my psychiatrist and counsellor have said mostly.
 
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Quickduck

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It's normal to have dark thoughts with depression, but suicide can't be the answer. You’re precious and to destroy something precious is wrong; like destroying a work of art. You're such a lovely person and you've helped so many people here. You would be missed; I’d miss you, we all would.

Depression is an illness like the flu; and it’s not your choice to be ill, just like it’s not your choice when you get the flu.

I know the pain seems overwhelming, but you can get through this; I know things seem hopeless, but there is hope; things will get better; you can survive this, you can ride it out. Give the CBT a chance. Don't give up Marliee. :hug:
 
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