• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Some help/support/advice

C

CoventryJack

New member
Joined
Mar 12, 2015
Messages
2
Hi everybody, just a little bit about and my background: I'm 25 and have never been to GP and therefore never actually been diagnosed with depression but I suspect I may be suffering. Thus far I'm too scared to actually go to a doctor and tell them how I'm feeling so I'm hoping this will be the first step that will make the pluck up the courage to get help.

Basically my self-confidence is absolutely zero and it's effecting absolutely every element of my life. After finishing college last July I attepted to find a job, but I'm absolutely terrified at the prospect; I've not showed up to interviews numerious times because I think 'Why would they hire you? You're useless and even if you did get the job you'd get sacked after a few days because you're useless' and I've driven off out the car park. I do work currently but it's part-time as a cleaner for my Dad's business. It's very low pressure and easy which is the only reason I can see is why I can keep the job up. I regularly go in very hungover because I drink most nights to try and escape the situation I'm in. I try not drinking and I suffer from insomnia and can't sleep so end up going in half aspeep, it's a terrible cycle.

It's not just my work situation either. I struggle with women; for the very same reason I struggle with work, why would anybody want a total failure like me? I haven't had sex since I was 16 (high school romance). I've had one girlfriend since then and suffered irectile disfuction the first time we attempted to have sex so I stopped seeing her for fear of further failure and will never date anybody again I fear.

I go through everyday either worried, feeling guilty or just generally feeling sad or all on a very bad day. I'm starting to switch off from friends and social occasions. Most my friends I went to school with live in their partners or wives, have good jobs and good lives and when they ask me how I'm doing I just feel so worthless having to tell them I'm still working for my dad, living at home, with virtually no money and single so I aviod going out and seeing them.

I hate being looked at as a failure by others; the thought of people laughing at me terrifies me, I think because they'd be right to laugh at me. I am a failure, and I am worthless. I hate myself and what I've become, what I've made of my life. I need help :low: Suicide hasn't been a serious consideration upto yet but I often think about it.

Any advice would be nice. Thanks for taking the time to read, Jack.
 
Last edited:
C

CoventryJack

New member
Joined
Mar 12, 2015
Messages
2
Thanks for the reply Nikita, the thing that annoys me most is I know you're right with many things; I look at things irrationally and overthink things and nearly all my fears are in my mind. I'm lucky in many ways: I live in a nice house and have very little pressure put upon me compared to most. My dad is happy me living here rent free so don't face the financial pressures a lot will have to deal with and on good days that's the way I think, but on really bad days I jump into bed and cry all day and hope I don't wake up. Then I start drinking which again makes things worse because hangovers make anxiety worse. It's a difficult cycle.

Don't worry though, I often think about suicide but as I say I don't think it's a real posibility. My brother has just had a baby who lives with us who I adore, I also have had the same best friend since school who I love dearly. For nothing else I'd never hurt myself for them because I know how devistated they'd be. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

Jack.
 
Top