• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Soo took me 11 yrs to realize this...

M

Missingapart

Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Germany
Well 11 yrs of marriage and 8 yrs in treatment for bipolar 1. I realize I hate myself more now then before. Is that normal? I like my mania but it’s destructive. So it has to go. I don’t like depression so I’m scared that will come back. But anyways yea! Before my treatment I didn’t hate who I was or how I was. Granted I didn’t like life but I had no hate for myself. But I feel hate for myself.

I don’t have a therapist or a psych to go to. Kinda at a hard spot in life right now.

someone decided to go lie about me. Saying I wasn’t taking my medications, not seeing my doctors and having a hard time adjusting. The head of the medical team who doesn’t care for me and never met me. Email my doctor all this including we have to move the family. Oh we’re military.

My doctor calls me. He already knows I am medicated cause I’m my file I just recently refilled my meds. I even told him I can do bloodwork to prove it. I told him it was a lie. I’m fine. I didn’t need to see doctors so he wasn’t sure what was going on. So he had to put the head of the medical team back. And settle that person down.

while I panic because what the hell!! This head person believed a lie!!!! Anyways yea. I don’t trust people.


so now I notice I hate myself wooo
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,362
Location
Nowhere
I went through that self hatred
I needed alot of talking therapy not just meds

do you know where you can start looking for leads
sometimes the first person you ask
will give you a lead to someone who can help

what are the services like where you live ?

:grouphug: 🌠
 
M

Missingapart

Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Germany
I’m a dependent overseas so none. Haha. It’s very limited. I was controlled when we got here. But the moved messed me up then the first pysch was mean so I just gave up. Took the abuse. Kinda never really attempt to reach out for help. Then the new general doctor was super helpful gave me hope a year later so I tried again.

The next pysch acted like I had only 2 options. So I didn’t like that. So I just stop. Then the whole head of the medical team happen in September. So I’m pretty much done with asking for help.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,362
Location
Nowhere
k but you are reaching out online
so there is still hope

I just did a search on Google
for international mental health organisations
and got alot of links like this one :


I dont know if its any good
but you could try searching

you might find someone who can talk to you on Skype

and keep posting here as well
tell us more


🌹 💜 🌠
 
E

EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,622
Location
USA
I had a similar little transition where I started to despise my more impulsive side after previously thinking I was the best thing since sliced bread.

try to view it as a chance to get to know yourself again. Cause there’s way more to you than what you’re not liking right now. Take some time to find out what you appreciate about yourself now. Perhaps your opinion on certain aspects of yourself is changing a touch as you grow. Doesn’t have to be a bad sign. Best of luck.
 
M

Missingapart

Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Germany
I
k but you are reaching out online
so there is still hope

I just did a search on Google
for international mental health organisations
and got alot of links like this one :


I dont know if its any good
but you could try searching

you might find someone who can talk to you on Skype

and keep posting here as well
tell us more


🌹 💜 🌠
i’m a bit brain dead right now so googling is not gonna work for me. Let alone trying to look at things. I can’t focus sooo I’m a bit off heh. But thank you
 
M

Missingapart

Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Germany
I had a similar little transition where I started to despise my more impulsive side after previously thinking I was the best thing since sliced bread.

try to view it as a chance to get to know yourself again. Cause there’s way more to you than what you’re not liking right now. Take some time to find out what you appreciate about yourself now. Perhaps your opinion on certain aspects of yourself is changing a touch as you grow. Doesn’t have to be a bad sign. Best of luck.
thank you for that. Didn’t think of itlike that. Then again I can’t think haha! Appreciate it!
 
Top