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Some advice please

megirl

megirl

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I have been feeling so low at the moment its really getting to me and overwhelming me major time! Anyway, I saw my support worker yesterday and broke down crying I told her I was so fed up with feeling this way. Told her theres just no point to anything anymore.
Then I even told her maybe I need to come to terms with the fact this is the way my life is going to always be? Maybe I need to accept this and move on forget about my "ideal" lack of depression.
I also then got angry telling her that Cecilia (the Doc) doesnt care at all about me. I believe this is true Cecilia kept telling me to 'keep taking the mirtazipine' ( I was on it for nine long weeks) Because of the side effects: extreme fatigue I could barely walk half a kilometer, driving was hazardous as I wanted to go to sleep at the wheel!! (I normally walk up to 6 km's a day when well) She didnt seem to care at all. While on mirtazipine I also overdosed (a cry for help saying I am getting worse) yet she still didnt care she refused to see me despite my support worker making an appointment, (what a bitch). It was making me have the urge to throw up my food all the time!! I have not done that since stopping it which is one good thing.
Nevermind I get to see her on Thursday I wasnt going to go but I guess she needs to know how pissed off I am or will she just think I am manic?? who knows?
Do you think I did the right thing spilling the beans. Or am I just over-reacting. If I tell Cecilia how I feel she might get pissed off and tell me to piss off. What to do? Should I or should I not 'have it out with her?'
 
L

LilMissLost

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Hiya MeGirl :)

Im so sorry to hear you feel so low at the moment, is mirtazipine an antidepressant, iv only just been diagnosed but i know when i went on just antidepressants i felt considerably worse, had already been on fluoxetine for 3 weeks then she switched me to sertraline and i had to stay on that for another few weeks which i wasnt happy about as like you i could tell i felt worse, when she increased them to 3 a day i went manic immediately but luckily had an appointment with a psychologist so he changed me onto a mood stabiliser and antipsychotic, i couldnt drive after 3 days of taking the antipsychotic and had awful side effects, back on just the mood stabiliser and diazepam at the mo but they arent doing alot to be honest, except for helping me sleep a bit but at least im not craving getting ridiculously drunk now. I think you are right to be totally honest with everyone including your doctor as it is the only way you will get your medication right, (as hard as it is) try to stay calm when you speak to her, i pretty much broke down in there and found she had bugger all sympathy for me, lately if i feel bad then someone is gonna bloody help! i see my main new doctor and for most things she is quite good but have also had to see other doctors when she hasnt been there and they have been quite helpful too, i told one of them about the awful out of hours treatment and he listened to me and put me back on the mood stabilisers and diazepam which they had yanked me off of causing another "high" which i knew was going to happen, (i told them it was the antipsychotic not the mood stabiliser and i needed more diazepam which they couldnt prescribe) had a good few days of being sooo drunk and not sleeping and now im not sure what i feel, i think you did the right thing because its obviously concerning you! I wouldnt have it out with her as such but yes say you arent happy with the way things are going and try to get your point across if not is there a possibility you can change doctors?? All the best and let us know how you get on :) xx
 
megirl

megirl

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I only have the choice of one other psych in a 200km radius and Cecilia is the better option. So I guess I need to be calm and matter of fact but not lose my cool and start swearing (like I did to my support worker) Yes mirtazipine is an antidepressent. I am also on venlafaxine (antidepressent), Quetiapine&risperidone -both antipsychotics, and epilim (mood stabiliser)
Is there any point me saying "I felt you werent concerned when..."
 
W

warriorprincess

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I think it can't hurt to be honest but it's one of those things you'll have to use all your power to do it constructively, especially if ultimately she's the best one you can see.

i'm guessing what you want out of this is to feel more listened to - can you maybe drop it in that you feel you're not getting all the support that you need at the moment it's a tougher time than usual etc, can they agree to see you more regularly for the time being? that is me being nice to the docs for once, usually i feel the same as you that they just don't care enough, but I've just seen it from the point that if you don't tell them they can't change how they help you.

if possible ask for a crisis team to monitor you for a while? It's not at all bad, i've just been handed over from them yesterday and sorry to see them go to be honest, they have really helped bring me through these last few weeks - not anything they particularly did, but just knowing i had their support when i needed it. it's so crap cuz sometimes the last thing you wana do is help yourself by reaching out, but i found they were good with calling me regularly. whereas in the past when i've gone through these extreme times, i've maybe seen one person and in waiting to get further help, i've slipped off their radar and into my fun and games, and then i think all's fine and dandy, til it all starts up again.
I think now i have my daughter i haven't been able to do my usual - drugs, sex, spending, so thank god for the crisis team as i felt like i was gonna break most days for the past few weeks not releasing it all in my usual foolish but fun ways. Bloody hell i have to be so responsible and that's an extra strain in itself!
Anyway, hope some of this helps sorry if some of it's come across as me venting... bloody ramblers eh xxx
 
megirl

megirl

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Thanks warriorprincess. I am crying and shaking while writing this. Thats it in a nutshell I feel as if I am falling deeper and deeper into this big hole and there is noone to help me that the mental health team have kind of 'given up' on me. 9 months ago when I first went under their care they were very proactive but now I feel as if I have used enough resources still not getting better so they have decided to give me the flick. Hey, thanks for the great advice:hug:
 
megirl

megirl

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:confused:?? Oh shit, I have gone and cancelled my appointment with the psychiatrist. I have decided that I am going to do this on my own, that to avoid furthur disappointment in the mental health team I will not rely on them anymore. That somehow I need to come to terms with this and deal to it my way the only way, then if I fail I only have myself to blame noone else. Life has always been hard for me why expect it to be any different, Expect nothing and you avoid disappointment.
 
Rosepoet

Rosepoet

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Hi ya

Hiya i am sorry to hear about your problems with support. I am thinking of asking dos help but its scary relying on others. They will let you down. But you may find some who wont. I know its hard. But dont take it personally. feeling unwell makes you more sensitive no other person knows how you feel inside. I know the way i feel is like i am on the moon. I feel real distant. If you cry it can be good to release.
 
W

warriorprincess

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i totally empathise with you megirl, that's what i've done in the past about 10 times when i started seeking help. I've got a question and i'm not saying this patronising at all - i just re read it and thought it may have been misconstrued, so now hopefully it won't.... - how do you think you will help yourself this time? I don't think it's impossible, but i know when i've felt like that i've ended on drugs, shoplifting, holidays in crazy places, etc way in over my head.... I'm not doubting you can do it cuz anyone can do anything they put their mind too, but i know i've always faltered at some point and each time it's gets worse.

And now because i never got the help i needed in the past it's cost me my relationship with my daughter's father for the last month (working on it, but it's a stress i could do without), and now i have another on the way by him and he should be here supporting me but i've pushed him away. And all because i never got treated before when i should have. Ok so there are various reasons for why i didn't get the help - mental health professionals cock ups, and then mostly me getting pissed off with their cockups and thinking, hey you know what i do a better job than them, therefore i can do it on my own!! But right now today, I'm seeing that i haven't done it on my own, and now there's so much more to it all than all those years ago.

just to let you know my thoughts on that. Like i say i don't think it's impossible to help yourself but if you know how you are gonna do this please come on here and discuss it and hopefully it will help you some more...

I hope whatever happens you are loads happier really soon, please keep messaging on here, i hope i haven't pissed you off with what i've said i really don't mean it in a negative way, hugs better babe xxx
 
megirl

megirl

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Thanks guys, and no warriorprincess you havent pissed me off at all. Good question really. I cant do this on my own but I cant carry on feeling as depressed as I am theres no enjoyment in anything anymore. I am going to hopefully become manic soon due to lack of sleep its that or carry on feeling depressed I have two options depression or well hypomania I choose the latter and hope my thoughts dont get too out of control. I kinow it sounds crazy (and is crazy and likely to fail) but I am desperate to get a break from this brain numbing depression its killing me and I have already been told that my psych would be reluctant to try any further antidepressants on me (Its really only the trycyclics I havent tried but she wont give me them due to the fact I overdose frequently) . So my options are limited as I see it. And no I am not going back to the Doc not after what I said about her.
 
S

shell

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Thanks warriorprincess. I am crying and shaking while writing this. Thats it in a nutshell I feel as if I am falling deeper and deeper into this big hole and there is noone to help me that the mental health team have kind of 'given up' on me. 9 months ago when I first went under their care they were very proactive but now I feel as if I have used enough resources still not getting better so they have decided to give me the flick. Hey, thanks for the great advice:hug:
Is there anyway Karl could go with you and explain how you have been ? Just a thought, My hubby sometimes comes to appointments and it helps having him there, sometimes they listen more . I really hope you feel better soon. Big hugs :hug:
 
megirl

megirl

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Karl has been with me before but I cant go back not unless I really fail which I hope I dont. However if I dont get sleep soon I think Karl will be ringing the crisis team himself then I will have them to deal with. My sleep is getting less and less since they decreased my quetiapine :mad:
I do have a bit more energy today though which is encouraging seem its only 6.30am
 
megirl

megirl

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Yesterday was a really good day I was euphoric !!! (y) due to zero sleep :LOL: everything looked so bright and I had so much energy God I miss that so much, I never ever want to feel depressed again. Today I feel overwhelmed again shaky, and anxious++ cos I know I have to sleep tonight for work tomorrow and the depressions going to be the same :scared:
 
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