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Some advice please - he hears voices

J

Jamatine

Member
Joined
Mar 25, 2015
Messages
5
Good morning,

I hope everyone is doing well. I have read many posts and I am trying to understand. My BF hears voices, bad ones, I believe he needs counseling, his theory of what is happening is much different than mine. What I cannot understand is that I have shown him nothing but love, taken him from living from one friend to the next or no where, given him a home.

I work full time, he takes care of things around the house. Everything he has asked for, within my means he gets. I came home in a rotten mood yesterday, did not start a fight just was not my bubbly self, and things got bad fairly quickly. The voices became loud and I do not think they went away for him at all. He said that my mood put him in a mood. It was bizarre, he starting packing his things, saying terrible things about us and about himself. I apologized I don't know how many times. But I didn't do anything wrong, that's the part that gets me.

My mom said that if I want to stay in this relationship I have to look at it like I'm the parent and he is the child. I should have hidden how I felt because he waited all day for me to come home. Okay I agree somewhat, but I do suffer from depression and anxiety as well. I have migraines, but I am the one with the job so we can have a home and eat. Am I not allowed to express myself around someone who is ill but refuses treatment? Am I suppose to act like a "stepford" wife everyday? I just do not know how to help him or if I can. I know I love him and cannot imagine throwing him out to the streets, but part of me is so unsure.

Sorry for the long post. I am lost .... I see my symptoms increasing each day, the panic attack I thought might happen yesterday may happen today. Im just trying to breathe.

Thank you!
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Sep 12, 2013
Messages
2,423
Hi,

I've been where you are and I really get how you are feeling. My partner suffers episodes of psychosis which until 18 months ago were undiagnosed. He doesn't relate to hearing voices but when he has been very unwell he has told me that he can hear peoples thoughts, I have also seen him react to things that no one else hears.

Has your boyfriend got a diagnosis and is he supported by a mental health team? Does he recognise what is happening to himor does he think there is nothing wrong? When my partner was unwell he had no insight into it, he was living an an alternate reality but to him everything that he belived to be happening was very real. If your partner is hearing voices which are causing distress then I suspect he needs more than just councelling, is he willing to discuss this with his GP.

I have found too that when I've had a bad day or am really tired, that has been when my partners symptoms have flared up. I'm not sure if this is in response to my state or if I'm just not as resilient to cope when tired or stressed and don't respond as supportively as I otherwise might. I think its probably s combination. At the end of the day we are all human, we all have bad days and you won't always be able to be positive about everything. Everything I'm reading we've been there too, your not alone!

I would disagree with what your Mum has said about the parent role. I found that over the years I took on a more and more supportive role for my partner without even realising it. It wasn't until I'd reached breaking point that I looked back and realised that this wasn't healthy for either of us and infact caused problems in our relationship with resentment on both sides and also with making him reliant on me so that he stopped looking after himself. When he was really ill we lived seperately for 6 months and I had to ask myself some very hard questions about what I wanted for my future. What I want is an equal relationship with an adult. I realised that I needed for him to take responsibility for msnaging his health too. I am happy to give support, but he is an adult and needs to be treated as one, for his own self respect as much as for my sanity. I went back into our relationship with a clear expectation of what each of us would provide as equals and our relationship is infinately better. The other thing that is really important is to make time to do things for yourself and to look after your mental health, remember if you go under you arn't going to be able to support him.

Another thing is to make sure you are safe if you ever feel in danger then get out and call the police. I hope you never need to but the police have a role to intervene if he becomes a danger to himself or others. I have had to getvthem involved to take my partner to hospital on a number of occasions. Anothervthing to be aware of is that in an emergency you can take him to your accident and emergency units for assessment. There may also be a crisis team in your area you can call directly the number will probaby be online or should be available through your hospital switchboard. I wish I'd known these things early on.

you say that he refuses treatment, that is tricky because unless he is a danger to himself or others without his consent there is nothing anyone can do and if he doesn't realise there is a problem then he won't see a reason to seek help.

Big hugs to you and feel free to vent your frustrations here.
 
J

Jamatine

Member
Joined
Mar 25, 2015
Messages
5
Cazcat,

Thank you so much! You obviously understand better than I imagined. After I posted this during the day, when I went home, things got worse, so much worse. He had been drinking all day, could barely make out what he was saying and then he began calling me names, yelling at me, then it got physical. I managed to get him out. He needs help but refuses to seek it. He feels the voices are an implant and he is going to pay those people back. I hate the way this ended but this isn't the first time, I see each one of these episodes getting worse and scarier. I am lucky I got away the other night with just a few bruises, my phone crushed and a broken heart. I thought for a moment this is it. He is much bigger than me and it was very hard getting away from him. I will pray everyday for him. I tried to do everything I could, but I couldn't fix him. Thanks you for replying as I felt at least not alone this morning! I will also pray for you and your BF as well.

Hugs!
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Sep 12, 2013
Messages
2,423
Hi Jamatine,

I'm sorry to hear things have got so bad. I'm glad that you are ok, keep yourself safe.

It sounds like your boyfriend is very unwell at the moment. The alcohol won't be helping and if he takes other substances that is likely to make things worse too.

I would advise you to speak to his Dr about what is going on it sounds like he lacks insight into how unwell he is and he is becoming violent towards you. They may be able to intervene if his behaviour is becoming a danger. If another crisis occurs where you feel in danger call the police and explain what has been going on, they can insist on him having a psychiatric assessment in an emergency situation. You can also call an out of hours Dr and explain the situation. If they feel it necessary they will also be able to insist on an assessment with police prescence if necessary.

I know it sounds harsh to call the police on him, but I have had to do this and if thats what it takes to keep you safe and to get him the help he needs its worth it, and its not as bad as it sounds. It sounds like he is very unlikely to seek help on his own. It is also the advice the mental health team have given me on dealing with a crisis.

If you are in the UK you can get an emergency Dr by calling 111.

Also if you are in the UK if you have lived with him for 6months or more under mental health law you may be considered his nearest relative. This means that you can apply to the court for sectioning under the mental health act although personally I would always want it to be a mental health professional who did this. It also gives you a similar position to next of kin when dealing with the mental health teams.

I hope this is helpful, most importantly stay safe x
 
C

Ceegee1

Member
Joined
Apr 2, 2015
Messages
5
I am so sorry to see your BF do this.
My mother was like this all my life.
We can't choose our mothers but we can choose our BF's.
I'm worried about your personal safety.
 
FriendsAreFriends

FriendsAreFriends

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2015
Messages
59
Location
Norway
Voices are not realy voices. Sometime they are real voises from the surroundings. We all have a dialog with our self in our mind. In stressfull periods this inner thoughts become stronger in an attempt to rationally cope. Some people then turns to talk with their self in second form. For instanse "You are not well now" in stead of "I"..."I am not well now." Talking to yourself in second person form can be tiering, and in very stressfull situations it can escalate to a wrong idea that there is another person talking to you. This phenomena accours with a little vounrable persons. And can lead to psycosis and dissalutions (confution). A good advise is to stay calm, rest much and try to sleep some. The whole problem most often originate in lack of sleep. Medication can help - seductive/relaxing medication. It is not at all dangerous - so talking to yourself in first form "I" will solve the problem. "Voises in my head" are in fact your own thoughts in a vounrable sleepdeprivated state. Theese things I have learned from my own experiance. If it escalates into dissolution and psychosis (=full blown confution) contact hospital or mental educated people at once.

Good luck, it most often is resolved.

Kenneth.
 
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