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Standing up for yourself

Kerome

Kerome

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Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,751
Location
Europe
I've started a difficult conversation with my father, about how he can sometimes be very sharp and unsupportive, which is sometimes hurtful to both myself and my mother. It's been quite liberating so far, to articulate feelings I've had for a long time but have been unable to express, usually cropping them up somewhere.

But this has been bothering me since I was about fourteen... my relationship with my father has always been a bit difficult. There is love there, and sometimes he can be very caring, but at other times he can push pretty hard at sensitive spots, on purpose. I don't know if he truly understands what he does but we will see.

Either way it feels good to stand up for myself, kind of like being true to my inner nature. I don't really like conflict, but this time it's the right thing to do.
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

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Jun 26, 2016
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1,495
Location
sillyville, USA
I think it's good you expressed yourself. I held on to bad feelings for years because I considered it the past so why dwell?
I found myself thinking about it though regularly so I expressed myself to my mom . I felt better too.
I never was a priority and felt like a bother. She never really liked kids so I never understood why she had three. When she remarried my stepdad he could be a good man but also passive aggressive and she never stood up for me.
Saying things like kids should be seen but not heard was hurtful. When I would go to my dads he got rid of animals that meant a lot to me.
Unfortunately my mom made excuses and never said I'm sorry I did that or allowed that.
I hope you are heard and validated by your father.
 
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B

Boring

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Jun 29, 2017
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1,885
Location
Bronx, New York
i don't have a father with me though. he left when i was a child. my mom is rougher than my father! and sometimes i wish i had a father with me. but I can see how having a father (who is sharp and unsupportive) would be rougher than not having one.

i rarely stand up for myself around mom. she calls all the shots and can kick me out on the street at any time. i would sooner secure money and rent my own room than stand up for myself around her, i think.
 
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