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Someone taking over my body...?

L

Lirio

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Manchester
CW: Internalised homophobia

Hey there,
I’m new here, and I largely made this account just to make this post, as I’m struggling. I’ve been meaning to find somewhere to post this for a while, so here goes.
Just to preface this, I don’t need anyone to respond telling me to see a professional, etc. I have already spoken to various doctors and mental health professionals about this, including a psychiatrist, and am continuing to access help. It’s just difficult, because no-one can tell me what’s wrong. The psychiatrist confirmed that it doesn’t seem to be a psychosis thing (although I have a history of psychosis), because I don’t actually believe I’m possessed or anything. He acknowledged there seems to be a dissociative aspect, but couldn’t diagnose me with anything. I was worried it might be DID, but another mental health professional told me this would be unlikely because I don’t have distinct, different personalities with names, etc. (although I’m not sure how accurate that is - any folks with DID feel free to let me know).
Okay, so I’ll explain what’s happened. Basically, just over two months ago, I was suffering with increasing amounts of anxiety, especially around exams and my sexual identity (don’t need any comments on this, please), and this increasing feeling that my life would be better if I was someone else. I’d been hearing voices in the run-up to that week telling me that my life would be easier if I was straight, and that I should “try harder,” to be straight (obviously not how it works), etc. Then suddenly one day, I had this feeling come over me like a wave and I immediately felt like someone else. Not in a minor way, I literally felt like some other person had come into my body and taken over my brain. It felt like all of the voices I’d been hearing and all the nightmares I’d been having came together to form an actual person. And it feels like this person has been controlling most of my actions since then. My sense of self right now is incredibly fragmented, I don’t know who I am at all anymore. I feel like I’ve lost myself to this “intruder personality”. I don’t know how to recover myself anymore, or if I ever will. I feel further away from my original self than I ever have done. I hoped I might just go back to normal after a while (especially after I got through exams, etc.), but it just hasn’t made a difference. If anything, everything’s worse. I’m worried how it’s going to impact on other areas of my life, as it’s affecting my social life a lot (and not in a good way), which is causing me more stress. I’m getting really desperate, as I don’t know when this is going to end. I keep getting pushed from pillar to post and no-one can seem to really help me.
Just to reiterate, I’m not coming here for advice, a diagnosis, or a cure. I’m really just trying to see if anyone’s gone through anything similar. Sorry this was a long post, but it’s a complex problem, and I feel that the context was probably relevant. Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Lirio
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
564
Location
Plymouth
I'm no expert but what I do know is that from a young age everyone is expected to get married when they are an adult, it's like learning to ride a bike, learning about a lot of things, once you learn all of these things it gets difficult to unlearn them, it gets rooted into your subconscious mind.

It is & isn't something to worry about, is in the fact that that your subconscious has learned that being straight & getting married is normal & now it's trying to dominate your conscious mind with voices telling you just that, & it isn't because it's just that nothing else, that's the only problem.

Your subconscious can't accept that you aren't straight, but it will over time, believe me, then it will be OK.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
1,386
Location
Sheffiield
I was possessed by my voice a few times, he took full control of my body and made me do things I would have never done on my own.

This was done by him taking advantage of higher than normal Dopamine levels in my system, do you use Cannabis, drink alcohol or feel euphoric when this happens?

I believe we all carry around with us a second consciousness with it's own personality and identity. We are a binary species with two minds occupying the same body and this other mind can influence our mind and body.
 
Edinscotbrit

Edinscotbrit

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
171
Location
Scotland
CW: Internalised homophobia

Hey there,
I’m new here, and I largely made this account just to make this post, as I’m struggling. I’ve been meaning to find somewhere to post this for a while, so here goes.
Just to preface this, I don’t need anyone to respond telling me to see a professional, etc. I have already spoken to various doctors and mental health professionals about this, including a psychiatrist, and am continuing to access help. It’s just difficult, because no-one can tell me what’s wrong. The psychiatrist confirmed that it doesn’t seem to be a psychosis thing (although I have a history of psychosis), because I don’t actually believe I’m possessed or anything. He acknowledged there seems to be a dissociative aspect, but couldn’t diagnose me with anything. I was worried it might be DID, but another mental health professional told me this would be unlikely because I don’t have distinct, different personalities with names, etc. (although I’m not sure how accurate that is - any folks with DID feel free to let me know).
Okay, so I’ll explain what’s happened. Basically, just over two months ago, I was suffering with increasing amounts of anxiety, especially around exams and my sexual identity (don’t need any comments on this, please), and this increasing feeling that my life would be better if I was someone else. I’d been hearing voices in the run-up to that week telling me that my life would be easier if I was straight, and that I should “try harder,” to be straight (obviously not how it works), etc. Then suddenly one day, I had this feeling come over me like a wave and I immediately felt like someone else. Not in a minor way, I literally felt like some other person had come into my body and taken over my brain. It felt like all of the voices I’d been hearing and all the nightmares I’d been having came together to form an actual person. And it feels like this person has been controlling most of my actions since then. My sense of self right now is incredibly fragmented, I don’t know who I am at all anymore. I feel like I’ve lost myself to this “intruder personality”. I don’t know how to recover myself anymore, or if I ever will. I feel further away from my original self than I ever have done. I hoped I might just go back to normal after a while (especially after I got through exams, etc.), but it just hasn’t made a difference. If anything, everything’s worse. I’m worried how it’s going to impact on other areas of my life, as it’s affecting my social life a lot (and not in a good way), which is causing me more stress. I’m getting really desperate, as I don’t know when this is going to end. I keep getting pushed from pillar to post and no-one can seem to really help me.
Just to reiterate, I’m not coming here for advice, a diagnosis, or a cure. I’m really just trying to see if anyone’s gone through anything similar. Sorry this was a long post, but it’s a complex problem, and I feel that the context was probably relevant. Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Lirio
No-one can comment on your particular circumstances, I have no experience of this.

Could be disassociation, DID, etc. The only persons who can remotely make an idea would be your Drs etc.

If it`s to do with being gay and you wanting to not be, to bad, you cannot change your sexuality, you are who you are.Trying to deny it will just cause your misery and upset in the long run. Don`t try to deny yourself of who you are.

Continue working with your medical team and accessing help. Trying to be someone who your not, no medical intervention can help that, that is for you to accept.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
2,319
Location
USA
It doesn't sound like DID at all.DID is something that develops before the age of 5 from extreme,prolonged trauma and the "intruder personality" would have been taking over during times of being triggered all along.It's not something that suddenly happens in adulthood.DID also isn't "feeling" like someone else.It's "becoming" someone else,most times with no awareness(amnesia).And yes to be diagnosed with it one has to have distinct,different personalities,but not necessarily with their own names.

It could possibly be some kind of dissociative event though,every single person on the planet dissociates to varying degrees.Most times without it being a disorder.Plus there's other dissociative things like derealization and deprsonalization.And there's also OSDD.But if you have been told you don't have a disorder I would trust that.

IDK,I kinda agree with what Cpt_Stunning said tbh.
 
nomask

nomask

Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
23
Location
USA
As someone who both has DID and psychosis, I second how SunnyDaze describes DID, the description you have doesn't sound particularly like DID or OSDD. I assume the voice is not an external voice you're hearing since your pdoc is saying it's not psychosis?

Aside from that, don't take my word for it of course, but your "fragmented self" you describe honestly sounds a lot like identity confusion. That could potentially cause a feeling like you are not yourself and dissociation.

You do not have to have OCD to have intrusive thoughts, obsessions, or compulsions, they can manifest from many things. You don't even have to have mental illness to have intrusive thoughts. But with my OCD, I've had intrusive thoughts regarding my sexuality. I cannot tell you that's what you have going on, though I'm only bringing it up because it sounds a little similar.

Excessive worry, guilt, ect about being LGBT is a known thing, sure, but it can absolutely cause clinical distress. For a lot if not most people, it doesn't just go away on it's own, it requires support. I hope you're able to find that..
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
I know you said you didn't come here for a diagnosis etc. but what I will say is that what you mentioned might be a possible. More importantly, do you feel in control? If you don't it's time to talk :)
 
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