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So much sadness & confusion

L

LTV1985

Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
19
Location
Manchester
It has been a few months since I have been on the website. The first time I joined the forum, a few months back, is because I hit rock bottom. The strength I gained from support and inspiration from others on this forum was overwhelming. Having the platform to speak my feelings without been judged was a brief of fresh air. A lot of times in my life I have thought I was stable, over my anxiety and depression but yet here I find myself again at rock bottom. It is the story of my life really, not learning from my past vices which trigger my anxiety and depression. The only solace I find is been on this website.

My last low feeling was a few months ago. Day by day, entry by entry I felt I was getting stronger mentally. Stronger to a point where I thought I no longer need express my feelings as I am cured. Even mentioning that statement has upset me, Cured! Anxiety and depression in not something that can be hear one day and gone the next, it is an illness that many of us have and I will have for the rest of my life. I need to understand what gets me this way and how I deal with it. Reading other peoples trials and tribulations on this website does help. I don't mean that to sound in bad taste. I mean that it is hard to talk to my family and friends about my illness. Over the years I have bottled it up and the results are catastrophic.

The recent trigger was caused by a number of things. I have just started a new job recently, which has had a change with my surroundings. My previous job, I knew the role, the people and had a confidant I could talk with. We shared the same experience of dealing with anxiety and depression. Now in my new job, I don't know the role, I don't know the people and I have no one to talk with, I find myself sitting on my own not able to discuss my thoughts. I had a bad panic attack on Monday been at work, so many thoughts going around my head, I had to leave the building. Another reason I left the building was because it was my birthday on the Monday.

Birthdays, in my mind, are supposed to be a time of celebration, spending time with your family & friends, but yet I had none of that. My thoughts were with my father who I have lost in my life. Questions asking myself what have I achieved in life. In my mind the answer to that is very little. I am in a job I do not like, I have pushed all my closes friends and family away, I have no qualifications to change my job situation, I have no children, I have no money, I could go on and on.

I don't know who I am? What is the true meaning of life? If I have no future prospects what is the point?

Been having the platform to get this of my chest is a massive help. Now it is up to me to go back to the drawing board and learn what made me strong in the past and pick myself up again from rock bottom.

To whom that read this thread and to whom that don't. I wish you all the love and happiness in the world.

ATK
 
S

Sara_1978

Well-known member
Joined
May 15, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Midlands
Hi. Iv found great strength from this forum too....I’m hoping it will help me more and more to be able to live with this anxiety as like you say I don’t think I will ever be cured of it.
Good luck getting strong again, you’ve done it before so can do it again x
 
G

gam9147

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
369
Location
Delaware, USA
So happy to hear you are doing much better.

Small note, birthdays like with many other occasions aren't "supposed to be" anything really, just because we feel like society expects us to be something on a certain day doesn't mean we are.

People are "supposed to be" happy on their birthday, when in reality, it causes much depression and anxiety, I think there is even a statistic about death rates around people's birthdays, its a time of stress that one thing is certain.

Release expectations on yourself to be how you are any day :) especially on your birthday you deserve the right to feel any way you choose :)
 
L

LTV1985

Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
19
Location
Manchester
Hi. Iv found great strength from this forum too....I’m hoping it will help me more and more to be able to live with this anxiety as like you say I don’t think I will ever be cured of it.
Good luck getting strong again, you’ve done it before so can do it again x
Morning Sara_1978
Thank you for reaching out and thank you for your kind words. We can both agree that the forum does help and reading your message this morning has given me strength to be involved with this day x
 
L

LTV1985

Member
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
19
Location
Manchester
So happy to hear you are doing much better.

Small note, birthdays like with many other occasions aren't "supposed to be" anything really, just because we feel like society expects us to be something on a certain day doesn't mean we are.

People are "supposed to be" happy on their birthday, when in reality, it causes much depression and anxiety, I think there is even a statistic about death rates around people's birthdays, its a time of stress that one thing is certain.

Release expectations on yourself to be how you are any day :) especially on your birthday you deserve the right to feel any way you choose :)
Morning gam9147
Thank you for reaching out and your supportive words. It always nice to get to hear peoples perspective on situations and yours is no exception.
I like to turn to quotes in situations of difficulty
"Release expectations on yourself to be how you are and day, especially on your birthday, you deserve the right to feel any way you choose."
I will certainty be using your quote for strength today, thank you.
 
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