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Someone please help!

L

Lindseygeorge99

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Mar 2, 2015
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Short of lazy and selfish, what do these symptoms sound like?
Husband was very loving in the beginning of relationship. Twins on the way, and no desire to get a better job. Manages a bookstore.

-introverted behavior
- video game/iPhone addict
- horrible morning person
- very selfish in terms of intimacy
- crying fits ( that seem to be used for manipulation)
- childlike behavior
- very concerned about his mothers opinion on everything
- doesn't have basic knowledge of every day things like changing a tire. And doesn't care
- does not live in reality
- angry look on face most of the time
-acts like a charming well rounded person at work and on phone
- not able to cope well


Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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It is probably more common than you think.
They say if a person ventures out of their comfort zone it is good for their character.

Is there anything you think he could do?
 
L

Lindseygeorge99

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We are moving out of state. I have a job lined up, in a place I can afford by myself if my husband cannot get a grip. I'm not able to put him first anymore because I have twin toddlers. We are not financially stable here. The uhaul is loaded, and he's coming unglued. I figure professional help will be needed to save our marriage. His behavior has become so predictable that I'm worried it cannot be changed.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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It could be as simple as finding him a good therapist. He does sound like he has unresolved issues.

Honesty and openness is important.
 
S

SandalwoodSummer

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People grow and change.

You can either support him through that or if you cant cope, leave and tell him when he's in a better place to call you and you can see how you both feel then. We all change and grow.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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I don't know that they sound like symptoms of anything. It may be he has issues, if he acknowledges these and wants to change you can support him with that, if he doesn't see a problem then it might be a question of deciding if you want to remain with him.

Have you discussed having couples therapy?
 
Kerome

Kerome

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It sounds like someone who has had a very sheltered upbringing, ended up as an introvert, who is not coping with the new situation by basically avoiding it and retreating to old childhood behaviours - the video games, the mother fixation, the retreat from reality.

I'd ask him what's really important to him, what his emotions are telling him. The anger is typical that things are not going as he'd like them to, so it's important for him to realise where his hearts desire is really pointing, and that the way to get there is by compromising with reality. He has some growing to do, but it might be possible to get him to do it more quickly than just failing and letting time pass.
 
pepecat

pepecat

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Sounds kinda like he needs to grow up a bit........ Sorry if that's harsh, but you sound like you're describing a teenager, imo.
What was his childhood like? Was he sort of protected from things and had a sheltered life, or was he encouraged to get out there and get a part time job, or see the world? Because it may well be that he's not learned to cope with 'adult' stuff (responsibility / job / money / general adult life stuff), and even though age-wise he IS an adult, he's still a kid inside, and possibly a stroppy kid who wants things his own way or other people to do things for him.

Probably the way to help is not to get mad at him. If he's had that when he was a kid, then he's just going to go into 'ignore' mode and not listen. Depends how his parents were with him really. It might be more that you have to encourage him and say 'Ok, today I need you to do' and give him one task to do (like arrange insurance, for example), or 'I need to you to look after the twins for the afternoon' or whatever.
Sounds like he needs to learn that he can do things and can cope. Whether he WANTS to or not, is another matter, and that might be something that's harder to change. Though the fact he's now married and has twins to look after and provide for might mean things have to change whether he wants them to or not.
 
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