Specific fear of dying

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BosondeHiggs

New member
Joined
Jun 5, 2017
Messages
2
#1
Hello everyone, I've just joined this forum because I need to find a plateform where I can share my thoughts and try to get over this annoying and persistant thing that is anxiety attacks.

I have, every once in a while, a thought. That thought just crosses my mind, like any others, but it is morbid. And it stays, for hours, for days, and it burns me slowly both mentally and physically. As you understand, I have thoughts of death and panicks attacks.

I all started last year, when my grandparents died. One died of Fulminante Hepatitis, and the other of a pulmonary oedema. I was in 1st year of Medicine, it was during the exams sessions, and I started having panicks attacks. The first day, I only had one but it lasted for a few hours, then it stopped. Two days later, I had two in a row with only an hour to rest inbetween. Then, I had around 5 panicks attacks every day, I was truly exhausted and I didn't know what to do. I just knew I had to learn how to live with it, and that Anxiety was now part of me, in my shadow, always around to show up when you don't expect it.
My lowest point was when I had to stop the bus in the middle of the road because I couldn't breathe, my heart was pounding into my chest. Every one was looking at me as If I had turned crazy. Then I called the ambulance, that sent me home because I didn't have anything. And when I got home, I called them again, because the fear wouldn't just go away. So I stayed the night at the hospital where they gave me an anxiolytic and put me to sleep. The next day, I couldn't face the doctors, I was full of shame, like if I had just commited a crime : I wasn't ready to admit that I had anxiety attacks, but I definitely wanted to get rid of them.

And then, it disappeared for around 6-8 month, with some appearing sometimes but I was nothing I couldn't handle. During this period, I would sometimes have a panick attack but I would call somebody and talk to him to change my mind, or I would just do something that'd put my mind away.
And now it came back., but stronger I always have this thought that I'm dying : today, I feel like I have an abdominal aortic aneurysm that is about to rupture in my abdomen and kill me, without any chance to survive. I know that this won't go away without and abdominal echography that confirm I don't have it, and I don't know what to do.

Plus, I'm a student in medicine (2nd now) : I know it's a very rare condition, but panick attacks consist in irrational fear, and there's that part of me that just doesn't care of the odds of that happening. So I don't know what to do, I don't dare talking to my doctor since it could be seen really badly and I feel like I'm not being understood by my family nor my friends. "You're ok, it's just you", "stop thinking about it, it'll go away". "You're hypochondriac, you know it, why don't you just lay down for a while and let that go" : all those comment just make it worse.
Should I ask a doctor an Abdominal Echography and then, when that fear is at ease, contact a psychotherapist ? Or should I go straight to a psychotherapist with that fear ?

I don't know what to do, I'm helpless. I'm grateful that such a forum exists, I really needed to express myself.

P.S : English is not my native language, I apologize in advance for any errors.
 
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reese34

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 8, 2016
Messages
396
#2
Hi, I am sorry that you feel like this! I too cant help to think about it. I too like many of us have lost a loved one. TW,<-- Trigger warning. The thing is it is fact of life and sadly nothing I can do about it.
For those who believe in afterlife then I hope there is!! hope you find this forum helpful!
 
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BosondeHiggs

New member
Joined
Jun 5, 2017
Messages
2
#3
Hi, I have an SSRI in my pharmacy. I was prescribed this medication last year after I described my symptoms of anxiety but I've never taken one so far. But today, I feel like I'm really about to break a nerve and I have an exam tomorrow. Do you think this is a good idea if I take one for the first time, the evening before an exam, knowing that I'm really freaking out ?

I just need to be calm, feel safe.
Thank you for your answer.
 
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