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Social anxiety causing agoraphobia

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Darby

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Nov 9, 2013
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175
or is it depression because I don't want to go out because I'm afraid of other people's judgements yet I know from past experiences over the last year that those judgements become a lot less strong after being outside for at least 30 minutes in the public.

Though unless you've been engaged in talking to someone i.e. a therapist I've found that social anxiety comes in and you just want to get home. Though when I used to see a therapist and I would have to leave the house then it wasn't until I spoke to her and had the 1 hour session of non stop talking and being asked questions and expressing yourself to someone who isn't family. Gives you a lot of confidence and even makes you think how silly you were to be afraid to leave the house because you realize how your fears were non existent.

So you get home and you feel confident enough to leave the house again but you don't want to, you feel you've done enough today and the next day, you've got nowhere to go anyway and some fear has returned from that boost of confidence so you stay in again. Even if you go out again only a few days after therapy the confidence has all gone. Why?

Well I think it comes back to having that conversation with the therapist, you were talking freely and enjoying it and it left you feeling less self-conscious and more active. So that's great, isn't it? Well not really because it's that therapists job to talk to you to begin with. So what if you have no interest in talking about anything unless its about talking about yourself, not in an egotistical way but just because you need to get some stuff out of your system and your head.

I don't see a therapist anymore because things weren't progressing, we basically went through the same rountine of me going evey week then on that day, having leaving the session a lot more confident and positive then as 6 days go by and the next session is up, you go and feel anxious again and your right back at the start.

So the idea of getting a job makes sense because you can sustain the momentum of confidence of which you get by being a therapists session but if you're just not proned to wanting to have any conversations because your depressed and have no external interests in anything then that fear remains at your job, I know because I've had to leave jobs before because I was so shy and was barely speaking. It's all good on the first day because you have stuff to talk about but what about 20 days later when you enter the building of work and you've got nothing to say to anybody other than hi. You're once again isolated and you go home and the fear builds and you're afraid again.

Sure you can now leave the house everyday but you're not really tackling the problem properly, you're just putting up with a very terrible life really.

So what if social anxiety causing agoraphobia because your afraid to leave the house due to fear of other people... so you overcome that by just "doing it" and realizing your fears aren't as real as you thought. then you're left with depression and poor social skills to interact and talk with people what normal people do on a daily day at the job, wherever they work.

Then paranoia that you had to begin with and the reason you didn't leave the house because of fears of what people thought of you come back because you're at your job and your quiet and you're boring and depressing and you feel people are ashamed to be around you. This paranoia leaves you jobless in the end but it all comes down to being able to and wanting to talk with somebody. Like speaking to a therapist for an hour that gives you a lot of confidence but then what, you've got nothing to maintain that sense of conversation on a daily basis. It just isn't impossible if your mind is depressed, if your ability or even your need to talk to people is not present.

Not sure what I'm getting at here, well actually I guess its the ever lasting circle of failure that I've encountered with jobs and the fact i've been jobless for nearly 2 years now and that I need to look about to signing with the job centre again. Therapy obviously doesn't help me and my GP hasn't spoken to me in like 6 months, I actually think I've been forgotten by every professional I've seen so far, I've been thrown some out of work benefits and left to my own making. The only and I mean the only option I have if I want to make yet again another step towards freedom of MH is to sign on the job centre because then I've got requirements, I HAVE to leave the house no matter how scared I am and I have to face my fears otherwise be sanctioned. This also offers the ability to speak to people again but only about applying to jobs and stuff and they hardly care about you anyway. But it's the only way I can make a move forward... there's litteratly no other alternative.

I can try again to overcome my problems and aged 21 I have no choice but to accept the likely possibility that I will have to just deal with the problems myself and live perhaps an unhappy life as a working man. As long as I can get a solid job where I know I have an income coming in then that's all that matters at the end of the day. It's just about all the minutes and hours of that working day where you have to deal with your social anxiety and OCD and any other problems without any sense of getting better, just dealing with it.

The everlasting circle of not getting better has one fault in it and that's I've never had a job for longer than 12 months and I've had around 5 jobs. So if I can get that job and stick at it for longer than 12 months and then 24 months and so on. I will then be able to afford my own place enventually and then live in misery but that is better than being housebound and potentially being a burden to family.

Does anybody have any thoughts or advice on taking the next step towards the job centre (Again). Or any suggestions on anything else I've said.

thanks

darby.
 
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Darby

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Nov 9, 2013
Messages
175
If any admin sees this please delete this post. Kind of ashamed at the lack of directness in this post, I've not reread it but I think it's something that not only doesn't make much sense but should really stay inside my mind. There was no flow in it's writing just my typical overthinking ... thinking itself and alas you get a pretty stupid post. So please remove it and let my mind rest easy that this junk isn't laying around, thank you.
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Apr 1, 2015
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744
Sorry, i know you wanted the thread deleted. But i just wanted to say that cycle you explained made a hell of alot of sense to me and i can entirely relate to it. Unfortunately, im lacking on the adivce side of things. But you've articulated quite well something ive found hard to explain/understand so thank you.
I think you should speak to another therapist and explain this cycle. Explain that it seems like life is just about managing the anxiety/depression etc and nothing actually seems to get any better. Surely something should stop the cycle? I know you said therapy doesnt help you but maybe theres a different type that would? I havent started therapy yet so i can't really relate on thst side of things.
Im 24 and ive had 9diff jobs longest ive been in a job is nearly 2 years. Only had short periods of unemployment (2/3/4 months) but its definately harder to get back into once you've had that time off. Like i say i haven't got much advice as for the job center thing i personally would probably just do like what you explained. Force myself into the situation. Realise it isnt quite as scary but just spend the rest of the time managing that anxious/depressive part.
But i dont think this is the right way to live for either of us.
I hope the thread doesnt get deleted and someone can advise you better.
 
Unique1

Unique1

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The thread makes a lot of sense to me too ! X
 
Unique1

Unique1

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In fact a large part of what you say here could be me....
 
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cally75

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Oct 22, 2014
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cumbria, uk
This rang a bell with me as well pal.
The first 5 or 10mins of being outdoors are the worst.
I'm exactly the same. I used to have a job outdoors & dealing with over 200 customers a day & I was good. Done that 4yrs, don't know why I ever left.

It wasn't especially well paid but it gave me self respect & confidence.
Ten years later & I haven't worked since. Worst thing I ever done!
I'm sure a lot of people can relate to your problem
 
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Dazmond71

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Nov 21, 2014
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Yorkshire, England
Hi mate, totally understand where you are coming from. I suffer with severe social anxiety on the back of BPD and Dysthymia and if effects me every day.

The small talk I just can't do, I've tried everything drugs, alcohol which were the only things that took the edge off it but I would get so drunk and so out of it & I would also make a fool of myself. Not held a job down for over seven years because of the anxiety I experienced in the workplace and tried to avoid social gatherings altogether but that made me stick out even more so just got smashed again.

I'm back in control of the drink, but still really struggling with the whole work thing and I've tried everything.

Hope you have a great day

Daz
 
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Darby

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Nov 9, 2013
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175
Thanks for all the replies, I wanted it removed (and still do) because there's not many threads that get started here and it could be stuck on this page for months if not over a year!

The support is very welcome though so thanks again.
 
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cally75

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Oct 22, 2014
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719
Location
cumbria, uk
Thanks for all the replies, I wanted it removed (and still do) because there's not many threads that get started here and it could be stuck on this page for months if not over a year!

The support is very welcome though so thanks again.
Why would u want it removed pal when it's made sense to loads of people!?
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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If you still want the post removed, click on the report post button and fill in the form.
Hopefully mods/admin will be able to help.
 
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