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Spousal Arguments

S

StarryFox

Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2018
Messages
6
Location
West coast U.S.
So I'm more looking for advice and I hope I'm in the right forum- I couldn't tell if it belonged here or in people (forgive me, I'm new!)

My spouse and I both have short term memory issues, especially during stressful situations. So when we argue, it was suggested to me to write down things I want apologies for and things I want to apologize for after things cool down. This is also helpful because my spouse usually isolates themselves for a few hours so it's later when we can go over things.

Recently they have started saying it's toxic and 'fucked up' to keep a list, despite being suggested this originally by a therapist. I have suggested they do it for months and months but they refuse, then forget what they are upset about and get angry about forgetting.

Is this a toxic behavior? I see it as a very healthy, helpful way to remember what we should discuss and what issues need addressing- but I am open to not being right. I know it's subjective but I'm feeling very upset that they're claiming this is toxic when it's a way for me to cope with my memory issues.

Thank you in advance for your responses!
 
R

Roseessa

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2018
Messages
98
Location
Nottingham
Hi,
I don't think it is toxic, its just a way for you to deal with the memory problems.
After all just because you may not be able to remember doesn't mean your emotions/heart doesn't so to speak.
So at least you know why your angry or upset. Nothing wrong with that.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
9,864
Location
England
Hi,
I'm sorry you and your partner have memory problems, I don't think it's toxic keeping a list.
Here to listen anytime.
Take care
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2016
Messages
1,467
Location
sillyville, USA
If it is helpful to you two, it doesn’t matter what they say. It’s factually proven not toxic.
 
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