J
jwbskewskqhwrsnkehrnew23
New member
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2009
- Messages
- 1
I was just hoping for some advice if that was possible on whether to acquire medical help on a matter.
For the longest time i can remember i have always had extreme emotions. I didn't have the best of childhoods but there are people who have had far worse. I remember that even at a very young age that i was completely aware of everything around me and with that awareness came a sense of paranoia with i seem to have kept with me.
There are times when i feel like nothing can faze me and i can do anything. My confidence goes through the roof and ill feel better than i have ever done. Usually i will act in a very reckless and unpredictable manner. Last year i took a bank loan out for no reason in particular, I didn't need the money at all but spent it in a few weeks just for the sake of it. And though i have no explanation for doing so, it never occurred to me at the time that it would have consequences. There are also a few instances when i have gotten myself into trouble for being overly confident and not thinking about my actions. Though the actual money issue has been resolved it still worries me that i may continue to do things that i will regret later.
I seem to go in a cycle of highs and lows. There are times when i have been suicidal and it has made as much sense to end my life as it is to eat when hungry. I often find it hard to concentrate, meaning that i miss a lot of what is going on, which conflicts with my awareness. So in effect i am completely aware, but lacking the real information to understand things, which can cause a bit of a worry for me. I just let the information go by me, and pretend a lot of the time to understand what people say and mean. I feel like i'm on the outside of the general public as i often cannot have a meaningful conversation. I get along with people fine simply because i have no other reason but to be nice to someone, due to the fact that i am not that close or cant empathise with them. Sometimes it gets me mad as i will often scrutinise the general public as wayward and a bit simple but i think this is because its easier to make judgments on other things, when really it is the general public who are 'living'. I think somewhere along the line i didn't get the necessary information that people get. I can easily pick out flaws (in my head) of people but i then get to a stage where i think, well at least they are living their lives, at least they feel really emotions, emotions that are suitable to their situation. At other times i worry about the world, and people's intentions. I feel like i don't have a soul. It is times when it gets bad where i cant stand to eat, and though i do enjoy food and have no problems with it, my weight is under for my age. I looked into food disorders and i'm quite satisfied that i don't have one, i just simply need to eat better when i get low because any other times im a very good eater who isn't picky about food, never makes myself sick and often looks forward to eating.
I have tried things such as self hypnosis, self help books, etc but never had medical advice as even though i can understand that i have some sort of problem, i will go through stages when i think that i am just being moody, and that everyone experiences these feelings but that i'm being childish in not understanding them. I am 20, so i worry that its just my age, but then i look at the people around me and i feel different, quite isolated. My usual day consists of staying in one room, alone. I have a wonderful girlfriend. She is a real person, and a very good person with a good intentions. I don't think i really give her emotional support because even though i want to, i just substitute it with pretend stuff, when really i think of her a lot. I have not spoken to her about any of it because i don't want to be embarrassed about it, i don't want to make a fuss, and i don't want her to think i'm being childish.
Sometimes i get the feeling that there is no use being around anymore because i simply don't work on the same frequency as other people. Like something important is missing in me and i cant connect. Its just the way things are i suppose, sometimes things just don't work even when they should or have no reason not to, and rather than get bothered about it, it would save a lot of hassle to just go away. I know though that these feelings will pass, and eventually ill feel like things are on the up, and that i can do anything i want, but for the time this is happening, i feel pretty low. However i know that when i am happy again, i will act like a fool for a while, and will be ashamed after.
I did look into bipolar disorder but i was worried that if i properly researched it then it might have some sort of self fulfilling prophecy, and that i was being melodramatic. But what i did see of it made sense, though i don't think my problem is as extreme.
Over time my mind seems to 'reset' and i learn everything again, i dont mean as in the basics, but i mean that everything seems new and that what was thinking before was completely wrong and i have to start again. Sometimes its happens after a couple months, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter.
I just want to be able to manage my mind in a way where i can concentrate, be involved and not go and do silly things that i will pay for afterwards. I want to have real relationships with my friends, and take care of my girlfriend. I would say that i'm technically quite intelligent, only just above average though, and so i think that if i can get things under control then i can get things together, because i know that life is what you make of it, and i have someone that i want to spend it with.
I really unsure whether to go to the doctor about it, i wouldnt know where to start to tell him, and i dont want to make a problem if its nothing, plus i dont want to do anything that will open a can of worms. I know that if it is what i suspect, which is that im being over the top, then at least i can try to sort that out and things will get a bit easier.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.
For the longest time i can remember i have always had extreme emotions. I didn't have the best of childhoods but there are people who have had far worse. I remember that even at a very young age that i was completely aware of everything around me and with that awareness came a sense of paranoia with i seem to have kept with me.
There are times when i feel like nothing can faze me and i can do anything. My confidence goes through the roof and ill feel better than i have ever done. Usually i will act in a very reckless and unpredictable manner. Last year i took a bank loan out for no reason in particular, I didn't need the money at all but spent it in a few weeks just for the sake of it. And though i have no explanation for doing so, it never occurred to me at the time that it would have consequences. There are also a few instances when i have gotten myself into trouble for being overly confident and not thinking about my actions. Though the actual money issue has been resolved it still worries me that i may continue to do things that i will regret later.
I seem to go in a cycle of highs and lows. There are times when i have been suicidal and it has made as much sense to end my life as it is to eat when hungry. I often find it hard to concentrate, meaning that i miss a lot of what is going on, which conflicts with my awareness. So in effect i am completely aware, but lacking the real information to understand things, which can cause a bit of a worry for me. I just let the information go by me, and pretend a lot of the time to understand what people say and mean. I feel like i'm on the outside of the general public as i often cannot have a meaningful conversation. I get along with people fine simply because i have no other reason but to be nice to someone, due to the fact that i am not that close or cant empathise with them. Sometimes it gets me mad as i will often scrutinise the general public as wayward and a bit simple but i think this is because its easier to make judgments on other things, when really it is the general public who are 'living'. I think somewhere along the line i didn't get the necessary information that people get. I can easily pick out flaws (in my head) of people but i then get to a stage where i think, well at least they are living their lives, at least they feel really emotions, emotions that are suitable to their situation. At other times i worry about the world, and people's intentions. I feel like i don't have a soul. It is times when it gets bad where i cant stand to eat, and though i do enjoy food and have no problems with it, my weight is under for my age. I looked into food disorders and i'm quite satisfied that i don't have one, i just simply need to eat better when i get low because any other times im a very good eater who isn't picky about food, never makes myself sick and often looks forward to eating.
I have tried things such as self hypnosis, self help books, etc but never had medical advice as even though i can understand that i have some sort of problem, i will go through stages when i think that i am just being moody, and that everyone experiences these feelings but that i'm being childish in not understanding them. I am 20, so i worry that its just my age, but then i look at the people around me and i feel different, quite isolated. My usual day consists of staying in one room, alone. I have a wonderful girlfriend. She is a real person, and a very good person with a good intentions. I don't think i really give her emotional support because even though i want to, i just substitute it with pretend stuff, when really i think of her a lot. I have not spoken to her about any of it because i don't want to be embarrassed about it, i don't want to make a fuss, and i don't want her to think i'm being childish.
Sometimes i get the feeling that there is no use being around anymore because i simply don't work on the same frequency as other people. Like something important is missing in me and i cant connect. Its just the way things are i suppose, sometimes things just don't work even when they should or have no reason not to, and rather than get bothered about it, it would save a lot of hassle to just go away. I know though that these feelings will pass, and eventually ill feel like things are on the up, and that i can do anything i want, but for the time this is happening, i feel pretty low. However i know that when i am happy again, i will act like a fool for a while, and will be ashamed after.
I did look into bipolar disorder but i was worried that if i properly researched it then it might have some sort of self fulfilling prophecy, and that i was being melodramatic. But what i did see of it made sense, though i don't think my problem is as extreme.
Over time my mind seems to 'reset' and i learn everything again, i dont mean as in the basics, but i mean that everything seems new and that what was thinking before was completely wrong and i have to start again. Sometimes its happens after a couple months, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter.
I just want to be able to manage my mind in a way where i can concentrate, be involved and not go and do silly things that i will pay for afterwards. I want to have real relationships with my friends, and take care of my girlfriend. I would say that i'm technically quite intelligent, only just above average though, and so i think that if i can get things under control then i can get things together, because i know that life is what you make of it, and i have someone that i want to spend it with.
I really unsure whether to go to the doctor about it, i wouldnt know where to start to tell him, and i dont want to make a problem if its nothing, plus i dont want to do anything that will open a can of worms. I know that if it is what i suspect, which is that im being over the top, then at least i can try to sort that out and things will get a bit easier.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.