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So incredibly sick of this madness.... I'm affriad it's only beginning.

T

ToughTime

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Dec 2, 2014
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2
So incredibly sick of this madness.... I'm affriad it's only beginning.

So... just returned from the hospital. Was too afraid to really be honest... Concerned I'd be kept forever.. So I told half the story.

The Psychiatrist was just so slick... Crocodile shoes a ring that was a snake wrapped around his finger. I was feeling hypnotized by him, not helped. I did not lie, but I did withhold ALOT. Ive gotta put this out somewhere, so Ill try here.

I feel everyone is out to get me. Its true Im not a great person and have alienated myself from most of my friends. But this is ridiculous. I feel the news casts are sometimes directed at me. Ever my partner, whom I love very much and trust almost entirely I've found myself nearly convinced she was trying to nail my ass to the wall.

I dont think I hvae any real reason to think these things... BUt maybe, just maybe it is true.

I refused a blood test, because I am affraid they want to take my DNA and enslave me for all eternity.

I believe my water at home is drugged to pacify me and make me submit to them.

I believe sometimes that I have actually already died in the past and am just living in some shitty limbo where I am truly doomed for all eternity.

I feel everyone I meet is out to get me. I dont want to take medicine but have begun tonight with prescibed risperidole.

I am trapped on my couch, unable to anything right now. I am affraid it will only get much much worse.

I told him about my past drug use and delerium caused by that time.... I used MASSIVE amounts of Gravol, Benedryl and DXM. I used em every night and am just now coming to be completely sober. It is so terrifying to wake up from one nightmare into this other one.

Not looking for answers... I doubt there are any... Just shaing for now.
 
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*autumn*

*autumn*

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Hi ToughTime, welcome to the forum. :)
 
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Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Hi ToughTime and welcome.

Thank you for sharing. I hope getting it all out on here helped a little.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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Welcome ToughTime, that sounds very difficult what you're going through. I'm glad you've written about it, I hope it will be helpful to share your experiences here, we try to support one another, and I find it helps when you realise others have had similar difficulties. I'm sorry the psychiatrist did not feel helpful, do you have to see him again, or will you see someone else?
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Hopefully the risperidol might help - it'll make you sleepy as hell, but sometimes you just need a break from the rubbish going on in your head and sleeping is a safer escape than using drugs.
Over-thinking is so unhelpful sometimes, isn't it?
Hope you feel better soon anyway, and welcome to the forum.
 
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