S
Sanguinis
New member
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2009
- Messages
- 1
Hi.
I am 19yo male and over the last year or so I think I recongnise some sort of problem with myself form my various pokings about on the internet I feel a though its some sort of personality disorder. More specificaly NPD, but not in entireaty. Unlike the Typical NPD (form what I understand) I dont have a strong sense of self grandiosity. Though I deeply dispise when somone feels they have outwitted me or or thinks they are supirior in some mannor. Also I am not at all botherd at all by personal insults againts me as I feel they are idiotic and uninteligent means. I feel I have no emotional attachment to anybody including my family and freinds. If I was to upset any of them I feel no sort of remorse or are sorry in any way (for example, once when I was talking to my mother about my attitude and future I told her that I dident feel any sort of love for her, though not as bluntly as this. Im sure you whould understand for any mother this would be very upsetting though I didet feel guilty or sorry at all for doing it.) externaly I may display it but its just a way to do what I think is most socialy apropriate so as to end it. this similarly applies to when somone is upset over somone/somthing else. Where externaly I can seem to be quite understanding and helpfull for what benefit to me that I do this I dont understand. I am quite reckless with my life not Physicaly but I dont care for my future. I performed terribly in school and collage despite people telling me that I am verry inteligent. (party because of somthing I shall explain later)
In the past I have just got on with this as I felt its not woth my time trying to get help with this. But recently (not sure of any sort of trigger) I feel that im getting temptations do do quite unpleasent things to people (wont go into details) that so far ive been able to easily control. But I've never had these feelings before.
Another thing, though might well be connected and is what I was refering to earlier is a phobia. I have only today sort of recognised it. A phobia of deadlines. Initaily I though This was rediculose though from some searching I read that Leonardo Da Vinci (I feel its improtand that im not trying to draw parralels with him and myself) had this. Basicly when ever I have been set a task by somone with a Dealine ie in school, I whould imidately attach a fear with what ever that pice of work was and whould become very anxoius if i was to attempt to tackle the task. The anxiety whould be greater the close the deadline whould be. Now most whould think this was a excuse for lazyness but even if the task was somthing I'd usualy enjoy or even one of my hobbys or interests as soon as it becomes a task for a deadline the imidiate assotiation kicks in and it becomes impossible for me to do it. A perfect example is what im doing now. I am a avid collector of model based tabletop stratergy games (I wont mention brands incase I cant) I am quite good at the painting and moddeling and I have applied to work for the company that produces them, and what they have done is send me a set of models to send back to them at a cirtain date. i'm realy pushing myself to do them but I get anxious and stressfull when im doing them and will do anything to distract myself.
I appologise for my grammer and spelling, you can thank my dislexia for that, hahah!
Thanks in advance for any replies
Also if this topic is wrongly placed please inform me.
I am 19yo male and over the last year or so I think I recongnise some sort of problem with myself form my various pokings about on the internet I feel a though its some sort of personality disorder. More specificaly NPD, but not in entireaty. Unlike the Typical NPD (form what I understand) I dont have a strong sense of self grandiosity. Though I deeply dispise when somone feels they have outwitted me or or thinks they are supirior in some mannor. Also I am not at all botherd at all by personal insults againts me as I feel they are idiotic and uninteligent means. I feel I have no emotional attachment to anybody including my family and freinds. If I was to upset any of them I feel no sort of remorse or are sorry in any way (for example, once when I was talking to my mother about my attitude and future I told her that I dident feel any sort of love for her, though not as bluntly as this. Im sure you whould understand for any mother this would be very upsetting though I didet feel guilty or sorry at all for doing it.) externaly I may display it but its just a way to do what I think is most socialy apropriate so as to end it. this similarly applies to when somone is upset over somone/somthing else. Where externaly I can seem to be quite understanding and helpfull for what benefit to me that I do this I dont understand. I am quite reckless with my life not Physicaly but I dont care for my future. I performed terribly in school and collage despite people telling me that I am verry inteligent. (party because of somthing I shall explain later)
In the past I have just got on with this as I felt its not woth my time trying to get help with this. But recently (not sure of any sort of trigger) I feel that im getting temptations do do quite unpleasent things to people (wont go into details) that so far ive been able to easily control. But I've never had these feelings before.
Another thing, though might well be connected and is what I was refering to earlier is a phobia. I have only today sort of recognised it. A phobia of deadlines. Initaily I though This was rediculose though from some searching I read that Leonardo Da Vinci (I feel its improtand that im not trying to draw parralels with him and myself) had this. Basicly when ever I have been set a task by somone with a Dealine ie in school, I whould imidately attach a fear with what ever that pice of work was and whould become very anxoius if i was to attempt to tackle the task. The anxiety whould be greater the close the deadline whould be. Now most whould think this was a excuse for lazyness but even if the task was somthing I'd usualy enjoy or even one of my hobbys or interests as soon as it becomes a task for a deadline the imidiate assotiation kicks in and it becomes impossible for me to do it. A perfect example is what im doing now. I am a avid collector of model based tabletop stratergy games (I wont mention brands incase I cant) I am quite good at the painting and moddeling and I have applied to work for the company that produces them, and what they have done is send me a set of models to send back to them at a cirtain date. i'm realy pushing myself to do them but I get anxious and stressfull when im doing them and will do anything to distract myself.
I appologise for my grammer and spelling, you can thank my dislexia for that, hahah!
Thanks in advance for any replies
Also if this topic is wrongly placed please inform me.
,
