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So used to being depressed!

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george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
101
Location
UK
Is it weird that I've kind of accepted that being depressed is a part of me and that I am reluctant to persevere with treatment because I'm so not used to not feeling miserable that it seems abnormal? I feel that I am a non entity, I don't count and I'm nothing and when I seek treatment and start to feel better about myself then I feel like a fraud and that I don't deserve to feel positive and good about myself. I don't know if this makes any sense but it's how I feel at the moment. I've just started back on antidepressants but am considering stopping them as I don;t feel it's any point trying to recover, I don't feel worthy of treatment. Sorry everyone x
 
Cyborg101

Cyborg101

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 25, 2020
Messages
275
Location
UK
@george81 We are all worth it I have been depressed for 28yrs anti depressants don’t work for me so I just get on with it
 
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treasurebox

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
117
Location
Philippines
You deserve to get out of depression. It would be good for you to continue with your medication. I have heard that listening to good music is therapeutic and it helps you get your spirit up.

I have tried listening to good music myself and it helped me. I listen to the following songs almost everyday:

Overcomer by Mandisa
Good Morning by Mandisa
Fearless by Jasmine Murray
I believe I can Fly by R. Kelly
Happy by Pharrell Williams

They are all on youtube.
Also, one thing that helped is doing what I am good at. In my case, writing. What are you good at? Is it doing arts and crafts, cooking, baking. Whatever it is, do it. It will be good for you. It will create positive energy to you. It will make you happy.

Also, helping others like volunteering, donating, tutoring or coaching and others ways you can help will be good for you too. It will make you happy.

Remember, depression is temporary. It is not permanent. You were born to be an overcomer. You were born to be free and to be happy.
 
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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
1,061
Location
England
I can relate to that. I feel if I was better then it would not make sense as my illness makes up my personality. Please do not stop your medication. Give them a chance and see if they do anything. When depressed it is hard to see any way out but it is just the depression talking. You are worthy of help.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
2,869
Location
Pyongyang, DPRK
This doesn't sound good at all. Is it weird? Maybe not. But is it good? Definitely not. Depression is a mental health condition that you suffer from, and that affects you - it's not who you are. Once you try to incorporate depression as part of your identity, you're actually making it all worse for yourself, as well as making it far harder for you to recover.

The question you have in front for you is this: either you continue as you are, accept that nothing will ever happen, and have this govern your life for you without a way out. Or, you accept that you want and need help, and work hard to make things better? So many people in your position have realised this, received the support they needed, and gone on to live happy lives, and you can to, if you want to.

You're the only person who can make this decision for you. I've known people in your position that have chosen to get better, and they're doing amazing right now. I've known people in your position that continue to do what you did, and they've effectively ruined their lives and lost everyone and almost everything. You still have the time to make things right. Don't throw your life away - realise that what you're doing isn't normal and that there is a real way out for you!x

Sorry if this comes across as direct, but like I said, I know people who've continued to do what you're saying, and I really wouldn't want that same thing to happen to you <3
 
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Mert

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 19, 2020
Messages
69
Location
San Diego
Of course what you are saying makes sense, it is your honest statement about where you are with your mental health at the moment I feel for you. I just want you to know that even though I can't be there with you to give you a hug I am sending hugs your way. :hug: I have major depression and agoraphobia so I understand what it is like to be depressed. I am on meds and go to therapy too. Have you ever tried an online NAMI meeting? I find them helpful so I don't feel like all i do is live under my covers. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Mert :)
 
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Prevailer

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 11, 2019
Messages
283
Location
Stafforshire
The mind is difficult thing to gain control of.The fact that one is aware and experiences this fact proves the point.I have found that I need to do mental exercises inorder to renew/rewire my brain.They do work.The more one understands how one works mentally the more one can control ones emotional state (moods).
There are number of exercises which I do, some of which I will try to explain below.
1.Internally taking/listening to oneself.It is so important that one takes notice of our own internal voice and strengthens this awareness.
2.There is gap between our thoughts.This gap is full of silence.Try to NOTICE the gap between ones thoughts more and more.The gap will get longer as one becomes more aware of it.
3.There are 2 parts to our mental make up.There is the looking/seeing mind (in silence) or observing mind and there is the listening/hearing mind.Thoughts are associated with both.Try to be more aware of this.As part of this process notice that there is the engaging/moving mind (in thought) and the non engaging mind/still mind (in thought).Try to be more aware of this as well.
4.When one closes ones eyes in meditation notice where ones focus is.If ones internal focus isn’t on the forehead then recalibrate, bring ones focus back in synch.
5.Try not to ALWAYS subconsciously ENGAGE with the thoughts that means one disappears within ones head or goes missing.One needs to be consciously aware of when this happens so that one can DISENGAGE and wear the body again.
6.All emotions are caused by internal thoughts or external information received via the five senses.One is not a thought, one just has thoughts.One needs to know how one interacts with thoughts.i.e the engaging/disengaging process.
7.One needs to be GROUNDED.I use the following analogy to explain what I mean.Imagine ones physical body as a pair of overalls that one needs to put on.Practice putting on ones body and in so doing practice being more AWARE of ones five senses.
8.Practice bringing all the above together but don’t force it...it should come naturally once one has trained the brain.
 
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JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
769
It makes sense to me. It sounds like the problem is that you do not like your self. It is your way of punishing yourself. You need to break free of this thought process and understand you are a good person who deserves to feel well. We all have faults. It's important to love yourself as well as others.
 
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george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
101
Location
UK
Thank you everyone for your kind replies. I think I'm now nearly 3 weeks into treatment and not feeling any effects at all. Nothing's changed and I feel exactly the same. I know it's early days yet and to give at least 6 weeks before the medication might take effect. The way I feel now is still to come off the medication as I don;t feel worthy of feeling 'better' or positive about myself. I feel like utter scum and worthless and don;t have a purpose here. I don;t know who I am, I seem to change depending on who I'm with and don;t have a permanent personality. I am boring and pointless and just coasting through life. Thank you all for being here to read this drivel and I do appreciate you all for taking to time to reply to me. Love to you all! x
 
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JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
769
You have great worth and value. We care about you here. You are a valuable person. Try to feel better and think about positive things you can do to help others.
 
Bluebox11

Bluebox11

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 17, 2020
Messages
106
Location
Long eaton Nottingham
I've had that feeling that depression is a part of who I am and my personality. However I would continue taking the medication because you might start to feel better and the depression will not be so prominent. I would also think about doing positive exercises to build up your mood. You deserve to get better and feel good.
 
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JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
769
I feel like depression is just part of my life now. It has been going on for so long without much relief. Some days are better than others. I wish it was not part of my life. It is very difficult for me to rid myself of it, at this point.
 
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Prevailer

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 11, 2019
Messages
283
Location
Stafforshire
I feel like depression is just part of my life now. It has been going on for so long without much relief. Some days are better than others. I wish it was not part of my life. It is very difficult for me to rid myself of it, at this point.
Try and analyse what is causing your depression.Physical emotions/feelings that you become emerged in ONLY happen as a result of YOU engaging with certain types of thoughts.THOUGHTS cause physical emotions in the mind / body and can cause severe depression.You are being KIDNAPPED by you thoughts.Nothing else can.As you are not your thoughts you just have thoughts,STOP engaging with them.The only way one can do this is learn to bring yourself into the moment which is a completely separate consciousness state to the engaging with the (thoughts) consciousness state.I will try to explain this further if you don't understand.
 
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george81

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 21, 2019
Messages
101
Location
UK
Thank you all for your kind replies. I am still on the medication but no change really, in fact my self harm has increased slightly in the last few weeks. I still feel like everyone hates me and I constantly look for evidence about my thoughts and all I'm finding is that my thoughts are true! No one really wants me here and all I do i make poor decisions and annoy people and bring them down. I don't to be here anymore x
 
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