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Social anxiety and toxic relationships

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shrinkingviolet218

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Joined
Aug 19, 2014
Messages
10
Has anyone else noticed a link between their SA and the quality of the relationships they have been attracting. All my life my low self-esteem has led me to be a loser magnet but my last relationship was the pinnacle. Not only was he emotionally and physically abusive, he also personified the height of narcissism. My social anxiety made it easier for him because I was already isolated and had noone to confide in or to notice that I was not okay. Has anyone else noticed that social anxiety fuels bad relationship choices?
 
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Helena1

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Oct 11, 2014
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no.

i hope you have got rid of him now.
 
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Broddo_Faggins

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Jul 10, 2014
Messages
33
yes, and not just with a partner. projecting low self esteem makes you more attainable. weak men are less likely to approach a confident person, but that's obvious. On the other hand, a relationship where they're able to dominate, get a boost to their ego is gonna be attractive to cruel, prickish types. As far as it fueling bad relationship choices I think going for the 'he can look after me' type isn't a good idea also, dunno if that's a factor, it's a minefield.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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13,531
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I think Broddo could be onto something. It's far easier to dominate and control someone who doesn't appear very confident.
I have had the same experience - any man i've had involvement with has been really bad and I do think it's because of my anxiety giving off a vibe of powerlessness.
 
mixtape02

mixtape02

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Dec 23, 2014
Messages
28
Yes. My ex had BPD and I felt provoked to "strike back" when she'd yell at me and push me to the edge. I've come to realize they sometimes have a host of narcissistic traits, and prey on vulnerable people. Like Broddo said, we tend to have low self-esteem. This encourages them to stab at your character, which makes them feel like the "winner" when they explode on you and create fights because they're in "hate" mode. And then they switch to fake, gussied-up adoration and "love" when they're in "love" mode because they just want to win your affections and not let you leave.
 
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lovagemuffin

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Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
yes I used go but the good new is you can change it! and you seem like you don't suffer fools gladly.
its a minefield!
 
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Blob7

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May 17, 2016
Messages
29
I agree with Broddo_Faggins, mostly because I used to be that sort of man myself. But not because I was "weak". Rather because I had such lifelong low self-esteem myself. I think when we use the term "weak" to describe someone, we should have a definition ready to support it. Not all weak men are cruel pricks. Some are just plain debilitated by a lifelong struggle to survive the emasculating baggage of a poor upbringing. To call a cruel, dominating man "weak" is tantamount to handing him an excuse for his behaviour, and there is none.
 
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naominash

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Mar 26, 2016
Messages
2,606
Location
North Carolina
Funny,

I remember my abusive husband first approached me, he said, because I seemed like I wouldn't reject him.

In other words, I looked maleable and sweet.

But I now want someone who will want me because I ooze self-confidence and act like the sexiest woman in the world who knows it.
 
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handheart

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2016
Messages
48
Well this its normal because anxiety fuel bad relationhip and bad relationhip fuel anxiety .As dealing with SA you must avoid toxic relationship because this will not help you with your anxiety and it will agravate it
 
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