Some sort of personality disorder and phobia

[Sanguinis]

Hi.


I am 19yo male and over the last year or so I think I recongnise some sort of problem with myself form my various pokings about on the internet I feel a though its some sort of personality disorder. More specificaly NPD, but not in entireaty. Unlike the Typical NPD (form what I understand) I dont have a strong sense of self grandiosity. Though I deeply dispise when somone feels they have outwitted me or or thinks they are supirior in some mannor. Also I am not at all botherd at all by personal insults againts me as I feel they are idiotic and uninteligent means. I feel I have no emotional attachment to anybody including my family and freinds. If I was to upset any of them I feel no sort of remorse or are sorry in any way (for example, once when I was talking to my mother about my attitude and future I told her that I dident feel any sort of love for her, though not as bluntly as this. Im sure you whould understand for any mother this would be very upsetting though I didet feel guilty or sorry at all for doing it.) externaly I may display it but its just a way to do what I think is most socialy apropriate so as to end it. this similarly applies to when somone is upset over somone/somthing else. Where externaly I can seem to be quite understanding and helpfull for what benefit to me that I do this I dont understand. I am quite reckless with my life not Physicaly but I dont care for my future. I performed terribly in school and collage despite people telling me that I am verry inteligent. (party because of somthing I shall explain later)

In the past I have just got on with this as I felt its not woth my time trying to get help with this. But recently (not sure of any sort of trigger) I feel that im getting temptations do do quite unpleasent things to people (wont go into details) that so far ive been able to easily control. But I've never had these feelings before.

Another thing, though might well be connected and is what I was refering to earlier is a phobia. I have only today sort of recognised it. A phobia of deadlines. Initaily I though This was rediculose though from some searching I read that Leonardo Da Vinci (I feel its improtand that im not trying to draw parralels with him and myself) had this. Basicly when ever I have been set a task by somone with a Dealine ie in school, I whould imidately attach a fear with what ever that pice of work was and whould become very anxoius if i was to attempt to tackle the task. The anxiety whould be greater the close the deadline whould be. Now most whould think this was a excuse for lazyness but even if the task was somthing I'd usualy enjoy or even one of my hobbys or interests as soon as it becomes a task for a deadline the imidiate assotiation kicks in and it becomes impossible for me to do it. A perfect example is what im doing now. I am a avid collector of model based tabletop stratergy games (I wont mention brands incase I cant) I am quite good at the painting and moddeling and I have applied to work for the company that produces them, and what they have done is send me a set of models to send back to them at a cirtain date. i'm realy pushing myself to do them but I get anxious and stressfull when im doing them and will do anything to distract myself.

I appologise for my grammer and spelling, you can thank my dislexia for that, hahah!

Thanks in advance for any replies

Also if this topic is wrongly placed please inform me.

 

[quality factor]

Hi and ,
You need to discuss your feelings and observations with your GP who might refer you to a specialist or CMHT if necessary. I wouldn't necessarily depend on what you have found out on the internet.
Hope you get a satisfactory answer to your questions...Good Luck.

 

[saffron]

Hello sanguinis
we cannot diagnose but we may be able to guy, I feel your frustration and worrying over this.
Whilst I agree with Qf that you haave to be careful of where you get information from on the net. However, I am not saying that there are not some very helpful articles out there too.
this one gives a good description of PDs and even though you should not self diagnose, sometimes reading about these things can help get things clearer in your mind.
http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec07/ch105/ch105a.html

It will help to read other posts on this site to be able to cha to people going through the same thing, so welcome to the forum and hope you find it helpful.
take care
S

 

[_N_]

Anxiety/Phobia?

Hi, there i'm new to thease forums and i also think i have problems. I became quite depressed and left school in my adolescence i didn't get a job and have become reclusive, i havn't had my hair cut in months as i find social situations uncomfortable and try to avoid them. I havn't learned to take care of my aperance at all witch only makes me more socialy anxious and i am coming under pressure from my family to find work but i just can't seem to make myself do it. My fathers wife blames him for me not working and the tension in the house is only making me worse. I don't want to be a burden to my family but i can't even bring myself to see a doctor and i know my family will allways think i'm just being difficult.