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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Soldier in need of help



New member
Feb 26, 2010
never thought that I would be in this situation where I have to get online to ask this…. But…. Well here I am.

Im 21 years old, US ARMY and im in Iraq for the second time. After my last time in iraqI started dating a woman, let’s call her Nina.
When I met Nina we had some of the best times in our life, for months, I was so happy. until I found out everything that she had told me was a lie. I found out she was married. After I packed up and left she pulled the whole I was confused bit. She told me that she was putting in the devoice work. come to find out she lied about that too. After a few weeks of back and forth of her telling me she left him and then i find out diffrently. I left and she showed up at my door a few weeks later with the devoice papers in hand.

Well I took her back…. Big mistake. The lies even about the most pointless things in the world continued, and got worse. And it pushed me so far away that I left her again. And she didn’t seem to care until I started talking with another woman. She came to me tearful and begging me to came back And damnit I love her and I went back. And the lies did get better…. She did cut it almost to a complete halt. But…. With now her divorced and she knows that the 1 more lie and I’m out the door, that’s when the mental abuse started. well….. it got worse, Now im very patent when I comes to this kind of thing but it once again pushed me past my mark. And I left again…

Once again she didn’t seem to care until she found out I was with another woman. She begs a pleads that she is going to change. And I do love her….. but I don’t know if I can handle the stress of her any more. And to be honest I feel like I lost my chance with much better girls for choosing her.

And on top of this during the cores of our year long relationship she has had 2 acts of infidelity, and talking to hubby behind my back until I put a stop to that. I guess you could say that I was unfaithful also with the two girls that I was with when I left her.

Now I will give a little background on her. I do know that one of her ex’s was extremely abusive. Physically and mentally. I know that her parents were not the best in the world and I that lil radar in my head thinks a history of sexual abuse also. That’s one part of why I have kept working with her. I have never even yelled at this girl, and the only time she has ever seen me violent is when someone almost hit my new truck .

I do know that she has the capacity in her to change, ive seen it with my own eyes. But with me now in a warzone, the stress is more of a burden than before. I can’t trust her, I worry about what she tells me. I also worry about what she does while I’m away. I have a very strong hunch the she has cheated on me again.

What am I to do…… do I try and work with her at the risk of my sanity, or just let this one go?

I can give a little background on myself. I grew up with an alkey of a mother, and all my father figures have been drug dealers. I left that lifestyle in search of something better. At age 15 I left and lived on the streets for a bit, and then finally got taken into the child services and wound up with an outstanding foster family. That pushed me over the limit in search of something better.

I took my ged at age 16 and passed with a 3600 and was offered a scholarship for one year. I wound up joining the army at 18 for the money to continue school. I did have a little difficulty adjusting to the lifestyle at first. ( the wake up the most ). But currently as Im writing this my sergeants talk nothing but praise of me. I also here from friends, and my superiors on how resoundingly resilient I am. There is not much that can get me down I always seem to find the bright side of things no matter how bad they are.


Well-known member
Feb 10, 2010
United Kingdom

I don't mean to upset you, but I think its not you who has a problem, you obviously have a positive self image from the way you describe yourself.

This forum is not for counselling on relationships, though I can see why you thought it might be useful to ask for help.

Only you can make the choices that you need to make on this one. If your so resiliant, then maybe you know the answer already???


Well-known member
Jul 16, 2009
Sounds like she has problems ....unless you want to end up repeating what your own parents did....dump her and find someone that appreciates and respects you.
You are off defending your/her country and she is being unfaithful........stuff that

You sound like you have come a loong way and been through a lot ...don't settle for second best...it will only drag you backwards

good luck

just my 2 cents and i could be totally wrong

but hey ...i respect you for what you have done and where you are:)


Well-known member
Mar 2, 2010
United States
I'm gonna go out on a limb and give my own advice...

Hey Ke, I think you know deep down what you need to do about your situation. But, I'll make it clear...you got enough to deal with down range. You don't need that on your mind. Now, cowboy the F*** up and do what you gotta do, troop.

Stay safe over in the sandbox.



I think your heart is bigger than your boots! When your boots hurt chuck em out. This is what I should so with this woman It is a form of blackmail.
In the meantime carry on with your soldiering, I am sure that is enough to worry about. You have no doubt seen some pretty bad sights overseas.
I should get together with your forces mates and for a short while forget the girls. Especially that one.
You are very brave in the battlefield.. If you feel it wold help I think there are people with the troops who will listen to your story and advise you. Find out and telling your story to them may help. They understand that you are human and subject to stress, sodon't let it go on for too long without getting support.

Take care. You have enough stress over there without being played up from the homeland. :clap::tea:


Well-known member
Feb 10, 2010
Bulford England
Hello as an army wife myself.. I know its very important not to distract a soldier espec if hes on tour alot.

i agree with everyone else. she has the problem. im being harsh but shes not what you need. Cut all strings attached. You dont want your mind on her when your supposed to be concentrating on work.

good for you to turn your life about ...


Well-known member
Mar 3, 2010
Nr London
Although it appears you don't have a mental health issue or anything and should just ditch the girl and focus on what you're doing over there but if it is bothering and distractig you from your job then maybe speak to an army councilor or something. They are there not for mentla health problems but just to help you talk about emotional issues and stuff to help you focus on the job and sometimes it helps just to talk to someone even if its just once to get it out of your system so you can move on and focus on the job. You seem a pretty resilient guy though so sure you'll be fine. Ditch her!!!!!!
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