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some help if possible

J

jwbskewskqhwrsnkehrnew23

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2009
Messages
1
I was just hoping for some advice if that was possible on whether to acquire medical help on a matter.

For the longest time i can remember i have always had extreme emotions. I didn't have the best of childhoods but there are people who have had far worse. I remember that even at a very young age that i was completely aware of everything around me and with that awareness came a sense of paranoia with i seem to have kept with me.

There are times when i feel like nothing can faze me and i can do anything. My confidence goes through the roof and ill feel better than i have ever done. Usually i will act in a very reckless and unpredictable manner. Last year i took a bank loan out for no reason in particular, I didn't need the money at all but spent it in a few weeks just for the sake of it. And though i have no explanation for doing so, it never occurred to me at the time that it would have consequences. There are also a few instances when i have gotten myself into trouble for being overly confident and not thinking about my actions. Though the actual money issue has been resolved it still worries me that i may continue to do things that i will regret later.

I seem to go in a cycle of highs and lows. There are times when i have been suicidal and it has made as much sense to end my life as it is to eat when hungry. I often find it hard to concentrate, meaning that i miss a lot of what is going on, which conflicts with my awareness. So in effect i am completely aware, but lacking the real information to understand things, which can cause a bit of a worry for me. I just let the information go by me, and pretend a lot of the time to understand what people say and mean. I feel like i'm on the outside of the general public as i often cannot have a meaningful conversation. I get along with people fine simply because i have no other reason but to be nice to someone, due to the fact that i am not that close or cant empathise with them. Sometimes it gets me mad as i will often scrutinise the general public as wayward and a bit simple but i think this is because its easier to make judgments on other things, when really it is the general public who are 'living'. I think somewhere along the line i didn't get the necessary information that people get. I can easily pick out flaws (in my head) of people but i then get to a stage where i think, well at least they are living their lives, at least they feel really emotions, emotions that are suitable to their situation. At other times i worry about the world, and people's intentions. I feel like i don't have a soul. It is times when it gets bad where i cant stand to eat, and though i do enjoy food and have no problems with it, my weight is under for my age. I looked into food disorders and i'm quite satisfied that i don't have one, i just simply need to eat better when i get low because any other times im a very good eater who isn't picky about food, never makes myself sick and often looks forward to eating.

I have tried things such as self hypnosis, self help books, etc but never had medical advice as even though i can understand that i have some sort of problem, i will go through stages when i think that i am just being moody, and that everyone experiences these feelings but that i'm being childish in not understanding them. I am 20, so i worry that its just my age, but then i look at the people around me and i feel different, quite isolated. My usual day consists of staying in one room, alone. I have a wonderful girlfriend. She is a real person, and a very good person with a good intentions. I don't think i really give her emotional support because even though i want to, i just substitute it with pretend stuff, when really i think of her a lot. I have not spoken to her about any of it because i don't want to be embarrassed about it, i don't want to make a fuss, and i don't want her to think i'm being childish.

Sometimes i get the feeling that there is no use being around anymore because i simply don't work on the same frequency as other people. Like something important is missing in me and i cant connect. Its just the way things are i suppose, sometimes things just don't work even when they should or have no reason not to, and rather than get bothered about it, it would save a lot of hassle to just go away. I know though that these feelings will pass, and eventually ill feel like things are on the up, and that i can do anything i want, but for the time this is happening, i feel pretty low. However i know that when i am happy again, i will act like a fool for a while, and will be ashamed after.

I did look into bipolar disorder but i was worried that if i properly researched it then it might have some sort of self fulfilling prophecy, and that i was being melodramatic. But what i did see of it made sense, though i don't think my problem is as extreme.

Over time my mind seems to 'reset' and i learn everything again, i dont mean as in the basics, but i mean that everything seems new and that what was thinking before was completely wrong and i have to start again. Sometimes its happens after a couple months, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter.

I just want to be able to manage my mind in a way where i can concentrate, be involved and not go and do silly things that i will pay for afterwards. I want to have real relationships with my friends, and take care of my girlfriend. I would say that i'm technically quite intelligent, only just above average though, and so i think that if i can get things under control then i can get things together, because i know that life is what you make of it, and i have someone that i want to spend it with.

I really unsure whether to go to the doctor about it, i wouldnt know where to start to tell him, and i dont want to make a problem if its nothing, plus i dont want to do anything that will open a can of worms. I know that if it is what i suspect, which is that im being over the top, then at least i can try to sort that out and things will get a bit easier.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
I have to say that no one here can give you a diagnosis. If there was medical professionals on here then they wouldn't give you a diagnosis either. That has to be done face to face.

Researching medical problems on the internet is always a bad idea. You can actually talk yourself into having anything that you're reading about.

If you have problems such as yours your first port of call has to be your GP - they can make a referral if necessary. Print out your post and read the parts that refer to your symptoms to your GP. That way you say what you need to say but you won't miss anything out.

Keep coming back and let us know how things are. You will get support from the people on here.
 
I

iheartpandas20

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2009
Messages
8
Location
Aberdeen
hey

hey, i can see why youve posted in the personality disorders section. many things you have said do seem like a symptom of a personality disorder. As was said previously, no-one can diagnose you online. About the gp issue, if there is something to do with your mental health that is negatively affecting your life then its worthy of being listened to, especially by a gp! What your saying does not sound 'silly' or unworthy of attention, so dont be scared of 'wasting a gp's time' or 'making a fuss of nothing'

(this thought has made me not see a doctor so many times when i should have!)

good luck!

panda
 
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