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so i did my first ever cold approach about a month ago...

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markn1996

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Toledo, Ohio
i was just wondering if anyone had some tips to for cold approaching with social anxiety? so when i first did it was at a coffee shop (and i hate coffee but wanted to force myself out there) and a girl with a huge rack (thats why i approached lol)

came in to study with her laptop and everything, so i did not want to interrupt her or anything like that.

so i waited about 4 hours in the cafe so i could pretend we were walking out at the same time as she got up, i was trying to read up on social cues and she was playing with her hair (but not exactly sure if she was looking my way)

so anyways we both got up and as i was about exit she heads to the bathroom to which i am like “oh fuck! i did not plan that now shes gonna think i am a creep waiting outside of the coffee shop for her” but i thought to myself since i made it that far i shouldn’t chicken out, cause i was gonna leave cause it looked too creepy. and when she came out and we both made eye contact i was actually surprised of the reception i actually got from her! so then i asked her small talk like how was your day and stuff, and asked her what college she went to which she said a college in michigan and asked me where i went, so cutting to the chase as she was about to drive off i asked her if we could meet up there next weekend which she responded in kind of shocked tone “next weekend?” and told me that she would be busy with homework and mentioned otherstuff that i forgot about. then she mentioned “ if i come here and we see eachother again” so then i asked for her number, she agreed, and told me her name and that was it.

so im excited as all fuck, the most excited i have ever been. until i ruined it and texted her 10 mins later saying “forgot to ask you from toledo?” and just told her to enjoy the rest of her week. and i never got a respond back and its been almost a month.

i was wondering what is everyones elses 2 cents on this on wether i had a shot to begin with or was she just trying to get rid of me? my theories are:

-she was interested until that text i sent which was stupid as i can clearly see her number is a different area code

- she thought i was too socially awkward to begin with as i was shaking when i entered her number as i am sure she probably noticed.

- and basically the first thing i said, trying to get rid of me.

although probably the reason why it even worked to begin with was because i am perceived as good looking, otherwise im pretty sure she would of said she wasn’t interested. i wanna eventually find out what actually happened and clear the air but i am too scared and will be too depressed to find out, unless i actually got a girl that was interested in me and we went out then i would find out.

any tips what i can try next? when i always go there there are usually with friends or on their laptop
 
Gdzoul28

Gdzoul28

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Hiyaaa,

Alright. Ima 25 yo female - so hope this can help. First of all, well done for pushing yourself to cold approach and also praise you notice when was the correct time to approach her and you gave her space; maybe try to build the courage to say something instead of waiting around next time; I can always think of some ideas or one liners If your want a girls advise! And nope, waiting outside was 100% the right move. You was patient with it so it was right to see it through.

girl to guy, I respect the Hussle and forthcoming to meet her; but some girls like you to play cool. Take the number, get to know her and then offer to meet up. Girls often feel safer when the know someone a bit more before meeting up. An honest answer: she mostly probably felt uncomfortable with the let’s meet up as soon as next weekend; you definitely didn’t ruin it. The fact she gave you her number; you should send her a message just saying hope your good. And work with the response. The world today for women is sometimes difficult to explain but personally, we prefer when a man takes the times to get to know us, a few conversations; and then To meet up.

my advise; text her saying what’s up, if she replies, work with it, get to know her, let her get to know you and then offer to go for lunch or dinner; picnic in the park. Or even just a park walk. It doesn’t have to cost anything. If she doesn’t reply; Respect her decision and try your new confidence on somebody else! Good luck and message me if you need any advise xx
 
M

markn1996

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Oct 2, 2020
Messages
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Location
Toledo, Ohio
Hiyaaa,

Alright. Ima 25 yo female - so hope this can help. First of all, well done for pushing yourself to cold approach and also praise you notice when was the correct time to approach her and you gave her space; maybe try to build the courage to say something instead of waiting around next time; I can always think of some ideas or one liners If your want a girls advise! And nope, waiting outside was 100% the right move. You was patient with it so it was right to see it through.

girl to guy, I respect the Hussle and forthcoming to meet her; but some girls like you to play cool. Take the number, get to know her and then offer to meet up. Girls often feel safer when the know someone a bit more before meeting up. An honest answer: she mostly probably felt uncomfortable with the let’s meet up as soon as next weekend; you definitely didn’t ruin it. The fact she gave you her number; you should send her a message just saying hope your good. And work with the response. The world today for women is sometimes difficult to explain but personally, we prefer when a man takes the times to get to know us, a few conversations; and then To meet up.

my advise; text her saying what’s up, if she replies, work with it, get to know her, let her get to know you and then offer to go for lunch or dinner; picnic in the park. Or even just a park walk. It doesn’t have to cost anything. If she doesn’t reply; Respect her decision and try your new confidence on somebody else! Good luck and message me if you need any advise xx
i have since then moved on after a month and realized she wasn’t really my type, but still wouldn’t kick out of the bed. but texting after a month? she probably forgot i even existed by then and it would be stupid.

i wanna try again but i am trying to work up the courage to do so if i can get some advice, i have reduced masturbating so far which has negative effects and leaves you more socially awkward and next time i go to the coffee shop i will drink decaf as i am quitting caffeine which will make me more nervous. is there any other fast shortcut to becoming more socially confident ? im sorry, i am desperate as i been single all my life and i don’t see any other options as i have no hobbies.
 
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CabbageMama

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Hi Mark. I am older (so perhaps wiser?!😳😂) My first thought was did she see you watching her in the Café for four hours. That would freak a lot of people out. It’s a long time to spend in a place unless you are working, and even then. Personally, I think she was probably being polite, although if she gave you her number maybe not. Perhaps it was a bit overwhelming for her.

If masturbating less makes you more socially awkward and that is what you are struggling with, perhaps now is not a good time to reduce it. I don’t think hanging out for long periods at Cafés is your best move. Just try and live your normal life, going to places, having interactions. Maybe try and broaden your places to go - Museums, Libraries, a different Supermarket. Parks are good - does anyone have a dog you could walk? That’s an easy way to meet people to talk to. Smile at everyone, be chatty and polite. Everyone, not just girls you like. This will increase your confidence and, who knows, they might be the Dad or the Granny to the perfect girl for you! In the meantime, and I know it is hard, try not to rush things. It WILL happen. X
 
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markn1996

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Messages
49
Location
Toledo, Ohio
Hi Mark. I am older (so perhaps wiser?!😳😂) My first thought was did she see you watching her in the Café for four hours. That would freak a lot of people out. It’s a long time to spend in a place unless you are working, and even then. Personally, I think she was probably being polite, although if she gave you her number maybe not. Perhaps it was a bit overwhelming for her.

If masturbating less makes you more socially awkward and that is what you are struggling with, perhaps now is not a good time to reduce it. I don’t think hanging out for long periods at Cafés is your best move. Just try and live your normal life, going to places, having interactions. Maybe try and broaden your places to go - Museums, Libraries, a different Supermarket. Parks are good - does anyone have a dog you could walk? That’s an easy way to meet people to talk to. Smile at everyone, be chatty and polite. Everyone, not just girls you like. This will increase your confidence and, who knows, they might be the Dad or the Granny to the perfect girl for you! In the meantime, and I know it is hard, try not to rush things. It WILL happen. X
i just don’t think it ever will.

i mean i was discreetly watching her from a distance so i don’t think she noticed too much as she was busy doing work anyways.
 
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CabbageMama

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Trying not to force it or make it happen quickly will help. You want to end up with the right person for you, not just someone you meet in a hurry. It might happen like that, but is more likely to work out if you relax and stop focusing on it.
 
zula77

zula77

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That's brave of you to talk to a stranger. Keep trying, it'll get easier. You could also consider dating apps, great way to meet people if you've got social anxiety.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Unless you gave her your number she probably didn’t recognize who the number was from and ignored the text. You should CALL HER and ask her out. xo, j
 
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markn1996

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Unless you gave her your number she probably didn’t recognize who the number was from and ignored the text. You should CALL HER and ask her out. xo, j
im gonna call BS on this one. she knew it was me. who else would text that 10 mins after our conversation, girl just had a stick up her ass. with this day and age everybody is looking at their phone every 5 mins, including her.
 
Argon

Argon

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My tip is don't do it. The failures would make things worse for me.
 
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markn1996

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My tip is don't do it. The failures would make things worse for me.
strange part about me is, that i wouldn’t actually care getting rejected if i appeared socially awkward or if the girl had a boyfriend, but if it had to do with my appearance, i would be worried and paranoid.

im screwed up.
 
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markn1996

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Toledo, Ohio
That's brave of you to talk to a stranger. Keep trying, it'll get easier. You could also consider dating apps, great way to meet people if you've got social anxiety.
experimented with it and didn’t get no where.

the likes i got i didn’t want, and the women i actually liked never swiped back on me. i think in person is better because you have to put alot of effort in your bio, pictures, and women on there will be superficial if your not ripped with a 6 pack.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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There's a guy on YouTube who goes out of his way to put out loads of videos focussed on this. Check out his videos here (there are loads and some of the best ones date some years back). Please let us know if you find them helpful etc. :)
 
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markn1996

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There's a guy on YouTube who goes out of his way to put out loads of videos focussed on this. Check out his videos here (there are loads and some of the best ones date some years back). Please let us know if you find them helpful etc. :)
he’s kind of boring to listen to to be honest, and nothing i haven’t heard before. i did agree about online dating being a waste but his videos didn’t really do anything for me.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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he’s kind of boring to listen to to be honest, and nothing i haven’t heard before. i did agree about online dating being a waste but his videos didn’t really do anything for me.
Thanks for sharing :) Just out of interest did you find them motivational and what changes do you think he could do to make the difference? :)
 

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