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Spring is coming but hell remains

kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
As my title says, Spring maybe on its way but the hell for me remains. I am not winning this battle at all. Now my job could be at risk and I desperately need advice. I have tried so hard not to throw up and eat normally. My body says one thing, my head says another. I feel like I have a constant battle going on. I'm so sad and upset right now. My head hurts and my body aches. Help.:confused::(
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Hi Kathrina,

Welcome back. I am sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. It sounds like you have been struggling since we last communicated?

Did you get the referral, how is home life etc? :hug:

Take care
Sapphire
 
kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
Hello sapphire,

How have you been?

My struggle hasn't stopped since we last communicated and time is running out. I am getting professional help and they have tried to help me. I am struggling in trying to restore my life. I'm just about managing work but still have days where I end up in tears. It is so hard.:(:( I'm trying to do an online course right now to assist me with my ED but I am so sad to stop it. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself as I'm sure you think I am. I have other stuff that has been going on as well which has contributed to the ongoing struggle.

I suppose I can only hope I find an end to this soon :unsure:

Kathrina
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
Hi Kathrina

I am so sorry to hear you are still struggling so much. I don't feel you are feling sorry for yourself at all. Living a life with an ED is a miserable existence although your ED will probably be thinking that everything is great.

Have you told anyone else about your struggles, is there anyone who can help you practically with meals/snacks?

What do you mean by your time is running out?

Take care hun, and keep talking, I found that my ED surivived in silence, it was talking and being open that helped me to see it as my enemy rather than my friend. :hug:
 
kathrina

kathrina

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 6, 2009
Messages
62
:( This condition is taking the toll on my body and again have to have more blood tests. My moods are swinging from one way to another. :( Trust is a problem I have and am suspicious of everyone's intentions. I'm always looking for a hidden agenda.
Time is running out as I fear for my job and the chance to see friends again. Why I write on here I do not know as I don't even trust on here.:oops: sorry.
Telling of my struggles gives other amunition against me as I'm finding, best to keep quiet.....

:(:unsure::(:cry::unsure::(


:confused::unsure:Is there a light out there for me?:unsure::confused:
 
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S

*Sapphire*

Guest
:confused::unsure:Is there a light out there for me?:unsure::confused:
The light is within you Kathrina. All people can do is help you find it, help you nurture it and nourish it to grow. But you are the one that has to do the work, no one else can do it for you. :hug:
 
S

*Sapphire*

Guest
:( This condition is taking the toll on my body and again have to have more blood tests. My moods are swinging from one way to another. :(
This will be because your body needs adequate blood sugar levels throughout the day to help maintain your moods.

When you start under-eating/compensating or eating irregular amounts at irregular times it can really mess with your moods and make them swing widely. It affects your emotional thermometre and at times your moods may feel extremely high and energetic but on the large it may well be that you feel very low and flat and at times almost desperately suicidal.


Is it possible for you to eat a banana or some porridge at regular points in the day? These foods help you to sustain regular enegy levels and helps prevent those swings.

Trust is a problem I have and am suspicious of everyone's intentions. I'm always looking for a hidden agenda.
I can understand this. Unfortunately when you don't eat you become very aware of all of the places you can eat. So even if someone mentions going to the cinema you might see it as a hidden agenda to eat some popcorn or icecream.

The places I once loved when I was eating normally became places of torture because of food there when I was unwell. I began to realise how obsessed our nation is with food, how it is on every street corner and pervading our senses through the day on televsions, adverts , billboards. It offers a largely different and depressing perspective on life today.

Time is running out as I fear for my job and the chance to see friends again. Why I write on here I do not know as I don't even trust on here.:oops: sorry.
Telling of my struggles gives other amunition against me as I'm finding, best to keep quiet.....
I will not use your struggles as ammunition against Kathrina. But maybe against her ED.

That is why I find it helpful to separate the ED from myself.
To say "I am Sapphire and I also suffer with an ED" Not "I am Sapphire and I am also anorexic".

The anorexia is not me, it is my coping mecanism. Anorexia can make enemies of your best friends if your anorexia sees their help as attacking Kathrina instead of helping her.

Keep talking Kathrina, even if you think it is about something really small. Like bacteria that thrives in warm environments I find it helpful to find in what environment my anorexia likes to grow in, then I try to look at ways to counteract that.

My anorexia thrived and grew rapidly in my silence. Speaking, talking, debating, challenging and remembering was what helped me to let it go. :hug:
 
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