nickh
Well-known member
Founding Member
As some people will have noticed I have been away for a few months. This was due to a bout of D.. So first I wanted to explain my vanishing act 
.
But I also wanted to get down some thoughts. Everyone's D. takes them somewhat differently as I know. But a couple of features of mine which I wanted to share and see how other people feel are...
1.) Silence. I become silent. At worst I don't talk at all; at best I am very uncommunicative. That is why I don't come on-line when I am ill. I am incapable of conversation, of speech, even if that speech is a written one. In r/l this means staying in the house utterly withdrawn. Of course I don't speak on the phone. But beyond this there is a sort of internal silence. Its hard to describe but because any thoughts I would have are at best dark (euphemism) I shut down my thinking process as far as possible.
2.) Forgetfulness. I always forget just how bloody awful a bad bout of D. is. Even now just a week or so on from recovering I am starting to forget. Of course I can remember in an abstract sort of way - what the effects where and so on. But the feelings/inner thoughts are lost. Now partly this I guess is because I wouldn't want to recapture them (and if I did I would be ill again) and partly it is a part of the healing process. But the downside is that every time - every damn time - another bad bout does come on it is a surprise and shock. Now I suppose this is true of many pains/illnesses - say toothache - we forget just how excruciating it is: but with D the problem is that it takes a real effort to remember the right coping strategies which are complicated and individual (where for toothache they are pretty standard).
Well this is mostly a meander. Another couple of months of life gone with nothing to show for it but having completed 1 and a half lengthy video games
.
Anyway apologies to all for sudden and lengthy absence - but the beauty of communities like this is that I feel it will be completely understood.
Nick.
.But I also wanted to get down some thoughts. Everyone's D. takes them somewhat differently as I know. But a couple of features of mine which I wanted to share and see how other people feel are...
1.) Silence. I become silent. At worst I don't talk at all; at best I am very uncommunicative. That is why I don't come on-line when I am ill. I am incapable of conversation, of speech, even if that speech is a written one. In r/l this means staying in the house utterly withdrawn. Of course I don't speak on the phone. But beyond this there is a sort of internal silence. Its hard to describe but because any thoughts I would have are at best dark (euphemism) I shut down my thinking process as far as possible.
2.) Forgetfulness. I always forget just how bloody awful a bad bout of D. is. Even now just a week or so on from recovering I am starting to forget. Of course I can remember in an abstract sort of way - what the effects where and so on. But the feelings/inner thoughts are lost. Now partly this I guess is because I wouldn't want to recapture them (and if I did I would be ill again) and partly it is a part of the healing process. But the downside is that every time - every damn time - another bad bout does come on it is a surprise and shock. Now I suppose this is true of many pains/illnesses - say toothache - we forget just how excruciating it is: but with D the problem is that it takes a real effort to remember the right coping strategies which are complicated and individual (where for toothache they are pretty standard).
Well this is mostly a meander. Another couple of months of life gone with nothing to show for it but having completed 1 and a half lengthy video games
.Anyway apologies to all for sudden and lengthy absence - but the beauty of communities like this is that I feel it will be completely understood.
Nick.
back.
sorry to hear you haven't been well. Very glad to see you back again 
