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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Social anxiety heavily crippled my life and still do.

A

Atanvardo

New member
Joined
Jun 29, 2020
Messages
4
Location
Belgium
Hello everyone, so since i was a child i always had Social Anxiety to the point that i couldn’t easily go along with others, my main problem is the sheer fear i feel of meeting and being in contact with peoples (this problem do diminish with time but never go away, still to this day i still have problems to really talk to my own family or peoples i know for years) because of this anxiety i became an introvert to the extreme (to the point of being a shut-in) and it’s been several month since i left my house (i’m 25 and still live with my parents, not that uncommon for my family, i’am not the oldest to do so) for others then obligations.

Of course it’s not a surprising that because of that it’s nearly impossible for me to commons thing like find a job (when meeting news peoples i am so anxious that i become a sort of emotionless meat robot and that stage last at least several months before it start to slowly ease up) and i’m so nervous in job interview that i am never called back (doesn’t help that some job are nearly impossible for me, mainly those with a lot of human interaction) with that come another problem: the simple fact of leaving my house nearly trigger panic attack if i’am not with someone i know and trust: the result of this is that i never had a job and it’s been nearly 5 years that i finished school, i don’t see myself finding one (or keeping it long if i find one by miracle).

Social anxiety (and my shut-in style of life) completely destroyed my hope (and desire? I’m still not sure) of ever having a love life, while i had a few crush and some peoples seemed to have that kind of affection for me i never had the strength to try to start something with them: the simple idea of trying scared me because of that fact that if i ever tried to and ended up rejected in the end (or just a break up) it would break me, of course that counting on the fact it could even trust them enough to start something with them or that my shut-in life would even make it possible for them to want that.

My biggest problem among them is that i don’t think i have the strength to change, i doubt anybody among my close ones even know how hard it’s for me to simply be me and that because i’m a really good pathological liar: i have more mask than i can count i’m not even sure i know myself. I did consult psychologists and therapists alike but nothing they ever told me or prescribed me helped.

I wrote all this to get it out of my chest (not the first time since i did seek professional help after all) and ask this question: if you went through a similar experience or know someone who did then did you (or they) ever found a way to cope with their problems or, i dare to hope, found a solution and ended up having a normal life?

ps: also sorry for the near litteral wall of text you just read, didn’t realise i wrote this much.
 
P

PerpetuallyStuck

Guest
I can relate to everything you said. I am in the same position, but will soon be 33. I mean, it feels less and less likely that my situation will improve. Don't worry about writing a "wall of text". I think anybody decent will read it and respond with a degree of care.

If I've ever been in work or in a social setting, I usually panic when I get ask to go out to places. That and going somewhere for the first time. I also bear a grudge on anyone who makes life difficult for me to begin with, and then for some reason they expect me to like them and hang around with them. I never forgive them. People should realise that if they want to be liked and respected, then they should value others. Too many people judge negatively and shun from the beginning. It always feel like I'm "diving into the deep end" whenever I'm new to anywhere.

Who knows though, you may get an unexpected bit of success. Keep trying, and let us know if you manage to progress. I'm still waiting for some luck.
 
Faith198

Faith198

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2020
Messages
1,152
Location
U.S.
I’m sorry you go through this and I can really relate and understand where you’re coming from. I put off driving and having a job for a long long time. I’m still having trouble so I’m starting up therapy again. I take an antidepressant and it has eased a lot of it.

I will still get shaky when talking and freeze up but I can generally carry my conversations a little better now. I also have gained confidence in myself through the years which has helped immensely. I’m still working on it though.

I honestly think if you found a good therapist, you would benefit from that. I’m starting it up again because I still have paralyzing issues with it. There is hope though 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 I know you said therapy didn’t help but if you find a very compassionate patient one, I think it would change your mind.

I also fake a lot of it. I put on a front for people because I don’t want them to know how socially awkward and closed in I am. I don’t want them to read me. So far it has worked (most of the time) but it does get tiring faking it.
 
Argon

Argon

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2019
Messages
659
Location
USA
I didn't work until I was 31. It was impossible to get a job with no job experience. I got a low paying food service job after getting railroaded into a psych hospital. I still had to lie on the application to get it. But it's not like my life went on to be normal.
 
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PeopleRtheWalkingDead2me

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 22, 2018
Messages
75
Location
Texas
How much do you think about the person down the street? ... about as much as they are thinking ‘bout you right now. Get out of the shell. The world is waiting for you to join in.
 
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PeopleRtheWalkingDead2me

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 22, 2018
Messages
75
Location
Texas
I once was lost as you feel now. So I hid away from all that scared me (for 42 years) Then one day I woke up and decided that I wanted to live some of my life on my own terms. What a shock! Don’t hide from life, join in instead
 
Argon

Argon

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2019
Messages
659
Location
USA
I once was lost as you feel now. So I hid away from all that scared me (for 42 years) Then one day I woke up and decided that I wanted to live some of my life on my own terms. What a shock! Don’t hide from life, join in instead
It's not that easy for most people. I've known lots of people on forums like this over the years and some got better only after years of CBT. Others have never gotten better.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
925
atanvardo.....i know how tough social anxiety is, i have it too......have you ever tried self help groups for social anxiety, you can find them on www.meetup.com .....i find them very helpful.....look in to it
 
U

Uno

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
76
Location
england
I went through a similar experience. Lockdown has been a little difficult on practising exposure and not reverting back to avoidant and agoraphobic old habits and tendencies.
Unfortunately the solution that helped me and was the catalyst for change were circumstances out of my control. I wasn't able to hide in my room all day as i had grown accustomed to and became my default, i ended up having several strangers as housemates and going through mandatory training 9-5 mon-fri for a few months in a room full of others which initially was terrifying but over time gradually i got used to the people around me and calmed down enough to socialise a little and then became somewhat comfortable. Although that was a while ago and i am out of practice recently.
 
T

TyFence

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 21, 2020
Messages
202
Location
NorCal
Just remember you are you and very much ok just the way you are. God loves you just the way you are. But if you want more than you have of life right now you are in control and do it or not as you see fit. What I did was go about my life and not say anything until I felt like it. You expressed a desire so do a little about it. College ? High school? Go to a place you feel comfortable with- school or for a hamburger with. The world wants us to have more, but you, whatever you are content with.
 
L

LTV1985

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Manchester
Hey.

Please do not apologize for your post, it is a good step to take to get your feelings of your chest. I have recently shared my feelings too, first time in a long time, and once I made the post I felt a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I have felt like I have been alone for a long time and It was very comforting to know that there are people who do care.

In my mind, every time I think about the bigger picture it scares me too. All of the feelings you have mentioned I can relate to. I try to take daily steps towards a brighter future. Even if it is going for a walk in the morning to help build my strength for that day then that is an achievement. Try to find activities you enjoy, that puts a smile on your face, try to focus on you for now, the rest will follow.
 
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