E
Essa
New member
- Joined
- Jul 24, 2009
- Messages
- 3
I've got a sticky situation, and I'm interested in hearing feedback for a decision I'm going to have to make. I'll attempt to give a detailed picture, and I thank you for reading...
A few months back I met a man who is extremely charming. He's a lot of fun to hang out with, and we enjoy many of the same activities. He's also very intelligent, and we're able to have intense conversations. I don't meet people this stimulating very often, so it would be nice to keep him in my life.
Having said that, it is apparent to me that he is a sociopath. He has these grandiose views of himself. His career goals never come to fruition. He has said that he sometimes believes that he's the smartest person he knows. He readily admits that he does not care about the wellbeing of anyone but himself, and cannot empathize with others or care when they are hurting. He lies constantly, and takes advantage of others' generosity. He interchanges the words lie and control. They're one and the same to him. He's cheated on all of his girlfriends, and admits that he will do it again. He floats from place to place, depending on what opportunities present themselves. From what I can tell, he leads a completely parasitic lifestyle.
The thing is, I figured he was a sociopath almost immediately because I'm an RN and have educated myself to the best of my ability on this condition and other personality disorders. I let him lie to me, and put on his show for a while as we built a friendship, if you can even call it that. I kept him at a distance, but let him get to know me. One day I told him that I knew what he was doing and asked him if he'd ever been told that he was a sociopath. He told me that he was already self diagnosed. He now claims that since now he knows I can see through him and know what he is, he no longer has any reason to try to "control" me. I of course take this as simply another lie.
Unfortunately, not a whole lot is known about the inner workings of the sociopath, despite the fact that they make up as much as 4% or more of the population. I'm a ridiculously curious individual, and when I come across something I don't understand, I try to learn as much as possible and get to know it inside and out. I have Asperger's syndrome if that explains anything. He is mentally stimulating for me, both due to his intellect and his personality disorder that I cannot relate to. I enjoy my time with him because of that. He also seems to enjoy the attention I pay to him, and the interest I take in his thoughts and motives, so it's a win win situation in that respect.
Some people believe that one of the best ways to infuriate a sociopath is to get underneath the facade. At this point, from what I've gathered it appears as though he has no fixed identity and is deeply confused and ambivalent. It fascinates me. I wonder if I will end up hurt in the end for keeping this up? He certainly doesn't appear infuriated; it's quite the opposite. He seems to enjoy my interest and questions, and readily shares the answers with me. He appears almost relieved that a person has discovered that he is sociopathic, yet is still interested in speaking with him.
What I'm looking for here is a modified friendship. No emotional attachment and no trust. No putting myself in a situation that would potentially give him control over me. A relationship based purely on logic and intellectual conversation. Am I just being incredibly naive here (as per usual), or could there be more benefit than risk from this type of relationship?
Does anyone here with experience with sociopathy have any insight? Should I simply run like all of the literature out there recommends? I'd rather not have to do that. I'd compare this almost to bull riding, sans the offensive cruelty to animals. The guy by nature wants to chew me up and spit me out, but I'll stay one step ahead because the ride would be worth it. I just want to know if it's possible. Thanks again for reading.
A few months back I met a man who is extremely charming. He's a lot of fun to hang out with, and we enjoy many of the same activities. He's also very intelligent, and we're able to have intense conversations. I don't meet people this stimulating very often, so it would be nice to keep him in my life.
Having said that, it is apparent to me that he is a sociopath. He has these grandiose views of himself. His career goals never come to fruition. He has said that he sometimes believes that he's the smartest person he knows. He readily admits that he does not care about the wellbeing of anyone but himself, and cannot empathize with others or care when they are hurting. He lies constantly, and takes advantage of others' generosity. He interchanges the words lie and control. They're one and the same to him. He's cheated on all of his girlfriends, and admits that he will do it again. He floats from place to place, depending on what opportunities present themselves. From what I can tell, he leads a completely parasitic lifestyle.
The thing is, I figured he was a sociopath almost immediately because I'm an RN and have educated myself to the best of my ability on this condition and other personality disorders. I let him lie to me, and put on his show for a while as we built a friendship, if you can even call it that. I kept him at a distance, but let him get to know me. One day I told him that I knew what he was doing and asked him if he'd ever been told that he was a sociopath. He told me that he was already self diagnosed. He now claims that since now he knows I can see through him and know what he is, he no longer has any reason to try to "control" me. I of course take this as simply another lie.
Unfortunately, not a whole lot is known about the inner workings of the sociopath, despite the fact that they make up as much as 4% or more of the population. I'm a ridiculously curious individual, and when I come across something I don't understand, I try to learn as much as possible and get to know it inside and out. I have Asperger's syndrome if that explains anything. He is mentally stimulating for me, both due to his intellect and his personality disorder that I cannot relate to. I enjoy my time with him because of that. He also seems to enjoy the attention I pay to him, and the interest I take in his thoughts and motives, so it's a win win situation in that respect.
Some people believe that one of the best ways to infuriate a sociopath is to get underneath the facade. At this point, from what I've gathered it appears as though he has no fixed identity and is deeply confused and ambivalent. It fascinates me. I wonder if I will end up hurt in the end for keeping this up? He certainly doesn't appear infuriated; it's quite the opposite. He seems to enjoy my interest and questions, and readily shares the answers with me. He appears almost relieved that a person has discovered that he is sociopathic, yet is still interested in speaking with him.
What I'm looking for here is a modified friendship. No emotional attachment and no trust. No putting myself in a situation that would potentially give him control over me. A relationship based purely on logic and intellectual conversation. Am I just being incredibly naive here (as per usual), or could there be more benefit than risk from this type of relationship?
Does anyone here with experience with sociopathy have any insight? Should I simply run like all of the literature out there recommends? I'd rather not have to do that. I'd compare this almost to bull riding, sans the offensive cruelty to animals. The guy by nature wants to chew me up and spit me out, but I'll stay one step ahead because the ride would be worth it. I just want to know if it's possible. Thanks again for reading.
