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Society/people have hated me since birthday

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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
295
Let me describe the feeling of rejection/ostracism. Its like being stabbed by a hot knife in the chest only on an emotional level. Its that painful.

Ever since being born I've been ostracized, dreaded, and hated for the person I am. Everyone betrays me. All my friends have turned their backs on me. I could talk all day about why I have social anxiety. Its because I've been treated so horribly for who I am. I've tried so hard to fix myself so others will love me but nothing has worked.

I have suffered so much because people WON'T EVEN SO MUCH AS LISTEN TO ME OR TAKE ME SERIOUSLY. I get it I AM ANNOYING! I AM DUMB AS A POST! I'VE BEEN TOLD THAT MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT! YOU THINK I WANT TO BE THIS WAY!? I'm not talking to anyone here, just about people in GENERAL. Please don't take that the wrong way. Members of SAF have been nothing but helpful. I'm just so sick of people's crap. I've been bullied, shamed, ostracized for being who I am. Not just for being a male but for the very person who I am. I have a disability. I am DIFFERENT.

A person turns out who they are, not only from their household environment or who their parents are, but how society raises them and how society teaches somebody about who they are. My parents are great people with the best intentions. Going to school, anywhere public is what's screwed me up. I've written serious notes in school like this before to throw away and a time or two one was found in the trash. I saw people just laughing at it and saying, 'wow this guy's pathetic.' 'wow what a loser.' I even saw teachers and principal laughing at it and going, 'oh my god.' I threw that in the trash to never be found.

WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO BE BORN!? SO PEOPLE CAN FIND AMUSEMENT IN MY PROBLEMS AND PAIN!? SERIOUSLY I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THIS GODDAMN WORLD ANYMORE! FUCK EVERYONE. I'm SO SORRY FOR BEING ME.
 
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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
295
Every day my beloved parents express immensely their love to me and I'm so grateful to the ends of the earth for them. I'm grateful that there is at least somebody who notices and cares for me. I pray and say thank you every day for the ones who do care and especially them. It may sound corny but I honestly don't care. Sorry I'm really emotional right now and am hiding in my work bathroom waiting for my eyes to dry because I've been fighting tears for an hour but failed… badly
 
toutatis

toutatis

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
212
Location
new zealand
Hi there,

All I can say @George10111, is I feel very similar things within myself all the time. Social experiences feel more like crazy, frustrating, twilight zone type experiences and I just don't get it or want it. For me it's not worth the trouble. But I keep hoping - hoping against hope - that I'll finally meet someone, a woman [for me], who will resonate on the same socially isolated frequency.

Anyway, I appreciated what you posted here, it reminds me we're all fighting these silent inner battles, and we just have to be brave and keep battling on and looking for the good things in life to help us through these rough patches: the birds chirping in the trees, a cat sitting in someones driveway, the warm sunshine while drinking a nice cup of coffee and having a smoke [again, for me], things like that, friend.

Yes, social anxiety. It's a challenge. That's how I want to see it now. (((Hugs!)))
 
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Tombomb

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2018
Messages
50
well i feel in my anxiety moments that people are sinners an the whole world has gone mad an out of control making my anxiety seem like im going against the whole world and yes it does get me down. The hold build up of my day goes way out the window. Chaos around me n i dont know who i trust. World is not too kind especially for myself because im not a mean person an in my life i have done some good deeds with my family. So i dont know who to trust with my episodeds i have not found a person too soften my need. I need a circus net too catch me guess thats what im looking for in my life. IT IMPORTANT TO FIND UR CIRCUS NET
 
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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
295
George reporting in. I literally can't believe how much crap I put up with on a daily basis. Not just social but everything. Car won't start, backpack lost, etc. I've checked out completely. I don't really give a shit what I look like anymore because I get shot down anyhow. I go everywhere, bed head, worn raggedy clothes because it never mattered anyway so I'm going to look how I've been made to feel.

Every time I talk to somebody they get annoyed. Every time I post somewhere the comment gets deleted. Google singles me out and deletes my comments, questions and keeps the most crass, insane and annoying ones but deletes mine. I get singled out in real life. Just today I heard some guys talking about me at the gas station, I heard them saying how it looks like I don't have a woman in my life. I always hear people in my house complaining about how I don't do enough. I'm just never good enough to anybody. I thought I was someone once. I really thought I mattered and actually had a chance in this world but I've been taught the coldest life lesson, I'm garbage to everybody and everything.
 
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Tombomb

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2018
Messages
50
No bro when i got diagnosed in high school i gained the power too tear down cliques an stereo types . greatest thing i ever did. Then they putt me in a hospital an still that didnt stop me. I make opened minded kind people to be the powerfull ones Instead of the sport jocks an snotty chearleaders we most all cometogether in this cruel world we live in. The goal is 4 us together is making are differnces ok an we gain most of are power by who we are at this moment not in the past then we can look too the future in a unpredictable an happy future!
 
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