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Social anxiety

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Jodie14

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Derby
Hi 👋

I don’t really no what to say really. I’ve not been diagnosed with Social anxiety but after hearing about it(after not really knowing it existed) and then reading all about it, it definitely something that resembles me. And tbh I hate it!! I’m always anxious, and feel a freak. I don’t have many people in my life as I’m unable to make friends and it very lonely. I have nobody who really understands what it’s like for me. The struggles of talking to people, to feel comfortable around people, to maintain or start a conversation with people is a daily battle. It’s been 33 years of constantly feeling an outcast, feeling not normal, feeling low. I don’t want to be this person. I dislike this person but I don’t know how to be anything other than this person.

So Anyways I thought I’d start here and talk to people who also struggle and can help me overcome this.

P.s it looks like I actually did have something to say lol
 
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Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,540
Location
Florida
Hi Jodie I have the opposite in social situations-I am always out gone and talk too much. So basically the same principal. I get really nervous around others and just talk up a storm-too much talking. So we are at the opposite end of the spectrum. But still the same results. Left feeling alone and like no one cares what I say. You just have let go a little and not be afraid to talk. I talk about the weather anything in current news and so forth. Everyone loves the weather and will talk. You do not need a whole bunch of conversation. It is a bright beautiful day I would say. No fears and no worries Jules
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
855
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
I can empathise.
Can I ask about the nature of your difficulties? To give you some idea, let me relate some of the difficulties I myself suffer from:-

Struggle to think of things to say, in a social context.
Find it difficult in groups of people
Very self-conscious
Find it difficult to 'maintain' friendships by keeping up the level of energy required.
Prone to mood shifts

In terms of starting a conversation, my observation is that generally people like to talk about themselves. So I try to remember what someone has told me about their personal life, and later on ask them about it.

I'm happy to talk about it further if you wish. As a lifelong sufferer of social anxiety, I can say it has got slightly easier for me as I've aged. But I just have to accept, I'll never be a social magnet. I'm more comfortable on a 1 to 1 conversation basis, and only if I'm relaxed with the other person. There are some personality types that I just don't 'click' with. I'm better with someone fairly reserved, like myself.
 
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BrianHorlicks

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2015
Messages
3,669
Location
England
It can be awkward,
I know.
I was the same,
Didn't like the sound of my own voice,
And stuttered as well,
When i was younger.
Keep my self to myself.
Bullied at school.
Then years later,
Got a bit sick of stories about me at work,
Being spread about,
Which weren't true.
So...
I decided to go the opposite way,
Everyone will know me,
Even if you dont know me,
That will stop the stories.
Haven't looked back since.

I also think working in an environment with the public helped as well,
Working in a famous supermarket helped a lot.
Well,
Their not talking to me,
The customers are talking to the uniform,
The uniform was if you like a shield, i could hide behind.

The other thing now is...
I don't care what people think,
I am who I am,
Im not going to change,
Its taken a long time,
I dont go backwards.

Stop fitting in,
stop worrying about what people you dont know,
think about you.
It will come
Just don't give up!!
 
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Jodie14

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Derby
Hi all, thank you so much for your replies, it means so much and comforting to know, you know, how I feel.

I agree as I’ve got older it has become slightly easier but I mean only by the tiniest bit. When I was young I would blush bright red as soon as someone would talk to me, thankful that doesn’t happen anymore however all the anxious feelings remain the same. I do push myself more in social settings but again the outcome is usually the same.

I would love to not care what people think, I really would, jules5 and in some respect if I’m never gunna see that person again then yes I couldn’t care cus I’ll never have to face them again. But when I facing these people daily or regular it’s hard not too. I’m a mother of 3 so social interaction is more apparent. Schoo runs, playgroups, kids parties. My anxiety is so bad that I’m finding myself taking different routes to school so I don’t bump into someone I might of exchanged a few words with just to not feel awkward and embarrassed. It’s crippling.

All my life people think in stuck up and rude which I’m really not, it this battle I’m going through and I can’t understand why I’m this way.

The answer to u question hicks is, all those difficulties you describe, I go through. Only way I can describe it, it’s like having a memory blank. Some one will say something and il just go blank and have no reply so just do a nervous laugh instead. If I do muster somet up to say then it’s all jumbled and I forget how to pronounce words or use the wrong words entirely so basically screw it up. I never make eye contact and always look away when I’m talk so I’m not surprise people think I’m rude.

I would just love to be comfortable to join in on a convo, whether it’s with the parents on the playground, friends of friends or even family.
 
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LostSpirit

Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Uk
Hi Jodie I'm 33 and only recently started suffering with social aniexty, here I'f you ever need a chat
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
855
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
Only way I can describe it, it’s like having a memory blank. Some one will say something and il just go blank and have no reply so just do a nervous laugh instead
Yes me too. My brain just can't find the right (or any) answer. Result - conversation falls flat. Awkward. I find smalltalk really difficult.
Having said that, I can have a great chat with someone on subjects that I know a lot about, or have strong opinion. But this is serious talk, which isn't the same as the superficial pleasantries exchanged a lot of the time.
If anyone has any tips on how to do smalltalk, I'm really interested.
Maybe it's a subject for the social anxiety forum. Feel free to hang out there if you like.
Oh and eye contact is really important. I would try to get a bit more comfortable with that. Not constant eye contact, but just now and again while you're talking, just to connect with the other person.
 
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Jodie14

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Derby
Hi Jodie I'm 33 and only recently started suffering with social aniexty, here I'f you ever need a chat

Hi, please tell me more.

How did ur social aniexty come about? How do you cope.

This is something I’ve always suffered with.
 
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Jodie14

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Derby
Yes me too. My brain just can't find the right (or any) answer. Result - conversation falls flat. Awkward. I find smalltalk really difficult.
Having said that, I can have a great chat with someone on subjects that I know a lot about, or have strong opinion. But this is serious talk, which isn't the same as the superficial pleasantries exchanged a lot of the time.
If anyone has any tips on how to do smalltalk, I'm really interested.
Maybe it's a subject for the social anxiety forum. Feel free to hang out there if you like.
Oh and eye contact is really important. I would try to get a bit more comfortable with that. Not constant eye contact, but just now and again while you're talking, just to connect with the other person.
Hi,

I have always suffered with this from as young as I could remember. Obviously as I’ve become older it’s become more apperent. From a small child I was very very shy, if anybody would talk to me I would hide behind my parents legs. From what has always been put down to shyness I feel as I’ve got older i can see it’s more than just that and as I’ve got older there’s no one to hide behind. Lol.


I find small and long talks impossibly, well any kind of chat impossibly really. I feel like a complete failure. Unable to communicate in the simplest form.

I really do try to put myself out there but it always fails. Conversation just get awkward and intend to make a excuse and run.

Sometimes il look and and have a chat with my self, just go over and just say something, anything! but something always stops me. I’m guessing that will be my lack confidence and guts.
 
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Jodie14

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Derby
The eye contact thing is weird because if they are talking to me then I will always give them my eye contact. It’s only when I do the talking my eyes are looking at anything but that person. I don’t do it on purpose, it’s kind of a nervous unconscious action. I’m very fidgety and got to really think about what I’m saying when I do talk.

I dont know!! I think I’m a lost cause with this and will forever lead an lonely friendless and a no family life. Cus it’s not just with people i dont know happens even around my family members.
 
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LostSpirit

Member
Joined
Sep 16, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Uk
Hi, please tell me more.

How did ur social aniexty come about? How do you cope.

This is something I’ve always suffered with.
I had a bad childhood and for me it's always been there but as I've got older it's got worse! Never felt good enough ever, everytime I go out I constantly worry about what people think of me.
 
Warrior

Warrior

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2019
Messages
792
Location
UK
Hello @Jodie14 welcome to the forum and as you can see your welcomed and chatting with members who are going through the same situation 🤗
 
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Jodie14

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Derby
I had a bad childhood and for me it's always been there but as I've got older it's got worse! Never felt good enough ever, everytime I go out I constantly worry about what people think of me.
That’s how I feel. I’m not good enough, I have zero confidence. I’m literally stumbling through life.if that’s what u can say I’m living.

Have u seeked any advice?
 
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Bfw94

New member
Joined
Oct 1, 2019
Messages
4
Location
Wales
Hi Jodie. I know exactly how you feel. It just takes over my life daily. Just feeling constantly as if you aren’t good enough and feeling awkward in every social situation.. I struggle with blushing when some people talk to me, mainly if it’s someone I’ve never spoken to before. I hate having any attention on me and would rather blend in and not be noticed. I’m 26 and I’ve always felt this way, and I hope it does get better as I get older. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about it.
 
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