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So mixed up

RainbowHeartz

RainbowHeartz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 25, 2013
Messages
13,273
Sending hugs

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Hope you feel better soon topcat

Thinking of you xx

Sometimes good to write it out even if it's deleted xx

Ally xx
 
T

Taff

Guest
Hey there TC,

I am having a really had enough day, as well, sending the magic carpet round to the front door, lets fly off to jellybean land xxxx:hug1:
stay safe and I am about for a rant if you want to talk or just want a hug. Wish I could take it away for you, xxxx
 
T

Topcat

Guest
Just want the lamotrigine to make me feel better.
I'd got used to how things were. Now I'm different one day to the next.
Happy (once). Sad. Wired. Tired. Acting like a 'C U next Tuesday with my family & house. Hungry. Angry. And new ones... doped up, unsteady, forgetful, not there, and the worst is just blank, nothing - no feeling.
After a brief show up at the wedding, we did a runner as a friend was having a BBQ. When we were there, I didn't feel depressed, I didn't feel anything, just sat there, tried to socialise and failed.
Went home.
I forgot to say thank you.
Today I've been a f**king bitch and lunatic. Now I just feel shit.
None of this seems important, so apologies for whining.
X
 
Death8699

Death8699

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2013
Messages
208
Location
Chicago
No apology needed, I was on Lamictal and got a bad rash from it, so I had to go off of it completely. Lithium made me foggy and bloated, Tegretol made my blood cell count too low, Depakote depressed me like hell and the only one that's worked for me for years now is the Neurontin.

I can relate to those feelings. I wouldn't stew about how you're feeling today, just you're a person with this problem and hey, it takes a long time to start to feel better. With Latuda it was almost immediate for me, but the 6 others, it took a LONG time.

It is important for you to talk about these things because it gets it out of your system and you're among other people who understand how you may be feeling. It's just a known, besides, there are other meds you can try for your mood to see the one that feels right for you...
 
T

Topcat

Guest
Thanks.
Just can't do 'this' today ('this' being living here doing the usual)
I want to move out.
Being here has been so detrimental to so much this past 2+ years, I just don't want the responsibility any more.
I'm rarely nice to live with.
I can't keep up with what I've got right now, but need things to change. I need to keep moving forward, but can't manage anything. New job. Study. Etc.
Just a f**king faliure at everything.
:low:
 
Death8699

Death8699

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2013
Messages
208
Location
Chicago
You're not a failure because if you were, you probably wouldn't even be existing at all at this point. If you need to move out, do it. I don't have the "whole" picture, so I'm just basing it on what you've said.

Do you do any therapy? I thought it a joke for a long time, it's like paying for a friend is what I used to think of it. But it's not, it's actually helping me and I'm with a counselor that knows his "stuff."

You'll be fine in time, try to be positive, don't dwell in the sea of negativity because it'll make life even worse than worth living at all. You seem to have positive qualities even though you don't see them maybe.

Give yourself some peace and try to live it up to the best of your ability. Not preaching, just a psychological explanation of how to better deal with your situation.
 
GoghTardis

GoghTardis

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2013
Messages
969
Location
USA
I am sorry you feel like a failure, been there.

I think that Death (Ryan) has a point. Meds. You may need a switch. You might want to try my nutty combination of adding Adderall to wake up but I think the Haldol is helping a ton with the rage issues for me too. Like Ryan said meds!

Hang in there fellow working mommy! :hug1:
 
Death8699

Death8699

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 1, 2013
Messages
208
Location
Chicago
Lol, glad that people are actually listening. I've been on so much medications since '97...and did my share of doctor/therapy shopping. I know what pills are good for trying, especially the new ones.

They don't work for everyone, Latuda works for me, but other people have said that it made them "crazy" or that it interacts with their current cocktail.

Attitude has a lot to do with getting better...if you're feeling shitty, it's tough to be positive. But trying to do it anyway is an accomplishment. I'll admit that I'm negative at times, but I realize it.

This is I think what we all especially want out of life is: "to win, to survive..." -Rambo II
 
bobshocker

bobshocker

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Mar 13, 2011
Messages
2,497
Location
UK
Monster Munch - Pickled Onion Flavour

Get the multi-pack.

I dunno if it works, it might.

or Smarties.

Either way, the most important thing.

Sleep.

Sleep will work. DK Tomorrow, call in sick, switch your phone off. Lock the door.

Sleep, its the only thing I know that works.

I call it Zedland cos you get your zzzz's in.

After a decent sleepy, things seem a little better.

Night All One a night. Your man here takes 5 of them.

Zoplicone just leaves that metal taste
 
T

Topcat

Guest
Thanks x
Sleep is something I don't have trouble with, especially since starting the meds. Even when hyper, if I make myself go to bed and can shut my eyes I get to sleep.
Actually I went back to bed & slept more before dinner earlier. I had just screamed at the kids, ripped up a toasted cheese sandwich and chucked it violently round the kitchen ranting like a mad bitch. Just because my 3yr old said he didn't want a toastie, he wanted cheese on toast.
Great reaction. And not unusual in my world.
If you were a little kid, how would this make you feel? And learn to behave?
My husband asks "are you ok?". About 10 times today. Course I'm fucking not.
So sick of this.
Took my lamotrigine before I went to work. That was a mistake. When it kicks in it turns my brain to crap. I start forgetting. I screwed up so many orders.

I'm not in therapy. I was last year but I guess it was time to move me on, and I can't afford to pay private.

Sometimes I just want to kill myself so I don't have to watch the carnage I'm responsible for.
 
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