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Socialising when you’re not feeling great

Capri19

Capri19

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Mar 16, 2021
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NZ
Last night we went out for a meal with my partners cousin and her partner. Ive met her before so felt relaxed about joining them at the local restaurant. The evening was awful. She dominated the conversation and it was all about people I didn’t know, and also about my partners late wife, who she adored. I ached to check my phone for messages on FB, which is really a big social no no..and then in the end I did. It was the most agonising evening, not being able to join the conversation...and my unrelaxed mind returned by the end of the night. Upon raising the issue with my partner later on, he snapped a cross reply, that maybe I shouldn’t join him next time. I was blown away, as he’s not normally like that. He reminded me of a recent evening spent with an old friend of mine...who didn’t really include him in the conversation. I guess if you don’t suffer from anxiety/depression, you just shrug and say, well, that was a boring evening...but my reaction was....she doesn’t find me interesting, she’s comparing me to my partners late wife and socially I’m crap. I’m now feeling uneasy with my partner...all so ridiculous I know, but I’m still fragile from an incident at beginning of week...love to know how others deal with social situations when you’re feeling low.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Apr 20, 2019
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2,186
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England
The evening was awful. She dominated the conversation and it was all about people I didn’t know, and also about my partners late wife, who she adored.

love to know how others deal with social situations when you’re feeling low.
It sounds like she was quite rude to dominate and to talk about the ex partner too, regardless of your current MH situation, most would find that rude. I can understand your discomfort but I'd certainly leave Facebook well alone in future as that could indicate that you aren't interested or paying attention or making an effort as well, which doesn't help really.

The best way to deal with them is to avoid them...but it's also the worst way to deal with them. I'm not the best to advise on this matter, but I can warn you off of withdrawing from social outings because it gets easier and easier to do and before long you can find yourself not wanting to mix very often at all because you'd be forever thinking of how you have to explain your latest absence. If this then impacts on your depression because you don't get invited anywhere anymore then it can become a vicious circle, one you helped to create.
I guess you could try things like changing the subject of conversation to something more relevant to the time, or something less about you guys and more about something else, or maybe being a bit more forceful in leading the conversation if it's going in a direction you don't feel comfortable with. I understand this is a stretch when depressed but that's all I've got for now.
 
T

treasurebox

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Aug 14, 2018
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509
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Philippines
I usually avoid people when I am low. But now I think it will be good to socialize when feeling low. Other people may just be able to cheer up or make my day.

As to what happened to you and your partner. It will be good to forgive, let it go and move on. Do not over think. There will be better days for you and your partner. You will think and feel better.

Create happy moments because happiness is a choice and you were created to be happy.
 
Z

ZechariahElijah

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Mar 16, 2021
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192
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United States
The best way to deal with them is to avoid them...but it's also the worst way to deal with them.
You put it so perfectly. That’s the trouble with depression. It makes you want to pull away because it’s hard to handle being with people (even nice people are hard to interact with. Never mind rude ones). But if you always pull away it makes it hard to push back at the depression. I’m sure there’s a balance somewhere. If anyone finds it let me know....
 
Capri19

Capri19

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Mar 16, 2021
Messages
37
Location
NZ
It sounds like she was quite rude to dominate and to talk about the ex partner too, regardless of your current MH situation, most would find that rude. I can understand your discomfort but I'd certainly leave Facebook well alone in future as that could indicate that you aren't interested or paying attention or making an effort as well, which doesn't help really.

The best way to deal with them is to avoid them...but it's also the worst way to deal with them. I'm not the best to advise on this matter, but I can warn you off of withdrawing from social outings because it gets easier and easier to do and before long you can find yourself not wanting to mix very often at all because you'd be forever thinking of how you have to explain your latest absence. If this then impacts on your depression because you don't get invited anywhere anymore then it can become a vicious circle, one you helped to create.
I guess you could try things like changing the subject of conversation to something more relevant to the time, or something less about you guys and more about something else, or maybe being a bit more forceful in leading the conversation if it's going in a direction you don't feel comfortable with. I understand this is a stretch when depressed but that's all I've got for now.
You are so right and I have been doing that a bit. I did try at the beginning of the evening to think of things I could talk about but she was a motor mouth and swept from one topic to the next...just won’t be in a rush to go out with them again. Thank you so much for your comments and support. Is helping me so much to get some feed back from people that are removed emotionally from the situation😊
 
Capri19

Capri19

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Joined
Mar 16, 2021
Messages
37
Location
NZ
I usually avoid people when I am low. But now I think it will be good to socialize when feeling low. Other people may just be able to cheer up or make my day.

As to what happened to you and your partner. It will be good to forgive, let it go and move on. Do not over think. There will be better days for you and your partner. You will think and feel better.

Create happy moments because happiness is a choice and you were created to be happy.
Thank you and yes, you’re right. I’ll move on. Has been a bit awkward between us today...but tomorrow’s another day. Appreciate your support!😊
 
Capri19

Capri19

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Messages
37
Location
NZ
You put it so perfectly. That’s the trouble with depression. It makes you want to pull away because it’s hard to handle being with people (even nice people are hard to interact with. Never mind rude ones). But if you always pull away it makes it hard to push back at the depression. I’m sure there’s a balance somewhere. If anyone finds it let me know....
You put that well also...even nice people are hard to be with. I think the thing is, we become very selective of who we wish to spend time with...but sometimes that circle of people that “fit” are few and far between. I have enough wonderful people in my life, which is not lots, but enough ...and choose not to socialise anymore with my neighbours ( which had gotten out of control at one stage...never wise to make all your neighbours your friends....but that’s another story 🙄)
 
BadWolf10

BadWolf10

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Mar 18, 2021
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77
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UK
I very often avoid social situations too. In general sometimes actually. I have to really trust and have a connection with people to start letting them in.

I find certain people very difficult to be around. And if I can't always make excuses etc then trying to bite my tongue and stay calm and civil is very exhausting
 
Capri19

Capri19

Active member
Joined
Mar 16, 2021
Messages
37
Location
NZ
I very often avoid social situations too. In general sometimes actually. I have to really trust and have a connection with people to start letting them in.

I find certain people very difficult to be around. And if I can't always make excuses etc then trying to bite my tongue and stay calm and civil is very exhausting
It certainly is exhausting trying to pretend you’re something that you’re not. I think I’m going to have to come up with tactics to deal with social situations...and that might even be a plan to leave early if I’m struggling. I guess I just don’t enjoy sitting around trying to make conversation with people that I’m not interested in or who I sense are not interested in me. I wouldn’t cope being Royal!😅 You’re not alone though in preferring to be around people you trust and connect with. My partner is very relaxed with people and tolerates social situations better than me...and I think he doesn’t understand my struggle.
 
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