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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Some good advice please

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Keephope

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Have been with an amazing woman now for 8 months and we get on great.

But

The problem is her family to me are so unwelcoming there are not nice people my partner is stuck right in the middle as she said there is never any reasoning with them, they seem to want her on her own not with me. I have really tried with them to make a effort.

All this is making my anxiety flare up and I don't have anyone to speak to 😒
 
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bpd2020

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I have dated people with toxic families. I think what helped was me never seeing them and the partner visiting them separately. I do not see why you should have to see people who do not treat you with respect.
 
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Keephope

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Can you avoid them mostly?
Luckily for me we live about 40 mins away its just im a decent person from a decent family and we always make people welcome, although I don't particularly likes them it hurts me tbh
 
K

Keephope

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I have dated people with toxic families. I think what helped was me never seeing them and the partner visiting them separately. I do not see why you should have to see people who do not treat you with respect.
Thank you, nice to know I'm not the only one! I would gladly never see them again but I know that its my partner who hurts as she just wants us all to get on! And she has young neices. Some people are just horrible!
 
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bpd2020

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Thank you, nice to know I'm not the only one! I would gladly never see them again but I know that its my partner who hurts as she just wants us all to get on! And she has young neices. Some people are just horrible!
I can understand your partner wants you to all get on but if it is not possible maybe it is better to accept that. Yes, 2 of my exs families hated me and made that very clear. It is a horrible situation you are in.
 
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Keephope

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I can understand your partner wants you to all get on but if it is not possible maybe it is better to accept that. Yes, 2 of my exs families hated me and made that very clear. It is a horrible situation you are in.
I would love to know what i have done so wrong then again I wouldn't say its personal with the reality. My partner was there a drop of a hat to baby sit now to be with me she's 40 mins away 🤔
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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@Keephope: The chances are this is nothing to do with you personally. My mother made a point of despising all my boyfriends because they threatened her position as family bully. You are a source of strength and independent support to your partner - that means her family can't manipulate or 'own' her in the same way.

There's no reason for you to tolerate awkward social situations with them. Let your partner visit them on her own and focus on your relationship. x
 
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bpd2020

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I would love to know what i have done so wrong then again I wouldn't say its personal with the reality. My partner was there a drop of a hat to baby sit now to be with me she's 40 mins away 🤔
You have not done anything wrong. They are horrible people who have no respect. It is horrible for you but not having any contact with them will be much easier then forcing yourself to be with people who are rude.
 
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Keephope

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@Keephope: The chances are this is nothing to do with you personally. My mother made a point of despising all my boyfriends because they threatened her position as family bully. You are a source of strength and independent support to your partner - that means her family can't manipulate or 'own' her in the same way.

There's no reason for you to tolerate awkward social situations with them. Let your partner visit them on her own and focus on your relationship. x
Omg you are spot on! If you look at my last reply you will see how accurate you are!

Some people are terrible i just have to play things carefully as I don't want to see my girlfriend suffer!
 
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Keephope

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You have not done anything wrong. They are horrible people who have no respect. It is horrible for you but not having any contact with them will be much easier then forcing yourself to be with people who are rude.
Yes I agree but at the same time I would like to be strong enough to let it go over my head and visit now and then for my partners sake not mine I would gladly never see them again! Thank you for you lovely messages
 
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bpd2020

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Yes I agree but at the same time I would like to be strong enough to let it go over my head and visit now and then for my partners sake not mine I would gladly never see them again! Thank you for you lovely messages
I do not think you feeling this way is because you are not strong. Why should you put up with rudeness? Maybe you have more self worth as you will not allow them to treat you badly. When I was with my ex, his family were rude to my face. I allowed that to happen as I was used to being treated that way. I like that you do not allow that to happen to you.
 
Lunar Lady

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Yes I agree but at the same time I would like to be strong enough to let it go over my head and visit now and then for my partners sake not mine I would gladly never see them again! Thank you for you lovely messages
I kept my partners away from home and it made my life far less stressful. Without seeing my partners, there was nothing that could be brought up about them - I didn't have to defend their every word or gesture and my family had no ammunition to fire...you can't actively hate or nit-pick at what you don't see. x
 
Tawny

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I have relatives who have husbands or wives i don't like much, they smoke constantly, swear, are rude to me, and i just ignore them. I wish i could see just my relative and not the partner.

I don't see why a 'couple' should come as a pair.

Do i have to have my friend's husband in my life? I try to avoid that but it isn't easy.

My dad's wife has always been very critical of me, always telling me what i am doing wrong, especially to my dad who is a grown man, and so i want to see him and not her.

We all want everything to be peaceful and everyone to get on but it is not reality for many of us. It causes me stress to have to spend time with some of these people so i just don't bother with either of them usually.

Sorry, not helpful, but an insight into how other people cope.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Have been with an amazing woman now for 8 months and we get on great.

But

The problem is her family to me are so unwelcoming there are not nice people my partner is stuck right in the middle as she said there is never any reasoning with them, they seem to want her on her own not with me. I have really tried with them to make a effort.

All this is making my anxiety flare up and I don't have anyone to speak to 😒
I am guessing it's their house, and wouldn't it be nice to be invited and to feel welcomed once in a while :) I wonder if your girlfriend can breathe a bit of positivity into her family members on your behalf (by sharing with them all of your finer qualities), while you sit it out for a bit. It might help with your anxiety too :)
 
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