• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

So here's the thing...

lifeonmars13

lifeonmars13

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2021
Messages
3
Location
London
First of all, I wanted to mention that I'm new here, so hi to all!
The reason I'm here is that a few months ago I got together with this person I've known for quite a few years; now we're a couple and living together. He's presently taking treatment for severe depression and was diagnosed with OCD a few years back.
Lately we've been having a real hard time properly getting along. I know he'll have days when he'll completely shut down and there's not much he (or I) can do about it, but it worries me, especially because I'm also prone to negative moods pretty often and these influence his moods and we start spiraling. It's getting extremely tiresome and all I'd like to do is actually make things easier and not complicate matters, so that they look more bleak than they really are. I have no intention of breaking up or leaving him, but something needs to change, as otherwise I fear we're going to drive each other nuts.
Feel I should also mention that he's trying really hard to make things work, he's seeing someone and diligently taking his meds, even if they're getting him groggy and foggy and...well it's not easy on him (not his first time here, but the longest he's ever followed his treatment).
Thing is, I thought I'd be able and capable to take all of his moods and not let them affect me, but it seems, I was wrong and I'm myself starting to get real gloomy lately (well, more than usual). Any ideas on what I could do to make things slightly easier? How to not to start fights all the time and accept that he's going through tough times and I need to be supportive, without giving him more crap?
Thanks.
 
Jolly

Jolly

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
1,902
Location
United Kingdom
Welcome forum will be around shortly to support and advise you. What I can say is when I am having a real bad day hubby stays quiet and does not irritate me and tries to keep things calm. He will tidy up etc
 
B

Bod

Former member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
7,860
Location
Pretty Good
Hello and welcome to the forum, I hope you will get the help and advice off all the members here as everyone is so very caring and helpful.
 
P

paws4thought

formerly Anxietyhell
Joined
Aug 14, 2021
Messages
1,596
It's difficult not to become affected by a partners depression/ moods, it can be tough enough just dealing with our own crap... The only advice I can think of is create some space and me time, just to ease the tension.. Maybe see friends, have a hobby, inject something different into your daily routine etc
 
Joe57

Joe57

Former member
Joined
Sep 28, 2021
Messages
201
Location
US Pacific NW
Yeah what Anxietyhell said, create some space and me time when you need to.

also you said he’s seeing a therapist? Is there a way that you can connect with that person, to get input/advice on your questions?

welcome to the forum
 
M

morty2

Former member
Joined
Jul 25, 2021
Messages
1,544
Location
kent
Welcome firstly........I have OCD and find relationships very difficult!!!. I find myself even in friendships going along ,then shutting off from people as they interrupt OCD or my thoughts obssessive mostly. Its not meant,,not personal but it affects all relationships. It may be something to bear in mind and its interesting. I hope you can sort this out,,give love and time if you like this person. I know you need love back,,i do understand. It must be an OCD trait,,,.Give it a go,,if it wont work then maybe times up for you two.Im sorry,,im sending hugs..
 
lifeonmars13

lifeonmars13

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2021
Messages
3
Location
London
It's difficult not to become affected by a partners depression/ moods, it can be tough enough just dealing with our own crap... The only advice I can think of is create some space and me time, just to ease the tension.. Maybe see friends, have a hobby, inject something different into your daily routine etc
Hi! Thanks for your reply :) guess I'm having a hard time detaching ang focusing on other things. In theory, I know that would most probably be of some help. Friends I don't have many and the ones I have, I cannot discuss such issues with, so that's a problem sometimes as well - one of the reasons I'm here, figured I need to talk to someone about these things. So thanks again!
 
lifeonmars13

lifeonmars13

New member
Joined
Oct 12, 2021
Messages
3
Location
London
Yeah what Anxietyhell said, create some space and me time when you need to.

also you said he’s seeing a therapist? Is there a way that you can connect with that person, to get input/advice on your questions?

welcome to the forum
Hi there and thanks for the warm welcome! Yep, he's seeing a therapist, but I don't think it'd be nice of me to just get in touch with her, would have to see if that's ok with him and at the moment I believe it's better to let him have his private sessions. Thought about maybe at some point getting into couple's therapy, but that also is not great at the time, for on most days, he doesn't even want to think about some intrusive thoughts he's having regarding us, because that makes it worse. So it's a bit of a - cannot talk about things with anyone, especially not him, because that makes him more anxious and scared... bit of a catch 22, feels like, sometimes.
 
Top