Social Isolation ...?

Chris Walken

Chris Walken

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 28, 2014
Messages
488
Location
Eire
Thought I'd kick this one off, amongst my fellow PTSD sufferers. I'm sure many conditions may cause varying degrees of social isolation, for what ever reasons. But, I haven't got many conditions. I've got chronic PTSD. And, it's pretty much directly attributable to my secondary condition; That of practically the high ninety's percent of complete social isolation.

Looking back, I guess I can sort of see how all started. As soon as the incident had occurred, my own mother began lamenting that she didn't recognise me any more. She always said that in a deeply sad and regretting way. I never once thought to ask her to sit down and explain to me how I'd changed.

Then, I was called in for one of their 'chuck you off the sick' assessments. This bloke was actually perfectly friendly. And, as it was my first ever, I hadn't yet learned what absolute bastards that lot were to become. But, his demeanor made me relaxed and I remember explaining to him, perfectly honestly and openly, how I was surprised and puzzled to have realised I now lived in a triangle.

That's to say, I'd get on my bike, every day, and ride to work.That was one line of my triangle. Then, I might cross the short distance to my old dears flat. Second line. From there, back home. My triangle. I barely ever deviated any more. That was my comfort zone and I'd start losing my shit if I tried to leave it. Then, I started losing my shit at work .....

I won't bore you with the rest of my life story. Just suffice to say that Rabies is also known as the Running Disease. Because an afflicted animal, not having any concept of what the hell's going on, will try to run away from the shit in its head. I did that too. I left my home town, practically on a moments whim. Very easy, emotionally, as I'd long since detached from everyone around me.

Then, I hunkered down in my new place and only went out, to shop, on my trusty push bike. That kept me safely isolated from the real people bustling along the pavements. My only 'social life' was on line. Emailing and chatting on fora and in chat rooms.

Finally, even the fact that fucking people kept knocking my door ~ the sort of constant traffic one experiences in an poorer urban setting. Would I be interested in double glazing? Why didn't I have a TV license? Would I like to see this catalogue of gadg ..... " Fuuuck Offf!!!!! ", sadly, became my normal response. To this day, if even I accidentally make a knocking sound? My hackles rise!

And now, the Running has led me here. Smack bang middle of nowhere. My nearest neighbours dotted about in the far distance. No one comes near me. I go no where. When I die? God knows how, or when they'll ever find out. Cest la vie. Suits me.

But, here's the kicker: I'm also now banned from practically 99% of the fucking internet! This place is one of only Two fora that haven't banned me ~ yet! And, the other one Has banned me from their fucking Chat Room!

Okay, it's not as if I've made a lifes work of running around, upsetting the mod's on every forum I could find. It's extremely difficult to find a forum, these days. Everything's gone over to fb.

Maybe this place is here because the owners have the fucking sense to realise we're not about to talk about ourselves, publicly, using our real fucking names! " My name's John Smith. And I'm a fucking lunatic. " may not be the wisest thing to come out with on fb!

But, I did join it, once. Using a 'Handle' ~ genuinely not realising ye mean't to provide ye real name, address, phone number and bank details. Mate of mine got me invited onto half a dozen 'private' Groups. Inside of two weeks, I'd got myself banned from every fucking one of them. He's never spoken to me since!

So, yeah; Social Isolation. I'm an absolute Passed fucking Master of it. Don't know why. Don't know what I do so wrong. Never asked my old dear, and she's long dead now.

But, I used to have mates. I'd go places with them. I had hobbies and interests I'd fervently discuss, on fora. My email was murder to keep up with. So many people wanting to chat with me. I was Normal!

Now? Spiraled so fucking far down, I'm practically Robinson fucking Crusoe! And even Friday's fucked off on me!

Anyone ....?


Tldr? Do You talk to any fucker, any more?
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
I really appreciate your feelings. It is great to see that you are honest in the way that you express yourself. The thing I have learnt in life, is to be empathetic to people's feelings because everyone has feelings and they are very real and valid!
I have to mention, that my illness taking me never to presume it assume anything.
The fact that you are so in touch with your feelings is wonderful to see.
We too moved away from our home town, and have found that it is difficult being accepted in a new place where everyone knows each other already and people have clicks!
I really hope that you are able to get some support here. It is so good to release your frustrations and feelings in a safe environment, and you know that you will not be judged here. Keep sharing!
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
Actually you would have picked up it should have said my illness taught me
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,960
Location
USA
Isolation is pretty common in those of us that suffer with PTSD.

For me I think that I spend so much time and effort just working on keeping my shit together that the outside world is too much hassle and distraction to deal with most of the time.
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
Do you think it is possible to recover from PTSD? I ask, because I used to suffer it. After many years of doing some helpful courses, I no longer have it. I just wanted to give you some hope.

* Raised in a violent home
* Got run over by a car
* Suffered physical and emotional abuse
* Sensitive to loud noises and had many triggers, if someone would sihout at me, or I would hear a loud screeching car, that would trigger me
* Flood of emotions

It would be interesting to know some of the symptoms that you all experience

I really understand and hope that I can help in some small way
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,960
Location
USA
I think it's great that you are no longer struggling with your PTSD .Were you diagnosed by a professional and then it was removed because you no longer meet the criteria needed to receive the diagnosis? Or were you diagnosed and no longer have the same issues and struggles you once did but still have the diagnosis?

I have really been struggling off and on throughout the past couple of years but I know much of it has been because of all the things that have been going on in my life plus experiencing a new trauma at the end of 2017.I wasn't doing so bad before that and was doing fairly well at managing triggers and the fallout afterwards.

I think I will always have PTSD and as much as I hate it,I do accept that fact.I have recovered from DID and no longer have that diagnosis so I'm just grateful for that.

My PTSD symptoms vary depending on the trigger.I have many different types of trauma so there are different triggers for each type.Different triggers for CSA,ones for emotional abuse,ones for physical abuse,etc.Sometimes when I've been triggered the world seems/feels unsafe and I have a hard time being around anyone.I startle very easily and even jump/scream if I catch a glimpse of myself walking past a mirror.I feel very afraid and fear for my life.Sometimes I feel so depressed I want to die, sometimes I feel rage,etc.Like I said,it depends on the trigger.

I went through years of trauma therapy and it really helped.I haven't really had a flashback in years.I'm actually doing waaay better than when I first started therapy even though I do struggle.

I think eventually things will calm down for me.This last trauma though really took me down and I'm still pulling myself back up from it.
 
L

Lonely Planet

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 26, 2019
Messages
61
Location
UK
Chris, I completely empathise. This is me to a tee. Not currently working due to the anxiety, insomnia and flashbacks but when I am, I too do that triange thing...although in my case it's just a line between home and work.
My doctor keeps on at me to join groups and I just want to scream at him. Does he not understand how unlikely that is to happen? No, clearly not.
However, there is a boxfit class run by a Mindspace group that I might, just might, go to this Tuesday. I'd never even have considered it if he hadnt kept on at me and it's a massive step just to be considering going. I think there's a 90% chance I won't go.
So, you are definitely not alone. At the moment, (and for the past 3 months) my only goal has been to text my best friend.
All I can say, is keep the goals small, and keep at it. It's taken fucking ages for me to get this far.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,960
Location
USA
Do you think it is possible to recover from PTSD? I ask, because I used to suffer it. After many years of doing some helpful courses, I no longer have it. I just wanted to give you some hope.

* Raised in a violent home
* Got run over by a car
* Suffered physical and emotional abuse
* Sensitive to loud noises and had many triggers, if someone would sihout at me, or I would hear a loud screeching car, that would trigger me
* Flood of emotions

It would be interesting to know some of the symptoms that you all experience

I really understand and hope that I can help in some small way
Forgot to ask..what courses did you take? I haven't heard of any courses,just the different therapy types.
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
I took two courses, they weren't particularly for PTSD, but they really helped to alleviate PTSD. One was called anger change for women. Because of all the abuse I had suffered I carried around allot of anger and I want even aware of it. The other was setting Boundaries, because the reason I had PTSD, was because I was a people pleaser and couldn't say no, I also let people take advantage of me. They definitely were a big help to learn the strategies that would lesson my triggers. I also use YouTube as a resource to find strategies to cope.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,960
Location
USA
I'm confused,you said you no longer have PTSD,did you mean you no longer struggle with symptoms or you no longer have the diagnosis?we're you diagnosed by a professional or self diagnosed?

Also confused because you say you developed PTSD because you were a people pleaser, couldn't say no and let people take advantage of you.Trauma is what causes it,so it would be the abuse that caused it,not anything about you as a person.I hope you don't blame yourself for abuse because you feel you couldn't say no and let ppl take advantage of you.

Have you had any kind of trauma therapy?
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
When I had PTSD, I actually had post natal depression, so my PTSD was part of that diagnoses. They didn't actually diagnose me with PTSD, but I suffered it at the same time after having my babies. I later on was diagnosed with bipolar. The symptoms you describe are definitely very similar to what I experienced. It is so debilitating! I also suffered anxiety for many many years too.
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
I'm confused,you said you no longer have PTSD,did you mean you no longer struggle with symptoms or you no longer have the diagnosis?we're you diagnosed by a professional or self diagnosed?

Also confused because you say you developed PTSD because you were a people pleaser, couldn't say no and let people take advantage of you.Trauma is what causes it,so it would be the abuse that caused it,not anything about you as a person.I hope you don't blame yourself for abuse because you feel you couldn't say no and let ppl take advantage of you.

Have you had any kind of trauma therapy?
Sorry i wasnt clear enough. I suffered physical and emotional abuse and I got run over by a car and that contributed to my PTSD. I was in abusive relationships
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,960
Location
USA
Oh so probably post traumatic stress(PTS) and not post traumatic stress disorder(PTSD).The first usually resolves on it's own while the other doesn't,the reason it's called a disorder.

I guess I'm still confused.You say you weren't diagnosed with PTSD but said you suffered it when you had your babies.PTSD isn't something that just lasts for a little bit then goes away.But I am glad you have recovered from whatever it was.

Hugs
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
Sorry i wasnt clear enough. I suffered physical and emotional abuse and I got run over by a car and that contributed to my PTSD. I was in abusive relationships
I had cbt, rape counseling
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,960
Location
USA
So I'm guessing you have both PTSD and BIpolar.That must be rough
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
Oh so probably post traumatic stress(PTS) and not post traumatic stress disorder(PTSD).The first usually resolves on it's own while the other doesn't,the reason it's called a disorder.

I guess I'm still confused.You say you weren't diagnosed with PTSD but said you suffered it when you had your babies.PTSD isn't something that just lasts for a little bit then goes away.But I am glad you have recovered from whatever it was.

Hugs
Maybe you are right, I wasn't professionally diagnosed. I did have post traumatic stress though, self diagnosed I guess. I definitely had the after affects of being physically hit. Also I was raised in a violent home, constant yelling, and everytime my boyfriend would yell and hit me, I would revert back to feeling like I was a child again, loud sudden noises would startle me and I felt like I was highly strung, a bundle of nerves so to speak. Anxiety was also very heightened, I couldn't express my feelings and would bury them. After the medication I've been on for the bipolar, I no longer suffer the symptoms of post traumatic stress. So I'm sorry, I didn't know what the difference between the pts and PTSD, so thank you for clarifying that for me.
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
So I'm guessing you have both PTSD and BIpolar.That must be rough
Thankfully at the moment, I am episode free, they worked out that I had a low thyroid function, since having that treated, I no longer experience the high and lows of bipolar, I know I will always have bipolar but at the moment, I'm episode and symptom free
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,960
Location
USA
Oh I'm not saying you don't have PTSD,I was just confused by what you were saying.From everything you have been through it sure does sound possible.
 
M

missme

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2019
Messages
287
Location
NZ
Oh I'm not saying you don't have PTSD,I was just confused by what you were saying.From everything you have been through it sure does sound possible.
No I don't think I have the disorder, and don't worry, I didn't think that you were suggesting that I didn't .... You really helped me understand better what the difference is, and if the disorder is even worse than what I went through, then I really offer you my support and I'm sorry for your suffering. It must be so difficult to know that it is going to last. Big hugs to you from New Zealand! 😁
 
Top