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some days i require more attention

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beautywithin

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Some days i require more attention or is it a build up of not receiving the attention i want from my partner unconsciously it then feels like all of a sudden i require it. My partner like to play video games and games on her phone etc. i just feel and see every evening she's gaming till like 10, the other night i said oh are we watching a film as it was 9pm, which was her idea earlier on in the day. I was looking forward to it as it had been a while. She said she wanted another few games to unlock something and she had forgot all about watching a film so i said ok and if you dont fancy a film its ok. well 45 min later i go upstairs to settle to watch film she implied twice i bore her said it jokingly. She was on and off her film and only cuddled into me half way through the film and fell asleep. But gives me attention when she wants sex, may be im reading to much into it x
 
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beautywithin

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sounds pretty toxic if you ask me
Toxic from me or my partner, its confusing because then for a day or so shes fully attentive and then days of nothing much at all.
 
HLon99

HLon99

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The only attention that you need is from youself. Love and respect yourself. Desire is toxic because no matter how much you want you will always want more. Think about what you need, rather than what you want. And what you need is a partner who is supportive and loving. Face this issue with a cool head, when the dust settles. And then when you feel calm, speak to your partner, not in a demanding but strong tone of voice, about the expectations that you have of her. Relationships are a game of give and take those who take more than they give or give more than they take are unbalanced and are prone to fail. If she doesn't understand this, then perhaps this thing has run its course.
 
stygianiron222

stygianiron222

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Toxic from me or my partner, its confusing because then for a day or so shes fully attentive and then days of nothing much at all.
toxic from her, sound like she only cares about sex and not you actual personality, thoughts and feelings
 
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WhySoSerious

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I think terms like "toxic" can be mighty unhelpful. Lets think about this behaviourally...

What is it that you need from her that you aren't getting at the moment?

What does she need from you to be more attentive?

Have you been specific about what you feel when she does this stuff? Are you mind-reading or assuming she knows what is going on in your mind?

I am wondering why you said it was "okay" when it doesn't seem it was? If you say its okay she may assume you are being honest and not all that bothered. I don't think we could then blame her for not being aware...

In short, what do you both want and what are you willing to compromise and/or negotiate on? If you aren't getting what you need then is the relationship the right fit for you? I had a similar experience with an ex boyfriend of mine. He would spend hours playing games whilst I sat on my own watching DVDs. I'd cry, throw strops, threaten to leave, come back and repeat and guess what? I didn't tell him once WHY it bothered me. I assumed that he would instinctively know and most people really aren't all that self-aware. I ended it with him after about a year as I realised his games meant more to him than I did and that wasn't okay for me.

PS. Surely we all need attention sometimes! That's human I'd say.
 
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