This condition is taking the toll on my body and again have to have more blood tests. My moods are swinging from one way to another.
This will be because your body needs adequate blood sugar levels throughout the day to help maintain your moods.
When you start under-eating/compensating or eating irregular amounts at irregular times it can really mess with your moods and make them swing widely. It affects your emotional thermometre and at times your moods may feel extremely high and energetic but on the large it may well be that you feel very low and flat and at times almost desperately suicidal.
Is it possible for you to eat a banana or some porridge at regular points in the day? These foods help you to sustain regular enegy levels and helps prevent those swings.
Trust is a problem I have and am suspicious of everyone's intentions. I'm always looking for a hidden agenda.
I can understand this. Unfortunately when you don't eat you become very aware of all of the places you can eat. So even if someone mentions going to the cinema you might see it as a hidden agenda to eat some popcorn or icecream.
The places I once loved when I was eating normally became places of torture because of food there when I was unwell. I began to realise how obsessed our nation is with food, how it is on every street corner and pervading our senses through the day on televsions, adverts , billboards. It offers a largely different and depressing perspective on life today.
Time is running out as I fear for my job and the chance to see friends again. Why I write on here I do not know as I don't even trust on here.
sorry.
Telling of my struggles gives other amunition against me as I'm finding, best to keep quiet.....
I will not use your struggles as ammunition against Kathrina. But maybe against her ED.
That is why I find it helpful to separate the ED from myself.
To say "I am Sapphire and I also suffer with an ED" Not "I am Sapphire and I am also anorexic".
The anorexia is not me, it is my coping mecanism. Anorexia can make enemies of your best friends if your anorexia sees their help as attacking Kathrina instead of helping her.
Keep talking Kathrina, even if you think it is about something really small. Like bacteria that thrives in warm environments I find it helpful to find in what environment my anorexia likes to grow in, then I try to look at ways to counteract that.
My anorexia thrived and grew rapidly in my silence. Speaking, talking, debating, challenging and remembering was what helped me to let it go.
