SO stressed

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Tabby 88

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#1
so tired. Cat crying for i don't know what. Makes me feel guilty. I don't have enough for her, energy. I am tired. I am scared i need to get work asap. People putting pressure on me.
 
T

Tabby 88

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#2
At the moment i feel like my anxiety is too high, eating junk, too much coffee, too much pressure on myself from myself all day every day anyway. I spend money to improve my life, big purchases, but what life? I don't know that i even have one? No people around. I don't get invited to much and that is so sad because they know life is hard for me and i am alone, i can get to where they will be, two friends of mine. It is a long journey for me but i wish i would be invited.

I am showered with presents but not time. I go out on my own, and it is exhausting and lonely.

My mates kids last week, they were all trying to talk to me at once, all trying to hold my hand and i felt so special. Kids grow up though. What an honour to have their love and that they love being with me but people do get sick of me and then i lose them and their kids. Lose as in i don't hardly see them.

I am feeling sorry for myself but there is so much to be sad about. I am lucky, but i don't see people for 2-3 days at a time which is not long for some people but for me it is very hard to have gone all day today not speaking to anyone. I call them and they cannot wait to get off the phone.

I need to have a dinner, a shower and wash my hair. There is so much cleaning to do but i am so tired. I also feel uneasy lately mentally, like i am getting ill again but also i am ok. I am bored and lonely and on top of that the UC worries. I have not migrated over yet but when i do, if i lose all money, i am worried about being forced to work jobs they choose for me to work. Worried about sanctions. Housing benefit. Always worrying.

If you are not seeing a psychiatrist, you cannot be that ill. I worry they will say that. I don't want to see one ever. Then i will not be able to stay off work will i.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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#3
hello x
just a quick post in relation to the last part of your post about you cannot be ill if you are not seeing a psychiatrist
that is so not true trust me

there are all sorts of reasons people get discharged and handed back to their gp

if you need UC- you will get it i am confident
i know that there are scary stories but if you are too poorly to work then you just are and that is it

im sorry if this isn't very helpful but i wanted to reply
lots of love to you and your cat
Lu x
 
T

Tabby 88

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#4
hello x
just a quick post in relation to the last part of your post about you cannot be ill if you are not seeing a psychiatrist
that is so not true trust me

there are all sorts of reasons people get discharged and handed back to their gp

if you need UC- you will get it i am confident
i know that there are scary stories but if you are too poorly to work then you just are and that is it

im sorry if this isn't very helpful but i wanted to reply
lots of love to you and your cat
Lu x
It's very helpful Lu thank you, just to talk to someone and hear their point of view. I know you are right but you have to hear somebody else say it. I'm not well enough yet and if i could do more, i would. I am doing my best for myself and for my cat. I have already given my dog to mum to look after which is some pressure off. :)
 
burt tomato

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#5
When I told my dad I was going to quit he got angry. He said I don't look like I have a mental health condition. That's it, people don't see it, it is an invisible disability.
 
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Tabby 88

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#6
When I told my dad I was going to quit he got angry. He said I don't look like I have a mental health condition. That's it, people don't see it, it is an invisible disability.
I think to my family i seem intelligent and capable, as they always look surprised when i say i am tired today or whatever i complain about. These comments have always annoyed me so i try not to say anything about how i am feeling, give any excuses, and say i have a cold coming on or a headache i use often.

Maybe you hide how you are feeling and your energy levels well. I have heard so many times on documentaries how people say they had no idea their dead friend was suicidal. That is interesting because maybe it is not always visible.

Everybody i know who has returned to work has said that when working, they don't live. They spend all weekend sleeping, sleep in the evenings, eat junk because they are so tired, don't wash properly and their flat gets more and more untidy. Clearly many cannot manage everything. There is such a thing as a partial recovery, residual symptoms, sub-threshold symptoms and all those words that i have read. I think the dwp do recognise that because they said that i was functioning on a basic level and found me unfit for work or work related activity. It is still a worry though, especially in terms of pip i feel, although i might be wrong.

I would like to work part-time or half hours per day but i would not be able to support myself. I could not earn enough because i can no longer work the jobs that pay higher. I am sure someone will realise this at some point. They talk about UC and people being able to work a bit and keep some benefits, but if you work a bit, do you not then have to move to the wrag equivalent? or even be found fit for work completely, even though you cannot manage it?

I think i personally need to ignore people like my brother's friend, who knows virtually nothing about me, and stick with how i feel. I am worried and keen to get work before a job centre advisor forces me to work in poundland, because they can force us to work where they choose, and if we refuse, we are sanctioned. My cousins friend has been told she has to work as a carer which is the last job she would be able to do. I cannot do it though, i cannot even think of something that would allow me to go home to sleep for 1-2 hours every afternoon, get up late, be slow in the morning, and at night feel sick from medication. It really doesn't seem possible right now. I am on a small amount of medication now but still i have these problems. The mood being low in the morning is the depression mixed with medication side-effects.

It is a complicated situation. I hate that so much of my life is spent thinking and worrying about something i simply cannot do as things stand. A new role needs creating. I am so bored, so lonely, so broke, but i am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Out of the frying pan, into the fire. :eek2:

:havingabeer:
 
burt tomato

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#7
It is interesting to hear your thoughts. I thought I was escaping the benefits system by starting a job. But it is too hard.

I would still like to work, but something different. Maybe support work for the disabled. Help them with their daily lives. It might be fun. Also support work does not have personal care involved like care work.

Do you think you could do something like that? Work can be fun too, I enjoyed working in a charity shop as a volunteer, becuase it was always fun to chat to people. when I volunteered in an office, it was horrible, lol, a bit like the reality of working.
 
T

Tabby 88

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#8
It is interesting to hear your thoughts. I thought I was escaping the benefits system by starting a job. But it is too hard.

I would still like to work, but something different. Maybe support work for the disabled. Help them with their daily lives. It might be fun. Also support work does not have personal care involved like care work.

Do you think you could do something like that? Work can be fun too, I enjoyed working in a charity shop as a volunteer, becuase it was always fun to chat to people. when I volunteered in an office, it was horrible, lol, a bit like the reality of working.
Yes i do. I think it would have to be the right job but i would also need time off or less hours. I could not do what i used to do. People say i will surprise myself and once i get into work, after the first few weeks i will feel better than ever. I actually did work for a long time in between times of being more unwell. I worked for an agency and so when i could not work, i didn't. I live at home so had no money worries. Now i have rent to pay and bills to pay, but even so, i don't think i could get up, have breakfast, get dressed for work and go out, drive there, get there and work all day. I would be in desperate need for an hour's kip once i got there. I would feel sick with exhaustion eventually.

I have been stuck out at a train station recently, missed my train home and was ready to go into the shop and buy a bottle of something to cope with the stress of missing that train. I'd only been out for two hours and was only going for a relaxing day out on my own, not far from home.

With dwp, that is only 1 or 2 points and impossible to prove.

I'm tired of thinking about the whole thing. I am bored, need a life, fulfillment, pride in myself and for people to be proud of me, but i am not able yet. Volunteering is going to be the only way to get anything positive in my life because if i am depending on myself for money, i will have a breakdown before i even get started.

Support worker i would like but not for mental health. I am happy to work with adults with special needs but not mental illness. ASD and those types, yes, but not the depressoion, bipolar and similar. It is too close to home.
 
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PeopleRtheWalkingDead2me

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#9
I've always had a cat... What does that mean? Dum Dum is my current one, yeah he's or it's dumb! that's for sure. Good mouser though. God I wish life for us was that simple. Sometimes I wander through nature and play with birds. They'll play with you did you know that? They will. And we think we're so smart!
 
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George10111

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#11
I'm really stressed out too. I've got bills that are more expensive then I can afford, parents that I feel hate me and are disappointed in me that want me out of their life, house is falling apart, health is falling apart, and I ponder suicide. I'm not putting a pity on myself I'm just saying believe me I feel your pain. I hope yours isn't as bad as mine. I try to realize that its temporary and that there are good times ahead in life and thats literally all that gets me through each day sometimes. Hang in there, email me a personal message if you'd like
 
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T

Tabby 88

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#12
Do you live alone George? Bills i am ok with right now but i am worried about the future as i am not working and cannot see a time soon where i could work.

I am happy enough at home and the cat keeps me company. Family are ok but i don't see many of them because i have been through years of stress with them. I keep three in my life and the others hardly any contact.

Suicidal feelings are not nice to live with but the cat, and also my dog is living with my mum, they are a responsibility of mine so that helps to keep my mind on a job that needs doing. I need to make sure they are fed and healthy and since i bought a kitten, my mind switched from how to die, to how much food i have in and how much litter i have, what i need to buy next. It changed overnight. :)

Do you work? Working brings stress but also so many positives, but i cannot move from this position because i am worried about anything going wrong. I am very relived, and surprised, that i haven't killed myself by accident.
 
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George10111

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#13
I live with my parents and I really don't know how I'll ever move out. The economy just seems like a rigged game, especially for single young men like myself. I'm thinking eventually I'll buy one of those camper trailers and set up camp somewhere out of city limits, the mountains my backyard, no neighbors but still close enough to family and city if something went wrong I could get help lol. I have two private jobs. I couldn't work with others right now. My social anxiety is way too bad to work around others so I work all alone.
 
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George10111

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#14
I get along well with the rest of my family. A little awkward with my parents and still can't quite figure out how they feel about me. The problem I've had with working at public places is with superiors or wanna be superiors. People who have a small position of authority have power tripped all over me and it pissed me off too much. They took their little supervisor position at McDonalds way too seriously and were delusional enough to think they're king, queen. Anyway sorry about the rant
 
T

Tabby 88

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#15
In jobs like that, you will get supervisors who usually are just the ones who shout the loudest and are too confident, on the outside. Inside, many of those people go home and cry. A good manager will not treat others bad. Or do you have problems with authority figures? I don't like being told what to do by those women who just walk over and say 'do your buttons up all the way' and walk off.
 
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Tabby 88

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#16
I lost my long edit and it was very good. I basically said that you need to act like you don't care, but the best way is not to care. If someone is treating you badly, it is their issue, not yours. You can put in a complaint but you need to do it calmly and rationally, maturely, and say that she is a good manager, but speaks to people rudely and lots of other staff members have noticed and are not happy here. I'm just letting you know because other members of staff might end up leaving. Maybe she needs some training or counselling or help with something.

That is the cold way. You could say that if she ever needs to talk, you have a good ear. She seems stressed and you are concerned.

It is hard, people are hard work but it is their issue and not yours, almost always. We all crash into each other with our issues.
 
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