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So I've always felt ugly

Alice Raven

Alice Raven

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
886
Location
USA
I'm very much an "it depends" gal. And to me, the only losers are the ones who feel entitled so that they don't even try, thinking that it'll be handed to them. If you're sincere, kind and trying to better yourself, you're not a loser in my book. The undeservedly arrogant are the big losers to me.
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
2,059
Location
Planet Mercury
I like people who have well rounded feelings with positive emotions toward negativity. I try to block out negative matter and balance myself with emotions.
 
American Boy

American Boy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2016
Messages
16,723
Location
London UK
I'm very much an "it depends" gal. And to me, the only losers are the ones who feel entitled so that they don't even try, thinking that it'll be handed to them. If you're sincere, kind and trying to better yourself, you're not a loser in my book. The undeservedly arrogant are the big losers to me.
I can attract women state side but its a totally different world over here. I always try to better myself but honestly I get to tired with it all and it just seems I'm not good enough for anybody here. When I'm ready to start dating again I shall look overseas because life is to short.
 
Alice Raven

Alice Raven

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
886
Location
USA
I can attract women state side but its a totally different world over here. I always try to better myself but honestly I get to tired with it all and it just seems I'm not good enough for anybody here. When I'm ready to start dating again I shall look overseas because life is to short.
What did you feel were the differences between US and UK women? Sorry if I have not yet read any reasons that you cited before.
 
Ozymandias

Ozymandias

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 12, 2019
Messages
267
Location
West London
@American Boy - have you always lived in/close to London? The reason I ask is because I've known people to claim - and in all honesty I personally feel there's some definite truth to this - that women are a lot more... selective... in this part of the country. Even in the outer suburbs, because a lot of them commute into the city centre (although not at the moment, of course).

A few days ago I read someone online complaining about how difficult it (apparently... I wouldn't know) is to find a girlfriend in New York, and I figure the main reason suggested in that conversation is also relevant to London - money, plain and simple. Both New York and London are expensive places to live, so unless you're doing well for yourself it's hard enough to keep your head above water and do more than rent a fucking room, let alone actually buy somewhere with a bit of space, without neighbours above and below as well as to the sides. To be honest I don't think anyone - males and females alike - wants that to be the rest of their lives, and so a lot of women want someone who's either already doing well for themselves, or who at least has big enough aspirations that they might be able to do so in the future. And, because it's London, where all the 'big' jobs are, such men are in relatively high supply, so a lot of women will hold out for one.

It's more than that though... in recent years greater pressure has been put on male presentation, and additional aspects of a man's look have been put under duress to meet certain standards. All of which come at a price, of course... so now it's not just about wearing clothes that look good, but it's also the expensively styled hair, and the gym body, and the flawless orthodontics, and the sculpted beard, and all the fucking oils and moisturisers and whatnot. Once again, it's only the affluent men with the well-paid jobs who can afford all of that... and there are enough of them out there that a lot of women will hold out for such a chap. The rest of us can't compete... we very literally look distinctively 'lesser'.

Where it goes beyond money though - and this is where I do have very personal experience - is in the job snobbery that a lot of London people have (and men can be just as bad for this... it just bothers me less with them because I've never wanted to date one, lol). I used to earn a reasonable amount of money - £39k per year, and that was back in 2008 so fuck knows what my former colleagues get now (on the odd occasion I see one, I don't have the heart to ask). However, that wasn't enough for some women... it can also be about how you make your money. I wasn't a 'professional', you see... I made my wage doing manual work (train driver, for what it's worth), which obviously made me dumb worthless trash, because obviously anyone with half a brain would use it. As it goes I've always done well academically - it's just that the idea of sitting at the same desk for 40hrs+ per week whilst wearing a shirt and tie makes me want to stick a knife into one of my ears and perform a DIY lobotomy (although I eventually came to feel that way about train driving, which is why I stopped doing the job - upon my exit interview I said they could double my salary and it wouldn't be enough to keep me, and I meant it). But having a partner who wears a polo shirt to work, rather than a proper shirt with a tie, is harder to brag about to friends and family...

Perhaps it's partly the sheer amount of people? Paradox/Tyranny of Choice... having more options closer to hand actually makes it harder to select one.

I just feel like the rest of the UK is more chilled... including the dating scene. Probably because all of the people who are obsessed with money and status swarm down here, where they only want to get together with each other.
 
Ozymandias

Ozymandias

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 12, 2019
Messages
267
Location
West London
And I've always felt ugly too, so I feel for you, I really do... I know how fucking horrible it is to feel that way, and how relentless that feeling is.
 
American Boy

American Boy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2016
Messages
16,723
Location
London UK
@American Boy - have you always lived in/close to London? The reason I ask is because I've known people to claim - and in all honesty I personally feel there's some definite truth to this - that women are a lot more... selective... in this part of the country. Even in the outer suburbs, because a lot of them commute into the city centre (although not at the moment, of course).

A few days ago I read someone online complaining about how difficult it (apparently... I wouldn't know) is to find a girlfriend in New York, and I figure the main reason suggested in that conversation is also relevant to London - money, plain and simple. Both New York and London are expensive places to live, so unless you're doing well for yourself it's hard enough to keep your head above water and do more than rent a fucking room, let alone actually buy somewhere with a bit of space, without neighbours above and below as well as to the sides. To be honest I don't think anyone - males and females alike - wants that to be the rest of their lives, and so a lot of women want someone who's either already doing well for themselves, or who at least has big enough aspirations that they might be able to do so in the future. And, because it's London, where all the 'big' jobs are, such men are in relatively high supply, so a lot of women will hold out for one.

It's more than that though... in recent years greater pressure has been put on male presentation, and additional aspects of a man's look have been put under duress to meet certain standards. All of which come at a price, of course... so now it's not just about wearing clothes that look good, but it's also the expensively styled hair, and the gym body, and the flawless orthodontics, and the sculpted beard, and all the fucking oils and moisturisers and whatnot. Once again, it's only the affluent men with the well-paid jobs who can afford all of that... and there are enough of them out there that a lot of women will hold out for such a chap. The rest of us can't compete... we very literally look distinctively 'lesser'.

Where it goes beyond money though - and this is where I do have very personal experience - is in the job snobbery that a lot of London people have (and men can be just as bad for this... it just bothers me less with them because I've never wanted to date one, lol). I used to earn a reasonable amount of money - £39k per year, and that was back in 2008 so fuck knows what my former colleagues get now (on the odd occasion I see one, I don't have the heart to ask). However, that wasn't enough for some women... it can also be about how you make your money. I wasn't a 'professional', you see... I made my wage doing manual work (train driver, for what it's worth), which obviously made me dumb worthless trash, because obviously anyone with half a brain would use it. As it goes I've always done well academically - it's just that the idea of sitting at the same desk for 40hrs+ per week whilst wearing a shirt and tie makes me want to stick a knife into one of my ears and perform a DIY lobotomy (although I eventually came to feel that way about train driving, which is why I stopped doing the job - upon my exit interview I said they could double my salary and it wouldn't be enough to keep me, and I meant it). But having a partner who wears a polo shirt to work, rather than a proper shirt with a tie, is harder to brag about to friends and family...

Perhaps it's partly the sheer amount of people? Paradox/Tyranny of Choice... having more options closer to hand actually makes it harder to select one.

I just feel like the rest of the UK is more chilled... including the dating scene. Probably because all of the people who are obsessed with money and status swarm down here, where they only want to get together with each other.
Thanks for the interesting read, it made me feel better reading that and that I'm not alone with all of this and I agree 100% with what you have said and very well wrote. I've always struggled to get a date in London but also most of the south east is pretty bad like that. I've always found those up north to be a lot more down to earth and accepting and not as selective. London is a depressing place today. I think I would have been a lot happier if I had chose to move up north all those years ago rather than London.

I haven't lived in London my whole life I grew up in care and got moved about the country so I've seen many walks of life around the UK. I also lived in America for a few years with an ex girl friend and when I went there I was so shocked of the amount of females that flirted with me and of course at the time I had a girl friend so I couldn't do much about it. The USA opened my eyes and made me realize how crap London is and that the problem wasn't me but the society over here. I felt human for the first time and attractive and confident. That all washed off pretty quickly when I came back to London. I don't have US citizenship so I can't live over there even via marriage, so I had to come back. I might start to look up north.
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 10, 2020
Messages
2,059
Location
Planet Mercury
I find all kinds of interesting men. some well-dressed some in uniform some with acne some of the attitude problems somewhere solidity some with not wanting to date others are desperate for a date. Be honest if I didn't think in my recovery I'd find so many Charming young men to take me out on dates but I have and I found one that I do currently like that I think I might want to see again but there is a problem of drinking. I just don't know if I have it in me to drink on medication and I also don't have it on me in to invite somebody over to have a few drinks when I'm not going to be drinking myself. That seems to be the underlying problem in most of the relationships that I've started in the past 5 years. @American Boy do you think that that could be some of your problems, addiction and the need to want to go out and meet new people and party? Or is it just attraction issues? Same for you too @LORD BURT?
 
American Boy

American Boy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2016
Messages
16,723
Location
London UK
I find all kinds of interesting men. some well-dressed some in uniform some with acne some of the attitude problems somewhere solidity some with not wanting to date others are desperate for a date. Be honest if I didn't think in my recovery I'd find so many Charming young men to take me out on dates but I have and I found one that I do currently like that I think I might want to see again but there is a problem of drinking. I just don't know if I have it in me to drink on medication and I also don't have it on me in to invite somebody over to have a few drinks when I'm not going to be drinking myself. That seems to be the underlying problem in most of the relationships that I've started in the past 5 years. @American Boy do you think that that could be some of your problems, addiction and the need to want to go out and meet new people and party? Or is it just attraction issues? Same for you too @LORD BURT?
Well today I realize I can't even trust anybody here in this place. I invited some people to a forest littered with Victorian dump sites last year and get my trust only to find a youtube video today of them digging the dumps in the forest during the lock down without me, finding decent bits. It totally ruined my day and feels gut wrenching. Everybody who I've ever encountered in this place has been a **** to me.
 
AnnN

AnnN

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
203
Location
Macedonia
Before my illness I feel so pretty, and was proud of myself. Now I'm not. I feel like do not exists.
 
American Boy

American Boy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2016
Messages
16,723
Location
London UK
I'm just sick of being a loser and just makes me feel like giving up. Its probably for the best that I'm alone and I should not try mix with people or try make friends because each time it just goes wrong, let alone finding a women. Now my forest has been stripped bear of its treasures which made me feel happy when finding things there. Now when I go there I will just be reminded of those who took advantage of me.
 
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