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Sorry if this is not the correct place to post. Dissassociation?

I

ix_galaxy

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Joined
Dec 22, 2016
Messages
8
I know that the internet is no place in getting a proper check up but I feel its a good place for me to vent about how I feel and all that. I booked my first ever mental health session for January and I am both nervous and excited to finally talk about my feelings and all that. I don't easily trust people so I am kind of skeptical about the process though, I personally struggled with these issues for most of my life but I feel that they started escalating more when I was about 12 years old. I'm 19 btw.
Here they are:
1. I become very detached from reality and dissociate, I have a tendency to what I call "escape from reality". I prefer to be in my own world rather than focus on reality. I feel overwhelmed by people and sometimes I take on others people's problems/feelings onto me that it can become draining, I need time to recharge and because of this I can spend hours on end just laying in bed. After, I get out of my zone out time, I feel sluggish and hate/punish myself cause I feel that I had wasted so much time when I could have been doing something productive.
2. I get emotional outbursts, sometimes if things happen all of the sudden, there is sudden change, sudden noises, too crowded etc. I can get emotional, I'll start crying, my heartbeat goes up and I sweat. I even would need to be alone, or zone out. I notice that this can happen to me in crowded areas, like the subway. I would need to close my eyes and all that. I also notice I get stomach aches and headaches/migraines if I am anxious/stressed.
3. I tend to have a habit of self-blaming and criticizing, I have a habit of setting high standards of myself. I know this is good but because of this I can become too much of a perfectionist and easily become frustrated with myself if I do not achieve what I want. I can become self destructive at times too as well.
4. I tend to depend on others for my own self-esteem, I have really low self-esteem and have a habit of depending on others to make me feel better. I constantly worry and blame myself if people stop talking to me, I know its not my fault but I always feel as if: Man I should have done this, should have done that etc. I pressure myself to be the best friend/daughter and have good intimate relationships even with people that are clearly taking advantage of me. I have become better tho and not being so dependent but it still a part of me. I also have a hard time deciding things on what I want, it takes me so much time and research to make choices. I often feel that I need to constant reassurance that I am doing okay from others not because I seek attention but because I never feel that I am enough to trust my own self. I am dating someone at the moment, and honestly its my best experience ever. He also has some personal issues and me and him share similar problems we help each other out a lot too.
5. I overanalzye, over-worry and all that about everything.
6. My mood changes, I can have days where I am normal and just blah, all of a sudden I am angry and moody and some days I am hyperactive.
7. I have a hard time focusing on something unless its something that I really like, explains why I am not the best student at times unless its a class I really like. I notice that I will be working and as I work my mind has inner conflicts with itself.

so can anyone offer any advice and all that?
I know that the internet is no place to get a proper mental health check-up but I just want an area that I can talk to. My family is not too supportive with mental health, so I had to wait till I was 18 at least to use my university to have my first mental assessment. Also I experiences these since I was a kid.
there's more to it but I will talk about that more in the thread as it goes.
also I am not sure if this is the correct fourm area to post this. If not I do apologize and will move it if needed. I want to emphasis the most on the dissassociation/dependency/outbursts.
also I have no diagnose btw. if anyone can suggest what are some potential mental issues I could have be free to comment and when I go to counselling I can try to talk about them. my friend did that she researched some disorders and when she went to counselling she opened up
 
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Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
A lot of what you describe sounds normal to me for your age. We are not all the same, coming from the same cookie cutter. I'd say you were a normal neurotic person. Picking on yourself for taking a time out, being dependent on others for your self esteem, these are normal things you are meant to out grow in time.
 

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