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Social anxiety Disorder- Job and Relationship



New member
Nov 7, 2019
My name is Crystall and I suffer from diagnosed social anxiety disorder. I have a very low self- estim since I was a child because of the very controling family enviroment. I managed to see a therapist for 2 years when I was 20 years old and felt better. Now I am 24 and since I am a master's student and I dont worj full time I cant visit my therapist anymore.
The last 6 months my social anxiety has sky rocketed. I always fear to go at gatherings with other people or to talk with everyone at work. Because I am a Biomedical student and I do research I always have to speak with my Proffesors and colleugs and I find defficult to voice my needs and my opinions. I always feel underestimated and not respected enough and sometimes thats the case. I feel like everyone is mocking me that I am naive and not a good enough scientist and I want to leave everything behind but I cant because I have to finish my master's and keep my job in the university. My blonde hair and really high pitch voice dont really help with the situation.
The last six months I feel extremely ugly and I cant look myself in the mirror. I was considered a beautiful girl but I dont feel like that anymore. I am 24 yo and I feel like I live and look as a 40 yo lady.
My social anxiety reflects, as I said on my job and studies, but as well on my relationship. I live with my boyfriend for 2 years now. He is a very social person and at the start of our relationship, he was unfaithful and my self-estim was really lowed and my anxiety was sky rocked. FOr 1,5 year we were really good and I was able to trust him again. But the last 6 months, because of my anxiety, I feel really jealous about everything and becase I feel ugly near him (in the past I had a very high self-estim) i dont like to hang out with him and other people beause i feel like i am boring and that he likes to speak with other people more than me. Because I know what abusive relationships are like, i dont want to be the abuser and voice this jealousy, i keep these bad thoughts in my head and i feel more and more unatractive, ugly and unworthy.
As these situations, escalate sometimes I feel suicidal and I dont know what to do. Along with that, i have many deadlines for my master's and my job that i cant seem to catch a break to focuse on my self.
I know it is a very long text but i really wanted to voice my problem and thoughts. Excuse my English as well.


Well-known member
May 14, 2019
In a galaxy, far far away..
Hi :welcome:

If your boyfriend is a sociable type, then he could really be helping you in social situations. Believe me, social skill is something you can improve, if you practice. It's about confidence, being comfortable with yourself, and a bit less self-conscious.

As for your academic/professional relationships, that does sound like a confidence of self-esteem issue. I've suffered for my whole life from this, and also social anxiety. I still do really, but it was much, much worse when I was younger. If I have doubts about my ability and compare myself to other people, I remind myself that my opinion is just as valid as anyone else's. And also that my knowledge allows me to do a good job. You will quite often find that even though someone seems very confident, and can voice their opinion well, they're not necessarily correct, or have the right idea. You must try and believe that your idea is just as good, and maybe better. I know it's difficult. Again this is something that gets easier with time and practice.