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Something's wrong with me- 24 yrs old

R

ronvieky

New member
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
1
Hi. I'm 24yrs old- mechanical engineer. Graduated last year. I'm from india, and currently working with my dad in a family business.

I'm afraid i may be having a bi-polar disorder. But i'm not sure.

It starts in the morning. Sometimes when i wake up, i'm irritated and bugged. And then the whole day is spent doing nothing. I dont learn anything new, n don't do anything either. My used to get furious with me at times. Well- now we hardly talk. And i dont want to talk either.

Sometimes i'm so cheerful, and happy that i regret why i wasted so much time sitting on desk reading magazines and playing games in the office. And then some situations or probably people turn me into a self-hating moron, and the depression cycle starts. Unlike bi-polar i dont have any mania. I'm just happy being me during the up phase. But when i'm down- i mostly feel suicidal. And have to take a sleeping pill when its uncontrolable.

I tried consulting a psychiatrist in town, but he gave me some funny medicine, and i kept sleeping the entire afternoon. Feeling more depressed at night. So i discontinued his medicines. I can't beat around the town about my illness. My dad's a respected person here, and i don't want people to find his son like this. It'd take me into more depression.

I'm doing a distance learning course in MBA, also bought some books on manufacturing science- specific to our produc range, and i must revise my previous college books too- so that i dont forget the important topics from my engineering books. Plus- i was supposed to constantly learn everything about the production and manufacturing and operations. I had a panic attack. Everyday i got anxious and sleepless. I couldn't set my priorities, there was no time management, and i felt hopeless. Everyday. I started reading on self help and positive thinking. Doing small jobs and hoping to get better. And soon this bi-polar kicks in. And now its become a routine.

A strange cycle. My family members despise me- my cousins make fun of me. Everyone's asking me- what have i given to the company in the last 1yr. Dad wont talk to me anymore. Mom keeps trying to build confidence and faith in me. My dad's elder brother - the MD looks down upon me- and finds i new way of embarrassing me everyday. My dad's younger brother, who handles most of the technical functions- ill treats me and embarrasses me infront of the staff.

Learn to be humble- to learn and gain knowledge when starting a career. That's what i was told. And i tried to be as humble as i could. But i dont know if its was family politics or my unknown mental illness- i dont seem to be enjoying living anymore.

I've been not of home living miles away from town for more than 10yrs now. So i have absolutely no friends here in my hometown. The close one's got job out of town and left, and some went abroad.

Lets take a quick look-

Things i have and should be happy for-
1. Rich dad- lots of money.
2. Caring family.
3. No worry about Job- i'm the future COO (Chief of operations).
4. Degree holder in mechanical engineering.

Things that are unfavourable for me-
1. The fact i may be bi-polar or something.
2. No use of degree- if i can't apply what i learnt.
3. Dad wont talk- everyone in the family despises of me. Noone like me- and body language and attitud shows this clearly.
4. While working- and trying to learn how all the operations are working, i have to learn MBA, revise college books, and update my knowledge on specific manufacturing sciences of our product range- which was not taught to me at college.
5. No friends. No contacts with college friends either. I was more of a paranoid back in college- so didn't make any good friends to fall back on.
6. Labor dispute in factory for the last 1yr- almost 2months prior to my joining. The 1st time every since the company began- exactly the same yr i join business. So it does make sense why everyone's always in a bad mood. But what can i do to help? Nothing.

Can anyone tell me whats wrong here. Is this situational? Or am seriously having a disorder?
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
I don't think any one on here can tell you what is wrong. The best thing would be to discuss your worries with a doctor.
KP
 
D

Dollit

Guest
If you don't have mania then it possible that you don't have bipolar disorder.

I think you're under a lot of pressure to do well and that could make you feel the way you are feeling. Culturally if you're expected to deny that there's anything wrong with you are you are made to feel that there's something wrong with you because you're ill it will make things harder to deal with.

You sound quite isolated but you are more than welcome to keep coming back here and talking to us.
 
G

grace68

Well-known member
Joined
May 12, 2009
Messages
599
Location
yorkshire
your description of yourself sounds incredibly similar to my experience when i was a student- getting through nursing college was an absolute nightmare, and any self-directed learning was a disaster- at times i had almost zero motivation, despite having a constant deep sense of anxiety that i was going to fail, and that i was a rubbish nurse. at that time, i was not diagnosed with any illness. i also didn't have any obvious mania- but looking back, there were times when i wasn't depressed- and had great confidence in myself, and could produce written work much more easily. nothing unusual in that it would seem, it's just that the contrast was very marked, and i swung from one to the other. i don't think i even got any help with the depression at that stage.

but it was such a dreadful struggle, and i didn't have the terrible family and work pressure that you do. i notice that you live in india. my husband is from india, and we have visited india. i may be wrong, but i think it may be difficult for you to find psychiatric help? but an anti-depressant at least may help you at this stage.

i really hope things get better for you. i just really feel for you, in your situation. it's good to find a forum like this, where people can talk openly about mental health problems and give each other support- so please keep visiting us here.

by the way, i was only diagnosed with bipolar about 10 years later, when i had psychosis after the birth of my first child. even then, i was first diagnosed with post-natal depression. it was 18 months later, when i had a relapse, that i got put onto lithium. thinking about it, i had had many depressive episodes in the 10 years between being a student, and having my children, i am sure i had anti-depressants for those.

everyone is unique. that is how my illness developed over the years. but your descriptions did sound so familiar to me, i just wanted to reply. your life is still ahead of you, and full of potential. there is no way of knowing if you will have psychiatric problems in the future. maybe, and hopefully, you could get help for this awful depression you are experiencing right now, and then recover, and then be able to enjoy the rest of your life. it's really important to have hope. when you're depressed there is only fear, but i hope you will get the help you need, so you don't always feel this bad.
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
IMO you need to get away from the family that are mocking you, it seems to me they could be the cause of some of the mh stuff, That said you have found this forum so I hope it could be of good use to you to find ways of coping just having support I think will help you immensly so keep in touch n keep posting.
 
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