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Social Anxiety makes it impossible to date.

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Darkpigeon

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2015
Messages
8
I have been Diagnosed with social anxiety for over 2 years but felt its effects for over 3 years. As far back as I can remember I have always been VERY self conscious as I was bullied for being different, Had a birth mark that looked like a bruise on my face (Been so truamatised from it I had it surgically removed and even 3 years since it being removed and me being able to tie my hair up and not cover my face I still feel sick when I see anything that reminds me of it or I hear the words I was bullied with regardless of context and cannot say or type them myself) and never got over it, even though I am not bullied anymore since I left school which was coming up 5 years ago. I have been able to have one night stands as they call it, and had 5 in total and when my mental health was actually at its peak I had a "friend with benefits" which did not last longer then a few months but that was his fault suprisingly. Anyway I hate that I am so insecure that I can't let anyone in and I hate myself for it, even on the rare occasion that I meet someone who I have a "spark" or "instant connection" and share the same feelings... I always mess it up and talk myself out of it before "it" even has a chance to turn into anything. I keep saying to myself maybe in another year I will have the courage to someone get close like that which has helped so far but every now and then the lack of relationship consumes and devastates me for days and I turn into a blubbering mess at friends and family and its only gotten worse.

Anyone else have similar experiences or in the same boat and managed to get out, would be nice to hear someone else have a positive experience when I feel more hopeless then I normally allow myself to feel. :eek2:
 
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Darkpigeon

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2015
Messages
8
*I have no idea how to edit this into original post so just posting it as a reply*

As to the social anxiety type I suffer from, I am basically house bound in the sense I cannot point blank leave the house alone. I can only leave if someone (either family or friend) I trust accompanies for the whole situation and even though most of time as lost as I have them I can mundane things like shopping mostly without batting an eyelid so long as I am freshly washed that day or the day before, clean clothed and fresh make up that is not smudged. Generally I am ok like that but it takes only a little thing to set me off. Things that make me feel week infront of others like squabbling with a sibling is a big no no, bumping into people I was not prepared to speak to (havent seen in a while like before mental health issues got so bad or last spoke in heated terms which is normally again before mental health got so bad). Going out on a day where I am not as comfortable in myself then usual normally leads to one person saying something (normally group laughing, regardless of whether its about me I can't help but be paranoid that it must be about me), me bumping into a person physically or someone simply looking at me more then what is usual.

I struggle badly with memory during conversations I am emotional about or to people I am still getting used to (still always have someone I trust with me supervising at all times with new people until I trust them). I can often get annoyed with myself because I either end up forgetting what I was saying altogether and have to ask what it was or I can't convey what I want as the words turn to ash. I can keep eye contact when I am able to put sentences together but the moment I start to struggle wording things I can no longer look at them. If I have a panic attack I have to get to a place away from prying eyes as fast as possible and will try tell the person with me with stiff jaws (to try mask that I am talking) to go to the toilet with me. If I end up having a panic attack in a public place I cannot move until I finish crying as it is bad enough with how many people have just seen me crying I could not cope (not that I was coping to begin with lol) with more people seeing me at my worst, but as soon as I stop I immediately try to recover as if nothing happened on the surface and then I get out of there... the day is cancelled no matter what I was doing. But I rarely go out now, I go shopping once or twice a fort night and see one or two friends for a once a month catch up. otherwise I spend all my time in my bedroom. I don't go downstairs except to cook as I feel that if I try to relax in the living room then I am preventing everyone else from being in there. I suffer from SH when I have bad panic attacks and my Borderline personality disorder does not mix with my social anxiety well at all, most of the time its one or the other that demands my attention, anxiety outside the house and personality disorder inside the house where most of my anxiety is "relaxed".
 
Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,750
Location
Europe
The nhs does do CBT based treatments for social anxiety, your Gp will be able to refer you. I found it quite helpfuld.
 
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Darkpigeon

Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2015
Messages
8
Thank you both I will look into it, as to DBT I was actually refused my my local mental health teams because I told them that I could only go if I brought someone with me... apparently that is a big no no to them, I shortly stopped trying to get any help from them and the crisis because for the 4 months I tried to work with them in the begining my mom made it very apparent I could not have any tom dick and harry come to me and that they needed to pick someone or two and stick with those people coming to see me, that did not happen and they were very sloppy to say the least in regards to keeping information with me often having to tell them basic things like just my name and then having to tell them in detail whats wrong every time. I had been trying different meds in the beginning to help me but I take after my mom and am highly sensitive to anything that changes the chemistry in my brain... I have had alot more time to get used to my situation now so will e talking to my doctor about maybe trying quintiapine (forget how its spelt) again but start off on lowest dose.
 
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