Something to share.

K

knightfall893

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Jul 3, 2015
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Bangor, NI
Hi all,

I'm new to the forums and have something I'd like to share because reasons. Any thoughts would be appreciated?

Sometimes I'm sitting beside someone I really care about and every fibre of my being wants to hold them, to feel their warmth and never to let them go; to be held by them until all the pain, the loneliness, the anger and despair leaves me. But pride, shame and fear of alienating that person prevent me from telling them. And that want, that need, among other things has been slowly destroying me on the inside. I'm 24 now - I'm not a kid anymore, meaning I'm now expected by society to help myself, to pull myself together. But admittedly, I miss having the affection given to a child or a teenager, and the youthful optimism I once had. Now, I'm completely drained emotionally and have become a shell of what I used to be. Without any compassion, love, empathy and worst of all, hope.
 
M

MarlieeB

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:welcome: to the forum

Marliee x
 
Nikita

Nikita

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Hi Knightfall:welcome:

That is a lovely thought wanting to be so close to someone and hold them until you are healed from emotional negativity.I know you think 24 is grown up but it is still very young,there is no reason to try to surpress your need for closeness,you say pride and shame stop you from communicating your need, try and put them aside and reach for the closeness you crave.It is normal and natural and it is some stupid unwritten rule says that the openness and closeness of teenagers and children has to stop when we reach adulthood,pay no heed to this, you are still able to show affection and hold your loved ones no matter how old you get.I am sorry you find you have lost your youthful enthusiasm and are emotionally drained.You need lots of rest, perhaps a fun filled holiday to restore you trust,faith and to develop again close relationships where you naturally exchange affection and aren't held back by pride and shame.I hope you can get back to that!Blessings!Nikitax
 
Unique1

Unique1

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Welcome to the forum !

Unique1 xx
 
bunnie_gurrrl

bunnie_gurrrl

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I also have similar feelings to this... I'm a very soppy, affectionate and emotional person and I miss the affection that I received as a child (I'm 22 now), especially when I'm feeling ill, I just want someone to look after me! It makes me feel silly that I feel like this :S my family are not as openly emotional as me and so I feel that they don't really understand. I also can relate to your feelings of losing your enthusiasm... I used to be positive and optimistic and nowadays, I feel hopeless and I'm losing the energy to want to struggle through something even if the outcome will be something good, because some things are just getting too difficult.
 
Nikita

Nikita

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I am the same.Since the depression I have no fight left in me and cannot make an effort to struggle or handle hassle for survival like I had to do when younger.I just want to give in and stop fighting,if it means ending my life sometimes I think I would just let go and allow it.It is just too difficult.I spend the whole night answering parking space enquiry for £6.60, to let my drive for 12 hours and it isn't fucking worth the effort.Some people just take the fucking piss and take advantage,I cancelled the arrangement in the end but I am answering fucking messages since 8pm till now.I mean F**K You!Nikitax
 
K

knightfall893

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Bangor, NI
Nikita,

First of all I would like to say thank you for the message (it's nice to know someone out there will actually send one back these days.) and also or the suggestion. Unfortunately I can't follow that advice since I happen to be very, very broke and a few days away from being without a home. (Quick thought on that regard: London is a fantastic city for those who have money, and a living hell for those who don't.) Truthfully, I am heavily considering ending my life and have planned on how and when to do do it. And therein lies the problem; how to tell those who are closest to me? I reckon other suicidal people reading this thread would agree that it's almost never a simple case of "Hello _____, how are you? How's the job? Still listening to _________? Great! By the way, I want to kill myself. But enough about me!" etc, etc. It's bloody hard.
 
neorealism

neorealism

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knightfall893, random as it may be have you seen Just Before I Go (2014) - IMDb
hope it doesn't come across as patronising, but I thought it was a touching movie about a protagonist who is going through something you could possibly relate to.
 
neorealism

neorealism

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Hi Knightfall,

Hope it doesn't come across as patronising but I've recently seen a movie (Just Before I Go) and I feel the character in the movie is going through a similar process as you. Don't know if you've seen it, it's not a masterpiece but maybe something that you could watch and draw your own conclusions from.

Regarding your home situation, have you been in contact with the council, they have a duty to re-house you and place you in temporary housing, if you can provide evidence that you are being made homeless. I also feel people who can openly talk about suicidal thoughts are those who deep down want to stay alive and just in desperate need of help. I hope you can find some comfort in these forums.
 
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