
snuggle muggle
Well-known member
Hi i am a student nurse i am also diagnosed with schizo affective disorder i was first in hospital in 2001 and since then have had a relapse in 2004 and 2006 its great that im a student nurse but im living a double life none of my cohort know about my diagnosis and im ashamed to say apart from one exception i got away from my freinds i made in hospital becuase they where still going on about being god and stuff and quite frankly i was embarrassed. but then i still hear voices sometimes when im stressed out or out on a limb as i call it so who am i to say that! the only difference is im really good at pretending.
the irony is im trusted to hand out other peoples medication but when i ask my shrink if i can go on oral haldol she says no becuase "i belive i dont need medication when well" how odd is that not normal then to want to try and live without strong medication that makes your day to day livin g running of a house and studying difficult!! anyway beucause of this double life im living i feel so lonely my fiancee that i live with is a great bloke but really dosent understand he has said though that i need to find a way of coming to terms with my "illness" and my "normal life" and brining the two together and dealing with whats happened to me but its so hard to just be told deal with i have come so far but i still feel like my lifes on hold. - just as a side note i wonder if anyone ever feels like they dont really experience the atmosphere as they did before they where ill or during when they are in thier "down" phase i feel like im living life in a muffled box. anyway if anyone wants to say hi id really appreciate it and if anyone else has the same problems ! - i should say ive tried before to be honest to freinds and family and i dont know whether its just percieved or real but i think i get treated like a villiage idiot when they know the truth or worse a criminal!
the irony is im trusted to hand out other peoples medication but when i ask my shrink if i can go on oral haldol she says no becuase "i belive i dont need medication when well" how odd is that not normal then to want to try and live without strong medication that makes your day to day livin g running of a house and studying difficult!! anyway beucause of this double life im living i feel so lonely my fiancee that i live with is a great bloke but really dosent understand he has said though that i need to find a way of coming to terms with my "illness" and my "normal life" and brining the two together and dealing with whats happened to me but its so hard to just be told deal with i have come so far but i still feel like my lifes on hold. - just as a side note i wonder if anyone ever feels like they dont really experience the atmosphere as they did before they where ill or during when they are in thier "down" phase i feel like im living life in a muffled box. anyway if anyone wants to say hi id really appreciate it and if anyone else has the same problems ! - i should say ive tried before to be honest to freinds and family and i dont know whether its just percieved or real but i think i get treated like a villiage idiot when they know the truth or worse a criminal!
