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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

So i am like dead inside

A

Alone

Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2010
Messages
5
ive been depressed since i was about 9

not a friend in the world, my soul mate and gf of 4 years has left me (shes depressive too we helped each other through bad times. she hasnt fallen in love with another guy she has just given up on life right now)

i have literally nothing left not even a job. all these years fighting without a break and its come to nothing.

nobody listened to me when i was suffering as a child and through school with bullying and i ended up with no grades. family doesnt want to know me.

need something to live for

i dont drink or do drugs, not even smoke. if my mind is messed up its because of a crappy childhood about 4 years of constant stress at school (i would wake up shaking at the thought of going to school, if i refused i would be punished by parents and the school.)

should i go to the gp and get the meds everyone has been trying to get me to take for years? will they improve my life. id rather be dead than some drug reliant zombie

i would rather live depressed.

this is the 1st time i told anyone all this junk other than my other half..ex. sorry if it sounds self pitying i just have alot of stored up junk
 
J

Jisatsu

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 24, 2009
Messages
515
Hey, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I can completely understand how you feel about meds. I was hesitant about taking them but when I got so bad I was thinking of suicide every day, I took anything offered to me because I so desperately needed to stop the bad feelings. Meds don't solve everything though, I still get off days/weeks. Have you got anyone to talk to? I'm sorry you're distant with your ex now, I also know what it's like to have only 1 person you rely on. Maybe you could ask for counselling or phone the Samaritans or something, just to talk anonymously to someone about how you feel??
 
A

Alone

Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2010
Messages
5
i dont especially want to die. i believe nothing awaits you after death so i might aswell live? i hope thats not confusing to understand.

nobody takes the depressed guy who doesnt want to die seriously. i guess oneday i will lose my battle to keep my sanity and crack and want to die then people will care!

i have a real massive problem relaying my thoughts and emotions into real world words. sorry if you didnt get any of that. you should of tried being my art or literature teacher..


also, i have nobody to talk to in the world. you the only person i have had contact with for days.
 
J

Jisatsu

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 24, 2009
Messages
515
I'm sorry that you feel so alone :( you're welcome to talk to me on here or private message me. i may not be able to reply straight away but i will reply :) i know it sounds cliche but do try to remember you're not alone. i also understand what you're saying about finding it hard to explain how you feel? i often feel like i'm numb, but have these gnawing feelings in the back of my mind, they've been there for so long it feels almost normal.. that was my attempt at explaining something lol. be strong and i hope you write back soon x
 
Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 15, 2008
Messages
70
Location
Buckinghamshire, UK
Sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. You are not alone, atleast not here, keep writting. Hang in there!!:hug:
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
Isolation

Hi. It is rotten you were bullied and you feel so isolated,
what to do about it ??
If you live in the uk, i suggest you contact one of the mental health charities, i.e.
The richmond fellowship who will give you emotional and practical help !!
Do you have a good doctor you can talk to, or a cpn ??
What about family ??
If you can manage it, volunteering could help as you would meet new people and may make friends ??
As the most important thing is to end the isolation and loneliness ??
Also getting you support, through a cpn or social worker who can refer you to a support service and get you a key worker who will help you get out and about if required ??
You can make friends on this forum as well !!
Chat to others who will support you and share troubles and woes and help you as best they can !!
Please think it over and let me know how we can help ??:welcome::grouphug::grouphug:
 
BORTU

BORTU

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 4, 2010
Messages
1,449
Location
SW England
Het love, We all get bad times, It is great that you can spit it all out on this blog. No one judges you, we all know how it feels. God bless you and keep you.
 
I

iphigenia

Member
Joined
Jun 5, 2010
Messages
8
Hi sorry to hear you are depressed I have been there over the past eleven years. It took me ages to take meds but they did help I was not a zombie - they just helped to lift my mood enough to do things and so I recovered slowly. Without meds i would not have recovered very well so it is worth a try - they do take about 4 to 6 weeks to kick in so you have to be patient and put up with some side effects at the start. Take care
 

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