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son just diagnosed with bpd

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candyman2011

New member
Joined
May 12, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Philadelphia, PA
my son was just diagnosed with bpd as well as major depressive disorder and anxiety. last week he created an elaborate hoax that put everyone into a panic. He called all members of my family and told us that he was in a major car accident with an airbag deployment. As we all rushed to the hospital it was confirmed that not only did he not have an accident at all but was not in the hospital either. I am terrified about what he will do next and I feel no trust whatsoever. My anger over his actions are very strong and now he is claiming that because of how angry I am that I don't love him and will leave his life. Don't know what to think or do?
 
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Lora

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2019
Messages
89
Location
United Kingdom
My daughter has bpd and dose lots of similar things like telling school to call me to say she's taken an overdose I took her to hospital and after her being checked over found no evidence of this . When I asked her why she did that her answer was to see if I care this illness is so difficult to understand I realised that me being angry doesn't help or change the situation as she's stuck inside her own mindset of thoughts which don't appear to be truthful or logical . Being educated about bpd was then my next move so that I could view things more from her perspective. I was Reccomended by a psychologist to read -stop walking on eggshells. This helped a lot I now have a greater understanding of how she thinks and feels .
 
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Lora

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2019
Messages
89
Location
United Kingdom
I asked her to write me a letter so that she could self reflect each time there's been an incident ( there's been 4 years of dealing with this illness ) she has improved regarding each incident she's written about as an apology. I felt I needed to let her understand accountability as well as responsibility plus how I felt as a mum. She continues to display extreme mood swings and idealises then devalues me in other ways - verbally aggressively- there's no grey area no middle ground no balance. I have felt isolated for years and continue to love and support her as best I can. It's the most difficult thing I've ever had to accommodate and watch as I just want her to be happy unless your in it you don't understand the impact this has not only on the child but on those who love them x
 
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Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,255
Doesn’t sound like bpd. Just sounds like a kid trying to get attention.

Bpd comes from childhood trauma or abuse.

And I’m afraid this thread is triggering me so I will end this post now.
 
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Lora

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2019
Messages
89
Location
United Kingdom
They create their own reality almost like living in a different world like you kinda lose them and want so much to bring them back. The lies are like a coping mechanism part of the world they create in their own mind. It's hard not to take every thing personally like you've somehow let them down or failed as a parent. I've scrutinised every aspect of my parenting style looked for faults so that I can also take responsibility for my child's suffering. I've gone into school to ask for help - then college as she's grown - doctors- mental health services- counsellors- psychologist paid private. Asked them if there was anything they thought I should change or could improve regarding her care. Was willing to be reprimanded if need be. But they couldn't understand why she was the way she was. As she is well cared for and very much loved by me. Yet the behaviour is still prevalent today. I always have to remind myself how she thinks is different from how I think and she uses coping mechanisms to protect her self from facing reality
 
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Lora

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2019
Messages
89
Location
United Kingdom
You are absolutely right about bpd and trauma I'm talking from my perspective as her parent. She has another parent who hides in the background and reports there are no issues I believe he has a lot to answer for as she's always lived with me apart from all the weekends during her childhood she spent with him . He refuses to come to any appointments saying he's self employed and busy and if she overdoses he knows he's done his best in providing for her. But money isn't everything. Emotional validation is what's missing on his part. So there's always two sides to every story. That was just mine x
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
So sorry I had no idea, just goes to show how little I know :hug:
 
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