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Social anxiety leads to general anxiety leads to depression

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WhatSarahSaid

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Apr 28, 2020
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I don't know if I can ever get past my mindset. I'm bored because I'm tired of the activities that I'm not afraid to do. I'm only afraid of activities that involve potential conflict with others. For example, I bought a razor scooter (always wanted one as a child) and I love it, but I've never ridden it outside because I'm afraid of what people will think or say, because I feel like they'll think I'm too old for those kinds of things.

I just have no interest in anything lately, and now I feel like I'm getting obsessive about not knowing what I want to do at any given moment in my free time, which is really just making it worse. I've been trying to like access my inner child or whatever because I spend my childhood walking on eggshells, trying to avoid getting screamed at and called stupid for something trivial like putting a kitchen utensil in the wrong drawer. I'm preprogrammed. I have no idea what my real interests are, and the last time I remember really knowing who I was, I was about 5 maybe. I try an interest, get super invested for about a month, then lost interest. And I'm so sick of it.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I'm only afraid of activities that involve potential conflict with others.

I've been trying to like access my inner child or whatever because I spend my childhood walking on eggshells, trying to avoid getting screamed at and called stupid for something trivial like putting a kitchen utensil in the wrong drawer. I'm preprogrammed.
I guess no one likes conflict. Some of us are really sensitive to it, and it bothers us a lot. So we might avoid anything where it could happen, although we may be poor at assessing the likelihood of it, or overthink how bad it really is when it happens. We may have catastrophe in mind. I can't stand the awkwardness sometimes, it bothers me afterwards. Makes me want to avoid it, but it is common to feel it.

The second point, oh boy, that hits home. I grew up in chaos and abuse (emotional/mental) and neglect. Lots of tension and hostility and anger and mental illness. Criticized for trivial stuff like you said. Some learned helplessness happened because no matter what, it kept on coming. I learned to avoid at home because who wants that, someone yelling at you, judging you, etc.
 
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